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Stepmother issues


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:11 AM   #16
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I don't want to be mean but you need to grow a pair. What made this woman write you a long email dissecting your divorce anyway? You should have put her in her place a long time ago. Tell your friends and relatives to not inform you of what you ex's wife is posting on social media. When you learn to stand up for yourself these problems will dissolve.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 5:35 PM   #17
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I agree! I think Im overly sensitive because I worry about my boys. I have seen them affected by her manipulation. At the moment she isnít practicing because apparently she quit her job a week before Christmas with no other job to go to. I believe she was pushed out because she is such a crazy. I think this is why her harassment has increased because she had idle hands. I forgot to add, she actually sent that email to my work email address!! So she definitely isnít the smartest lawyer out there.

I became much stronger when I stopped monitoring my sons text messages with her and non one was updating me on her ridiculous posts. At the end of the day, I donít care what her fb friends or family think of me. I only care about my boys and their well being. I try not to fuel the fire with her and my ex. They are both vicious. It has been traumatic for me dealing with these people, especially as my ex is totally opposite to the man I marriaged and once loved. Itís hard to reconcile sometimes but I have now.

I just wrote to my ex and demanded that communication remain between him and I. If I receive an email from her I will demand that she cease and desist any further contact.

Thanks for the strength xxx
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:56 PM   #18
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Make it clear to your children that YOU ARE THEIR MOM, not her. She is step mom and that's it. Until they (your kids) feel ready to be open with her, they should rely and deal with their dad and you.

This woman has issues, she's disgusting by emailing you and telling you what you did wrong in the marriage (which is NONE of her business), your ex needs to put her in place and tell her to stop being a beyotch, stop emailing you and just leave the past in the past. This woman should also not be calling the kids HER Kids, they aren't!
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Old 2nd January 2018, 7:58 PM   #19
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Hopefully he will see sense and put her in his place. Anyone with half a brain can see that if you want to wipe the slate clean with someone you donít send an email full of inflammatory comments discussing things that do not concern you. Iíve never met anyone like her. I get along great with my new partners ex. I feel like I would have easily accepted her if she had shown some decency. I do appreciate that she loves my boys but as youíve all rightly said I donít have to put up with her rubbish.

The other thing is that she is friends with my eldest son on Facebook (heís 15). He will know who she is referring to in her venting posts. In the end he will resent her if she continues which will be nobodyís fault but her own.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:05 PM   #20
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If I receive an email from her I will demand that she cease and desist any further contact.

Thanks for the strength xxx
I wouldn't even respond to her at all. Forward it to your ex and say, "Please deal with your woman."
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:11 PM   #21
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Yes! Love it.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:20 PM   #22
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Yes! Love it.
I think you're too nice, Healing. We'll show you how to be sassy!
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Old 2nd January 2018, 9:17 PM   #23
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Don't meet her.

Don't reply to her email.

Forward it to your Ex and tell him...his wife should leave you alone.

I think you should get a cease and desist notice against her.

She has no reason to speak to you. She's jealous you are the mother of your boys. Simple.

I suggest you get the boys into counselling asap. Are you in the U.S. or UK?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 5:25 PM   #24
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Hi guys,

I needs some more help. I need your strength again.

So in case you missed it, I did not respond directly to SM I responded to my ex.

I told him I would not met her and that I thought her email was inflammatory and harassment (perhaps I could have left that part out).

Anyway he has responded.


I have blocked you and will continue to do so until you grow up!

Here is how I feel about your arrogance. I told SM to stop trying because you are a stubborn bitch and you have no interest in what’s good for the boys. I said that if you haven’t gotten over whatever it is your holding onto you never will so we need to do whatever we can while the boys are home we support them the best we can because they can see the friction. I also congratulated her on trying so hard over the last few years, even coming out to you accepting she has made mistakes in the past many times like you have but you will never admit to it.

You play the, your abusing me and terrorising, card well. I’m not taking it any more. If you want a more positive 2018 let me know or it will be more of the same as it has been for the last 6 years, your choice. It’s upto you as it has been since you decided to move on in 2010.

If you want to send me a blow up email save it. Not interested. If you want to make 2018 easy let me know.

I cried for a while and I'm still crying.

The thing is I barely say a thing to him and never a thing to her. The first time I've said anything in years about her to him was when she set herself up as 'Mum' on his phone. I didn't say a word when she sent them home last year on Christmas eve and had died their hair bright red and bright purple (and when I asked my boys when it was done, it was done that day because she didn't want to ruin THEIR santa photos), or at Easter time when my eldest came home with his curly locks had shaved off so close to his head that he looked like had been to jail. I didn't comment when she gave me photos of their wedding as a Christmas present. I stopped reading my eldest son's text messages because I didn't want to see what she was saying about me as it was causing upset between my son and I. Even when I blocked her from his phone, she continued through other forms of social media. They refused to support my boys in their chosen sport and my boys would tell me that SHE has said they aren't allowed to play even though I was collecting them and dropping them back. There are so many things I keep my mouth shut about to keep the peace.

