Child maintenance woes

[way_lander]

Hi there, would like to seek advice/opinion on my situation, appreciate any help!

 

I'm 37, divorced from my ex-wife for about 2 years. We have 2 children age 7 and 5. Care and control is with her but we have joint custody. I see the kids 3 to 4 days a week and they stay over with me 2 days a week. I've been giving them maintenance of $1000 per month. Alimony was settled in one lump sum. $1000 was decided as a reasonable figure, no exact calculations were done.

 

The problem now is that my ex-wife is suddenly asking for a 60% increase in child maintenance, quoting rise in costs. Her breakdown is vague, for e.g., groceries - $400 etc. All along I have been very accommodating to her and trying to keep things functional and cordial, so that the kids are not affected and she don't make things difficult for me seeing the kids. But this is too much to stomach.

 

Moreover, by my estimation, the kids' expenses should have gone down as they are not taking formula milk anymore and not attending childcare anymore which costs a bomb here. Outside of the $1000 i'm giving them, I'm also spending on their groceries and misc when they stay over. And paying for their insurances, about a few hundred every month.

 

We are not on casual talking terms.

 

My questions are:

1. How is child maintenance calculated if we go by law? Both of us are holding full time jobs and comfortable in income. She has ownership of our marital home coz i signed it over to her as alimony.

Is it likely to be 50-50 or one party expected to bear more?

Under what circumstance will one party be expected to bear more?

 

2. If, because i reject her proposal to increase the child maintenance, she makes things difficult for me to see the kids, or restrict access, what recourse do I have?

 

 

Thanks for reading and for any advice

[preraph]

You're going to have to get the attorney. I wouldn't go unrepresented to court. You should get together all the financial stuff you can. I mean, she has the house and she's working too. So I don't know. It's a shame, but you need to get the attorney or she might just win if you go to court and don't have what you need.

[way_lander]

You're going to have to get the attorney. I wouldn't go unrepresented to court. You should get together all the financial stuff you can. I mean, she has the house and she's working too. So I don't know. It's a shame, but you need to get the attorney or she might just win if you go to court and don't have what you need.

 

I would like to avoid going to court actually, too much cost and energy draining. She is not bringing this to court. The official amount from the divorce i have to pay is $1000, she is proposing to me to raise the amount. I think she wants to avoid going to court too.

 

What I would like to know is if both parents are financially able, is the costs supposed to be shared? If so i can confidently reject her proposal and even if she brings it to court, I'm sure i will win coz I'm quite certain i'm covering more than half of the kids' expenses as of now.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Hi there, would like to seek advice/opinion on my situation, appreciate any help!

 

I'm 37, divorced from my ex-wife for about 2 years. We have 2 children age 7 and 5. Care and control is with her but we have joint custody. I see the kids 3 to 4 days a week and they stay over with me 2 days a week. I've been giving them maintenance of $1000 per month. Alimony was settled in one lump sum. $1000 was decided as a reasonable figure, no exact calculations were done.

 

The problem now is that my ex-wife is suddenly asking for a 60% increase in child maintenance, quoting rise in costs. Her breakdown is vague, for e.g., groceries - $400 etc. All along I have been very accommodating to her and trying to keep things functional and cordial, so that the kids are not affected and she don't make things difficult for me seeing the kids. But this is too much to stomach.

 

Moreover, by my estimation, the kids' expenses should have gone down as they are not taking formula milk anymore and not attending childcare anymore which costs a bomb here. Outside of the $1000 i'm giving them, I'm also spending on their groceries and misc when they stay over. And paying for their insurances, about a few hundred every month.

 

We are not on casual talking terms.

 

My questions are:

1. How is child maintenance calculated if we go by law? Both of us are holding full time jobs and comfortable in income. She has ownership of our marital home coz i signed it over to her as alimony.

Is it likely to be 50-50 or one party expected to bear more?

Under what circumstance will one party be expected to bear more?

 

2. If, because i reject her proposal to increase the child maintenance, she makes things difficult for me to see the kids, or restrict access, what recourse do I have?

 

 

Thanks for reading and for any advice

 

Where I live, it is a calculation based on overnights and income/salary. Additional factors like insurance payments and daycare expenses go into the calculation as well.

 

If custody is 50/50 (both parents have equal overnights) and both parents make exactly the same amount of money and there are no insurance or childcare expenses, etc., neither one would owe each other child support. I have a female friend who pays her ex-husband support, so it's not always the man who pays. She makes more than he does and they have 50/50 custody.

 

Also here, unless you have a criminal problem, if you're able to have the kids half the time, you're entitled to that as far as custody goes.

[way_lander]

Where I live, it is a calculation based on overnights and income/salary. Additional factors like insurance payments and daycare expenses go into the calculation as well.

 

If custody is 50/50 (both parents have equal overnights) and both parents make exactly the same amount of money and there are no insurance or childcare expenses, etc., neither one would owe each other child support. I have a female friend who pays her ex-husband support, so it's not always the man who pays. She makes more than he does and they have 50/50 custody.

 

Also here, unless you have a criminal problem, if you're able to have the kids half the time, you're entitled to that as far as custody goes.

 

Thanks! I don't think its as straightforward as how many overnights each of us have, where I stay.

 

I make more than her, revenue wise. But I'm running a business and after deducting costs, my net income may actually be lesser than hers. And my personal expenses have gone up too due to the need to rent my own apartment now. All these should be taken into account? or are they?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thanks! I don't think its as straightforward as how many overnights each of us have, where I stay.

 

I make more than her, revenue wise. But I'm running a business and after deducting costs, my net income may actually be lesser than hers. And my personal expenses have gone up too due to the need to rent my own apartment now. All these should be taken into account? or are they?

