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Divorce due to verbal abuse


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 20th March 2019, 1:35 PM   #106
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Thank you both, bathtubrow & Baileyb for your encouragement. Iím still waiting here. It didnít happen this morning. Options were @ home before work or in the afternoon at work (discreetly).
Iím a sack of nerves and havenít been able to focus at work however Iím getting through it. The kids will be at a friends house with other kids to help distract if need be. My oldest knows and my youngest doesnít. Thatís where I am.
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Old 20th March 2019, 1:41 PM   #107
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Try not to get too wound up about it. Sometimes serving papers doesn’t even happen when they say it will.

Are you afraid of his reaction?
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Old 20th March 2019, 1:49 PM   #108
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Originally Posted by bathtub-row View Post
Try not to get too wound up about it. Sometimes serving papers doesnít even happen when they say it will.

Are you afraid of his reaction?
Itís what I fear the most. I just donít know what Iíll get. Last time I received a solicitation in the mail from an attorney because the case had been filed (thatís how he found out) he went prettt crazy screaming ďwhat is this?!Ē Over and over until I had to leave the house. Blew up my phone and then about an hour after ignoring his calls he sounded calm but condescending in tone ďyou donít want to go down this path with me. Itís not going to be prettyĒ. That was September 2018.
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Old 20th March 2019, 2:11 PM   #109
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Well, let him get pissed off if he wants, and let him threaten you. If he threatens bodily harm or frightens you in any way, tell your attorney. If you actually fear bodily harm for yourself and children, then do something to protect yourself. But donít stay married to this numbskull just because heís a jerk and keeps you in fear. He has brought all of this down on his own head. I hope you never lose sight of that. These types of men never like it when theyíre faced with the consequences of their behavior.

I remember when my ex was served. He called me up, sarcastic and pissed off about being served on Christmas Eve. I told him that I didnít know when he was going to be served but, given the way he treated me over the past few years, I really didnít give a damn when the hell he was served. I asked him if he was thinking about my feelings when he did x, y and z. That sort of shut him up.

Ask your husband if heís really surprised that this marriage is in the toilet. But donít let him suck you into drawn out explanations or an argument. Have a plan B for getting out of there if you have to.
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Old 20th March 2019, 2:13 PM   #110
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And, if you don’t remember anything else, I hope you’ll remember this - the reason you’re divorcing this guy is because he threatens you and puts you in fear. A good man would never make you feel that way.
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Old 24th March 2019, 9:02 AM   #111
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Back to update for anyone who reads. I’ve been waiting for him to be served since Wednesday. The attempt was finally made on Friday while he was at work however he was in a meeting and didn’t receive the papers. FML.
Even knowing what’s coming, he refuses to accept the reality. He tells me he will not be accepting service because he will NOT be divorcing.

Now he’s adamant that he can fix everything and that my decision to divorce is being coerced by something or someone because in his words “you’re crazy or going through something”. . He tells me to “kill this thing” (getting served) and of course I will not. He’s become even more clingy than before. When I’m not home he’ll text me asking for another chance. This morning he’s prepared a letter saying that the letter is his promise to me that he will change and that he will not lose his family “over something so silly”. When I am home, he tries to hug me, offer wine, offer food. It’s very suffocating ��

I will be calling the attorney on Monday to ask if he has or hasn’t been served and if he hasn’t I’ll be letting them know he is avoiding service. The long battle begins...
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Old 24th March 2019, 9:33 AM   #112
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Stay strong. Growing up in my house verbal abuse was there every day until my parents were divorced. I was a mess and I believe it still has had lasting effects until this day. Itís sounds like it is going to be a rough road for you but it will be so worth it in the end. I think you and your kids will be much better off for it. Just be careful of this guy it sounds like heís not entirely stable.
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Old 24th March 2019, 8:04 PM   #113
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I love the way he minimizes what he has done. So typical. I also love the way he tries to convince you that he has any control over whether the divorce happens or not. These guys hate not being in control of everything. Iíve forgotten how idiotic they can be. Stay strong and know youíre doing the right thing.

Keep us posted.
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Old 25th March 2019, 10:32 AM   #114
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Make sure you are safe! It sounds like, based on his possible reaction, you may need to consider a restraining order.
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Old 10th May 2019, 9:14 AM   #115
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Hello all,

Back to update. Still waiting to serve him if you can believe that. He’s evaded service, postponed service. We’ve had a drunk spell in where the kids and I had to leave the home (April 27) and since then he’s back to normal as if all is well with daily arguments. I received the text from the process server this morning letting me know he is staking him out and waiting for him to leave home for work to hand him the papers.

Happy Mother’s Day to me?
Will keep you posted.
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Old 10th May 2019, 5:42 PM   #116
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Thatís ridiculous. They need to get him served. If it happens on Motherís Day, thatís great. Who cares? Whatever it takes to get the ball rolling. If it isnít done by late next week, call your attorney and ask him what is it going to take to get this done.

Btw, please stop letting him engage you in arguments. If he wants to argue with himself, let him. When yells and acts like a lunatic, just stay quiet and look at him like heís a lunatic. 😂
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Old 19th May 2019, 7:44 AM   #117
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Unlike most women, men will want to have sex even when nothing is going well, even if they hate you, even if there was just an ugly fight. Their emotions do not need to line up for them to want sex. And they know women need to want to emotionally not just physically, so they will act nice long enough to get sex, and unfortunately, this fools women into thinking they care more than they do.
That's a common misconception. At least I lose desire for sex with my partner if nothing's well between myself and her. Hearing a barrage of insults from a woman makes me want to get away from her and not have sex with her.

Actually, what I've heard some men say is that many women they've been with love makeup sex. I have the kind of mind that is very good at perceiving the big picture. When I think about an issue or a person, I often can't help but have the totality of what's involved register in my mind. Makeup sex doesn't work for me at all. A woman who acts lovingly towards me after screaming at me fifteen minutes earlier only strikes me as crazy.

What applies to me and many if not most men is that we do not require an emotional connection to exist for us to want a woman sexually. I would be happy to have casual sex with a total stranger and forget about her quickly. But that's not the same as wanting her despite a lot of bad blood existing between us.
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