Filed for spousal suppt. child suppt and custody - hopes this helps

[Guinevere04]

We have been separated since Sept. He left first (sorta kicked him out) but then he came back after sneaking in drunk and trying to get romantic - yuck. Then my 2 year old and I move out then day after he came back. He has been there ever since and I have been making the house payments because I have not been wanting our credit to go sour. We have $500 in credit card bills and I have been paying that. $91 a week day care, all me again. He has a good job but never pays for any of these joint bills. I had to cut off the cable, phone, utilities and his cell phone because he wasnt paying for anything. He went to alcohol rehab in March and did not work for almost 2 months. He is back at work now and I am in the hole over $7000 and he is still in the house while I pay for it all. My attorney suggested I file for spousal support in the amount of 1/2 of the joint accts. I went ahead and filed for custody and child support as well. He barely sees our son, which is fine with me since they don't have much of a relationship anyway. My question is, has anyone seen a situation like this before? I would love to be reimbursed at least his 1/2 of these bills for the last 6 months since he quit making deposits, and I would love 1/2 of his 401k. I never would have asked for that if he hadn't stressed me out so bad by not helping me financially, while he is still in the house and I am in an apt. I just wonder if the judge will make him accountable since his name is on all of this too. He was drawing disability while in rehab but never paid for a thing. Our house has been for sale for 7 months and we have a decent amount of equity. I would love for him to refinance it even if we couldn't sell it. Any stories to make me feel better would be nice!

[tiki]

My ex-H had to refinance our home that we had together, I made a decent amount of $$$.

 

My now H pays his ex like $40.00 a month for some loan they had when they were married. He'll be paying that til 2009. My H pays more than 21% CS. His monthly check is almost $800 to her. SUCKS!!!

 

The court should make him pay his share. The court should make him pay CS. If you can't get a good lawyer, get legal aid for free.

 

Men can run away and be scott-free. He has to pay for that child just like you do. He has to pay for those debts just like you do.

[soccorsilly]

I would not worry about your credit--it sounds like it is gonna get messed up in any event. Divorces are never clean in that realm.

 

All states are different but it sounds like you are on the right track--you do have an attorney right? And, once all is said and done, you will be entitled to half of the assets (and liabilities) and if you keep custody, some form of CS.

 

Most states have a temporary thing (cant remember the legal name) but where a judge says that he must pay you a certain amount and it will be adjusted when the deal is done

 

I would suggest moving back into the house since you are paying for it and get him out, but at this point no need to re-uproot your kid. It will be tough enuogh on him as it is!

[nightskyreader]

Not to steal the thread, but since we're onto the discussion of spousal support, let me throw this out there and see what the concensus is:

 

We own:

A house ($88K left on the mortgage)

Two cars (one paid for, we owe $10K on the other still)

A medical doctor degree (barely used, $200K in debt, most expensive diploma I ever bought)

About $10K spread among various accounts

Two cats

One infant (on the way)

 

If the spouse and I should divorce, where do you all think the chips would fall? If she wanted to clean me out, would she also be responsible for some of that debt burden? I don't mind supporting her, and ESPECIALLY my baby, but if I had to pay off all $200K of medical school on my own, in addition to alimony, CS, and trying to make my own living (my house, my retirement, etc) then I will die an impoverished, old man. Oh well, maybe that's Karma.

[b52srock]

In most states, if the woman works, she will not be entitled to spousal support. The court feels if she's working then she can fend for herself. (of course, the fact that women make much less than men for doing the same job is inconsequential )

 

Child support is figured according to what the husband makes and the wife makes, combined. There is a table they use to then calculate the child support. (unfortunately, the courts also have no idea what it takes to actually raise a child) I was lucky that the ex was generous above the amount the court declared fair.

 

Again, in most states, you are entitiled to half of his retirement accounts, be they 401K or IRA. Granted, you have to roll them over into your own retirement account to prevent a tax penalty, but at least its something. (I had no retirement of my own as I had stupidly thought I'd still be married when I retired and we'd be sharing the money he'd put away all those years.)

 

Vehicles are best shared if you can decide who gets which one. And yes, debt is generally split between the parties as are assets. Actually, if the two of you can sit down and decide who gets what between yourselves, you'll save a bundle of money on attorneys fees. I tried to get my ex to do that in the beginning, but he wouldn't even hear about it...now he's wishing he had.

 

As for the home, generally it has to be sold and the equity divided between the parties. There are other ways that you can keep the home, but you would have to talk to an attorney about what is legal in your state. Myself, I took a cash settlement and let him keep the house (and the leaking roof, and the leaking basement, and the other crap he should have taken care of over the past ten years but was too "busy" to ) With the cash settlement I'll be purchasing the house I want and furnishing it with the things I want.

 

I gave up all the furniture except for a few pieces that I really wanted. The rest, including the bed, he can keep or will go to auction with the proceeds split between us. I just didn't want the memories, you know? He can't understand that, but then he's already replaced me, the children and the furniture and hasn't been surrounded by memories of us this past year.

 

If you can decide on things between the two of you, do it. It will save you heartache and money in the long run.