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Wife left me but wants to live together for kids


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 14th October 2018, 11:10 AM   #16
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Why in the hell would you want to live in a sexless and loveless pretend marriage? Tell her to move back out.
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Old 14th October 2018, 11:12 AM   #17
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I don't think that "pretending" to be a happy family is going to help your kids. Remember you are an example to your sons. Staying in a dead marriage is no good, and living with her is not going to be of help. If she doesn't feel in love with you anymore, eventually she'll start seeking other men. What will you do then?
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Old 14th October 2018, 11:51 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Dec1000 View Post
Thanks, everyone for your advice, but I can't leave, how can I win her back if I'm not around.

She's just carrying on like normal, laughing, joking with her mother who's visiting, while I sit there, dead inside. I got up and left the house for a couple of hours, when I returned, she didn't ask where I had been, just carrying on like we had nothing. chores or errands, I might have done before, she is just doing like she doesn't need me for anything anymore.
Why would you want to "win her back?" Respectfully, I ask you to think about that.

A woman who truly loves you wouldn't do this to you. She wouldn't be so callous, so unconcerned about your feelings, so hurtful.

I have a friend who moved to another city, bought a new and expensive home with her husband, and never moved into the home because she decided that she wanted to leave the marriage before the home was even completed... Unbenownst to her husband, there was another man. He didn't see it coming either, and it took him about a year to accept the fact that his marriage was over. So, it does happen... I'm sorry that it is happening to you.

It takes two to have a marriage... And right now, you are alone in your marriage. Your wife has already moved on. I'm sorry.
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Last edited by BaileyB; 14th October 2018 at 11:55 AM..
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Old 14th October 2018, 1:48 PM   #19
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OP, Women with minor children rarely leave marriages unless they have a backup plan, and in this case, it's you. If you even remotely tolerate this, then what little respect she has for you will be gone. Stay in the house, lawyer up, and file for divorce. That is about the only way she will give you any respect, and maybe become more attractive to her.
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Old 18th March 2019, 8:00 AM   #20
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Update

Like 6 months later, Im still in love with her, i have moved out, I am only paying child support nothing else. She is now seeing her work friend who is a woman. I am so low at this point I don't know what to think anymore. I did not expect any of this and truly heartbroken.
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Old 18th March 2019, 10:26 AM   #21
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You recently purchased a house. Where did the down payment come from?

You may have a math problem rather than a marriage issue.

You see, living together for any period of time would simply secure her 50% interest in the home equity. Your wife might not be the person you think she is. If the investment in that home came from anywhere other than her earnings then your issues are better served by a calculator than counseling.

Take careful consideration because it sounds like your issue is either money or men.

The dipolar nature of commenting out of the blue with: "I no longer love you and there is no hope of turning it around" is out of character for ANYONE who has even an ounce of human empathy. Real people don't hit the brakes that hard. Your wife is either not real, or in the surreal world of cheating.

Update:
Just saw your last post. This is not on you. You can't get down on yourself for being the victim of what was essentially a con artist when it came to that kind of identity.

Last edited by Turning point; 18th March 2019 at 10:31 AM..
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Old 18th March 2019, 2:25 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Dec1000 View Post
Like 6 months later, Im still in love with her, i have moved out, I am only paying child support nothing else. She is now seeing her work friend who is a woman. I am so low at this point I don't know what to think anymore. I did not expect any of this and truly heartbroken.
I am sorry you find yourself in this position. Time will heal the heartbreak, I promise. I would recommend you seek IC to help deal with the heartbreak and disappointment of this difficult situation. Take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating healthy and exercising. The exercise, especially, helps with the depression.
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Old 18th March 2019, 4:20 PM   #23
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L She is now seeing her work friend who is a woman.
Well, at least you now know what her statement declaring "she has fallen out of love over a period of time and no hope of getting it back" really meant. Hard to anticipate the same-sex angle but it sure seemed like she was being pulled somewhere else. Too bad she couldn't have been honest with you from the beginning.

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Originally Posted by Dec1000 View Post
i have moved out, I am only paying child support nothing else.
What is the legal status of your divorce? I assume you have an attorney, what advice is he/she giving you?

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Old 18th March 2019, 4:21 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Dec1000 View Post
Like 6 months later, Im still in love with her, i have moved out, I am only paying child support nothing else. She is now seeing her work friend who is a woman. I am so low at this point I don't know what to think anymore. I did not expect any of this and truly heartbroken.
Like everyone said her affair was going on before which is what prompted the end of your marriage. If you don't cut contact you'll remain in self imposed limbo.

Time for you to wake up. Study the 180 but it only works if you apply it.

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Old 27th March 2019, 9:51 AM   #25
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Like 6 months later, Im still in love with her, i have moved out, I am only paying child support nothing else. She is now seeing her work friend who is a woman. I am so low at this point I don't know what to think anymore. I did not expect any of this and truly heartbroken.
So sorry to hear this. I know EXACTLY how you feel except my husband refuses to acknowledge that he is gay/bisexual...I don't even know which and I don't care anymore.

If you haven't yet, visit Straight Spouse Network Open Forum which is a support forum for straight spouses. They also have support groups you can go to or online individual support.

Having this happen is so much worse than a normal cheating situation. At least is was for me. It made me question every single thing that ever happened in our relationship. Made me unable to look back at intimate moments without feeling like they were all a complete lie.

Feel free to message privately if you have any questions or just need some support from someone who has been there.
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