CatWoman112 Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 I divorced my husband late last year. We were together for 6 years before dating, and our marriage lasted a little less than a year. He began heavily drinking and becoming verbally abusive - constantly accusing me of cheating, and shaming me for being on anxiety and depression meds. With that being said, he refused to change, and I refused to continue to live that way and we divorced. My family has been supportive, but they loved my ex husband. They are big drinkers too, so I feel like in their eyes, he did nothing wrong. I tried to explain how horrible it was behind closed doors, but I don't think they believe me. My best friend is still in my life, but is extremely distant. I no longer am invited to events, and I rarely hear from her. I made it clear to her that I didn't expect her and her husband to stop being friends with my ex (she was worried about that). As far as my other friends, most of them stopped talking to me as soon as they found out we were separated and heading for divorce. All I can sum it up to, is they are acting like divorce is contagious or something? I feel very abandoned. I have since moved on and have been dating someone else. I've purposely kept my new relationship private after being in the spotlight with my family for the past year, but they still try to give their opinions on my life. Should I just forget about the friends who have been absent and move on or do I try to reach out to them and confront them about it? I fully expected to lose friendships that I made while being with my ex, but I never thought my friends from before my ex would be so distant. Do I distance myself from my judgmental parents for a while or is that immature? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 It's worth trying to touch base with old friends if you still value their friendship, just to check what's going on. Sometimes people pull away because they're not sure how to help and are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Or they they're afraid that you will just want to unload on them about how horrible your ex was, or something. That kind of fear can make people pull away. "She's going through a lot right now, she doesn't need me bothering her." So now that the divorce is over, you should check in with them, invite them to do things, show them that you have moved on, and find out if they have a problem with you or what. If they are actually judging you for your divorce or believe bad things about you, then you need to find that out so you can deal with it or write them off. But it may just be awkward distance that can be repaired. As for your parents, that's harder, so I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Mentor99 Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 If you ex was accusing you of cheating, and your friends believe him, they might not see you in the same way anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 If you ex was accusing you of cheating, and your friends believe him, they might not see you in the same way anymore. Agree. You say you've moved on. How soon after the divorce, and was there any overlap? We don't know you from Adam so you can be honest here. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 I fully expected to lose friendships that I made while being with my ex, but I never thought my friends from before my ex would be so distant. If they're couples, the women may see your newly-single status as a threat. And it's problematic for a married man to have much to do with a single woman. Time to develop a new circle of friends... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
lifeisdifficult Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 Hey! I'm your friend! Remember that there are always people who love you -- even if you have never met them. Don't forget that. You are never alone. This is also a time for your to reflect and became a stronger better you. I know you can do it. All it takes is baby steps. For example, I have lots of person issues and I don't eat very well. My counselor is helping me focus my attention on eating a nice big breakfast every morning. Eat 3 eggs EVERY morning, with bacon, beans, the works! Eating a good breakfast every day is my current baby step. Now, what is your next baby step to help you personally? Link to post Share on other sites
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