 

Here they don't take your rent or mortgage payments into account for the calculation. As far as your business....no clue....lots of people could take advantage of that, so I'm sure there are strict "rules" in place to prevent people from claiming they make no income at all because of their business expenses.

[Mr. Lucky]

My questions are:

1. How is child maintenance calculated if we go by law? Both of us are holding full time jobs and comfortable in income. She has ownership of our marital home coz i signed it over to her as alimony.

Is it likely to be 50-50 or one party expected to bear more?

Under what circumstance will one party be expected to bear more?

 

2. If, because i reject her proposal to increase the child maintenance, she makes things difficult for me to see the kids, or restrict access, what recourse do I have?

 

Seems you're in the UK - or somewhere once ruled by the Queen. The laws and guidelines are different there and the feedback you'll get on this primarily US forum doesn't apply to you.

 

Even if you don't go to court, pay for a legal consultation. Don't be pennywise, pound foolish...

 

Mr. Lucky

[PegNosePete]

$1000 was decided as a reasonable figure, no exact calculations were done.

 

The problem now is that my ex-wife is suddenly asking for a 60% increase in child maintenance, quoting rise in costs.

Well since no exact calculations were done, you can simply say "no". Or if you want to be more verbose, "no, I think I am paying a fair amount already - when my income goes up I may be able to give you more but not at the moment".

 

If she thinks she can get more maintenance by going through official channels then let her. Child maintenance is usually a fairly simply formula, it's not necessary to go to court.

 

If she starts withholding contact then that is a different matter. If she does that then you may need to get an official court ruling about how much contact you get. "Pay to visit", and the women who initiate it, are very much frowned upon.

[way_lander]

Well since no exact calculations were done, you can simply say "no". Or if you want to be more verbose, "no, I think I am paying a fair amount already - when my income goes up I may be able to give you more but not at the moment".

 

If she thinks she can get more maintenance by going through official channels then let her. Child maintenance is usually a fairly simply formula, it's not necessary to go to court.

 

If she starts withholding contact then that is a different matter. If she does that then you may need to get an official court ruling about how much contact you get. "Pay to visit", and the women who initiate it, are very much frowned upon.

 

thanks, sound advice.

 

I've always had this thought to keep the relationship cordial. Or even one day be friendly.

 

It has at least been functional the last 2 years, but issues like this will sour whatever is left of the relationship. Its her birthday today and normally I'll text a simple "Happy Birthday" to her, but her approach to money issue is quite a turnoff in trying to better relations.

[way_lander]

Seems you're in the UK - or somewhere once ruled by the Queen. The laws and guidelines are different there and the feedback you'll get on this primarily US forum doesn't apply to you.

 

Even if you don't go to court, pay for a legal consultation. Don't be pennywise, pound foolish...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Oh lol what gave me away? You're right, I'm not from the US.

 

But I was also seeking more of how to deal with this in a personal way, not just the legal way.

[Art_Critic]

Just ask for an exact accounting of why the increase is needed, 600.00 per month increase is quite substantial for a new divorce and maybe she needs to adjust her lifestyle rather than hit you up for more.. but I don't really now the truth of it all...

 

and remember the kids get their portion of ownership of the bills, ie: groceries.. if she spends 400 per month on groceries it is divided by 3 times 2... meaning you don;t pay for her share of the groceries...

[vla1120]

PegNosePete gave excellent advice. I would just tell her at this time, raising maintenance is not feasible. Bring to her attention that, after business expenses, you bring home about the same amount as her, if not less. Ask her if there is a specific reason she needs more (you have a right to know, since it is for your children.) You are right it might have gone down after formula and diapers were no longer needed. However, (at least here) kids activities can be pretty expensive. While it is fine for her to ask for a 60% increase, it is also fine for you to ask for supporting evidence of a need for that type of increase. Do you have mediators in the UK? Maybe something like that would help?

[carhill]

Here's the critical factor:

 

We are not on casual talking terms.

 

If there is no cordial communication, there can be no non-legal (non-adversarial) resolution. Agreements require communication and compromise.

 

Does your divorce decree have a clause that imputes legal fees upon the party who abrogates the agreement? This is common in my jurisdiction, especially when monthly payments and child custody are involved. Power struggles begin and children are a potent aspect of that. Say a mother denies the father visitation or the ex-husband doesn't pay alimony.....the aggrieved party petitions the court, generally through a lawyer and the court issues an order of judgement to levy bank accounts, attach wages, fine or jail for visitation violation, etc. and the party who did the deed in violation of the decree is also judged to pay the lawyer and court costs to straighten them out.

 

If your exW wants to modify your decree and payments, that's what the legal system is for. Else I'd go with reality. You're paying what you agreed. Nothing more than that. No explanations, no reasons. Decree says X, you're paying X. Additionally, be sure there's a verifiable trail of any payments. Cancelled checks, verifiable EFT's, correspondence, etc.

 

I remember, some 35 years after he died, going through my father's papers and finding all the cancelled checks of child support he sent to his first wife for his two daughters, plus copies of letters to them and to his ex-wife. He kept everything and for the rest of his life. They were adults by the time I was born. He had paid support for about 15 years after the war (WW2). 25 dollars a month. Doesn't seem like much but their mortgage payment was 78 dollars a month

 

Try cordiality first but document everything. The kids are job one. If you can arrange a meet at her place for a face to face, that would be cool. Look around. See what's up. Any male stuff lurking? Lifestyle changes?

 

Good luck! Hug the kids!

[way_lander]

Sound advice from all, thanks!

 

I've replied her that her amount seems inflated. That if she wants to review the amount, a rough estimate will not suffice. So if she wants to, she can log everything down pertaining to the kids, with receipts, for this month and we can discuss further with accurate figures.

 

I think its fair that if the costs are really high, I should share in it, but with proper justification and documentation like you guys mentioned.