I don't know if you will read his email like I have or have a different perspective. What I'm 'holding on to' is her behaviour all the way through. There has been no break. How can I let get over it if there has been no reprieve? The thing is if she had actually sent me an email that said 'I'd love to wipe the slate clean this year, can we meet?' I probably would have agreed but her email was full of blame and accusations and discussing things that are none of her business - and I just don't trust her. In the beginning when I was communicating with her she turned on me and flung her rubbish the first time we hit a bump in the road. I feel so weak at the moment and I'm hoping you might be able lend me your strength again.

I don't know what to do. I can't afford to go to a lawyer and I earn too much to get legal aid. Last time mediation was discussed he flat out refused. Going to court will mean my eldest 2 son's will have to get up and say where they want to live which terrifies them.

Last edited by Healing1979; 3rd January 2018 at 5:33 PM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 5:57 PM   #25
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These two sound like they are made for each other.

Are you sure she didn't actually write that email for him? Can you tell by writing styles? (I ask because the couple I talked about in the beginning of this thread, the wife was writing all the emails and texts to the ex-wife, pretending they were from the husband, but it was obvious. She was super controlling/calling all the shots).

You've done nothing wrong and he sounds really awful. I know how you're feeling because I've been on the receiving end of such abuse from my ex. I advise you to do nothing at all. Don't respond. Don't consult an attorney. Don't give them what they want, which is for you to "prove their point" that you're an angry you-know-what. If you get another email from her, just forward it to him. If he truly has you blocked, print it out and mail it to him.

These two sound like a nightmare to co-parent with. I'm curious, why did your marriage end?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:08 PM   #26
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She has taken control pf his emails before but this one is from him. He loves to call me names. Last time it was Ďyouíre the biggest c@&t in the worldí.

I left him. He had alcohol issues. Nothing major but it was too much for me. When our last baby was born I had a really rough labour. The day I came home he went out to Ďwet the babies headí and was hung over In bed for 2 whole days. We also had 2 other small children to look after. After that I wanted change and I wanted him to apologise. But he never would.

Fast forward a year later, I was working 2 jobs, running everything in our household and studying my post grad. He was working with my parents and I had my mum in my ear telling me that he wasnít doing well, he was lazy.

I just left. I guess Iím a runner. We tried to get back together but we never could make it work. I met someone else and he was furious. Then he met someone else but was still furious at me. Still is.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:15 PM   #27
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She has taken control pf his emails before but this one is from him. He loves to call me names. Last time it was Ďyouíre the biggest c@&t in the worldí.

I left him. He had alcohol issues. Nothing major but it was too much for me. When our last baby was born I had a really rough labour. The day I came home he went out to Ďwet the babies headí and was hung over In bed for 2 whole days. We also had 2 other small children to look after. After that I wanted change and I wanted him to apologise. But he never would.

Fast forward a year later, I was working 2 jobs, running everything in our household and studying my post grad. He was working with my parents and I had my mum in my ear telling me that he wasnít doing well, he was lazy.

I just left. I guess Iím a runner. We tried to get back together but we never could make it work. I met someone else and he was furious. Then he met someone else but was still furious at me. Still is.
Sounds familiar!

You're too hard on yourself (second guessing) and too nice. He's a jerk. You are not. Your kids WILL see this!!! Especially if he's still drinking.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:25 PM   #28
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Thank you so much. It has been so helpful to have another perspective. I wonít respond. I have been a mess today which is why I donít usually cause friction. This whole thing has been in retaliation for me speaking up about the fact that she had set herself up as Ďmumí in the new phone. Itís hard to deal with it on your own. Friends donít really want to hear about it after 6 years. Itís a burden. It just churns like a panic attack inside until it passes. Thank you again so much for helping it pass quicker xo
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:27 PM   #29
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Thank you so much. It has been so helpful to have another perspective. I wonít respond. I have been a mess today which is why I donít usually cause friction. This whole thing has been in retaliation for me speaking up about the fact that she had set herself up as Ďmumí in the new phone. Itís hard to deal with it on your own. Friends donít really want to hear about it after 6 years. Itís a burden. It just churns like a panic attack inside until it passes. Thank you again so much for helping it pass quicker xo
For the record, I'd be super pissed about that, too. She needs to know her place. Well, I'm sure she is smart enough to know it....she needs to be kind enough to stay in it. My kids have never called their stepmother by anything other than her first name.

Sorry this is happening . You can definitely rise above it.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 8:47 PM   #30
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I suggest you block her on email. Don't ever respond to anything from her again.

You may be able to get free support from some women's abuse support groups in your area.

He's still angry that you left him.
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