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Alienation of affection?


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Old 1st December 2017, 10:41 AM   #1
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Alienation of affection?

Hi, wanting to know if anyone is familiar with or had knowledge/success on Alienation of affection? I know there is certain jurisdictions and I am in one of those states that allows it.

Read my past thread. Basically, wife and I were married 17 years, been together 22 years. We were best of friends, been through good times, been through bad times. Every marriage has it. We always told each other everything and had a trusting, loving marriage.

Last year, I had surgery, she took a LOA from work, to be with me through the whole process, including recovery. Then she went back to work and started getting close with a few co-workers, one being a MM co-worker, maybe for support, maybe to get advise, IDK. She started hanging out with a few co-workers after work, including MM co-worker.

Then just the 2 of them were hanging out, my wife and her MM co-worker. She said they are just friends, but then I noticed, she started "changing" around Christmas 2016, being a little distant to me, holding back emotions, not being much loving toward me. By February 2017, I was trying to hold her hand when we were out in public, asking about how she was daily, (job, health, etc..) trying being close, cuddling during a movie, and seemed like I had to climb a brick wall to be near her. Then in March 2017, she said she is not happy and asked me for a divorce. She will not consider marriage consoling, or seeing a pastor, or going to a couple marriage retreat.

I know she still talks with MM co-worker at work, text/calls after work and more then probably, still hangs out with him outside work. MM has some tattoos, and he likes shoes. In May 2017, she got a tattoo on her foot and she called MM and met with him to show him her tattoo. STBXW did not talk with me or wanted to call/show me first. I also noticed she was buying new & changing her outfits for work, & has bought about a dozen new shoes for work, going out.

Today, we are in the middle of our divorce with no reconciliation. STBXW told me, she does not trust me, does not respect me, does not love me. She has stated & told me earlier this year, she trusts, respects and loves (as a friend) her MM co-worker. I know he is a snake and does not tell his wife everything.

So, I am wondering about looking into Alienation of affection brought on him. If anyone has experience or any knowledge of this. Any suggestions/thoughts? Thanks in advanced.
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Old 1st December 2017, 10:52 AM   #2
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Alienation of Affection lawsuits happen now and then:


Fletcher Cox Sued for Allegedly Having Sex with Man's Wife, Ruining Marriage | Bleacher Report


The problem though with any kind of litigation is that it's draining and expensive. If you want to throw a shock his way, cause him a little of the pain you're feeling, and you don't care whether you win or not, it might be effective. But you want to know what's going to be a lot more effective? Sharing any evidence you have with his wife rather than the court system. THAT will shake up his world and send him scurrying for cover.


I'm sorry, man. This sucks like a black hole from hell and there's no getting around it.
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Old 1st December 2017, 10:59 AM   #3
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OK, so you know...

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorstFeelingEver View Post
Hi, wanting to know if anyone is familiar with or had knowledge/success on Alienation of affection? I know there is certain jurisdictions and I am in one of those states that allows it.

Read my past thread. Basically, wife and I were married 17 years, been together 22 years. We were best of friends, been through good times, been through bad times. Every marriage has it. We always told each other everything and had a trusting, loving marriage.

Last year, I had surgery, she took a LOA from work, to be with me through the whole process, including recovery. Then she went back to work and started getting close with a few co-workers, one being a MM co-worker, maybe for support, maybe to get advise, IDK. She started hanging out with a few co-workers after work, including MM co-worker.

Then just the 2 of them were hanging out, my wife and her MM co-worker. She said they are just friends, but then I noticed, she started "changing" around Christmas 2016, being a little distant to me, holding back emotions, not being much loving toward me. By February 2017, I was trying to hold her hand when we were out in public, asking about how she was daily, (job, health, etc..) trying being close, cuddling during a movie, and seemed like I had to climb a brick wall to be near her. Then in March 2017, she said she is not happy and asked me for a divorce. She will not consider marriage consoling, or seeing a pastor, or going to a couple marriage retreat.

I know she still talks with MM co-worker at work, text/calls after work and more then probably, still hangs out with him outside work. MM has some tattoos, and he likes shoes. In May 2017, she got a tattoo on her foot and she called MM and met with him to show him her tattoo. STBXW did not talk with me or wanted to call/show me first. I also noticed she was buying new & changing her outfits for work, & has bought about a dozen new shoes for work, going out.

Today, we are in the middle of our divorce with no reconciliation. STBXW told me, she does not trust me, does not respect me, does not love me. She has stated & told me earlier this year, she trusts, respects and loves (as a friend) her MM co-worker. I know he is a snake and does not tell his wife everything.

So, I am wondering about looking into Alienation of affection brought on him. If anyone has experience or any knowledge of this. Any suggestions/thoughts? Thanks in advanced.
OK, so you know... she has been having a physical affair the whole time, right.

Did you tell the MM's wife, or did you not look for proof?

As far as AOA, if you have the money, maybe you could. If you have the money.

Is your state a no fault state? You know that you should have told his wife don't you. She deserves to know what they are doing.
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Old 1st December 2017, 11:07 AM   #4
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If the MM is described as a 'co-worker at work' I'd pass. If he was Ross Perot, maybe. Otherwise not worth the legal fees. Blood and turnips and all that. There's a balance point where the windfall makes the pain and expense worth it. With most regular folks, nah, it sucks move on.

I'm with GT, collect verifiable evidence and send in a verifiable way, meaning you can be sure the spouse (BS) got it. I did that one time right before the WS and BS were scheduled to go on a Mexican cruise. Heh. Bet that guy (BS) was pissed off. Never a peep again.
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Old 2nd December 2017, 4:03 PM   #5
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THe main benefit of threatening an AOA case is to give you leverage in getting a better divorce deal. It's not something you should really want to go through with. It'll make the whole thing much messier and more painful for everyone involved, including you, and even if you "win" you probably won't get the money.


Now, if you seriously want to pursue an AoA claim despite all that, it varies slightly by state but I'm going to go by the one where I know the rules. Evidence is required. Them hanging out together is not sufficient evidence. Them being close friends is not sufficient evidence. Even her saying she loves him isn't sufficient evidence.

Generally for an AoA case, you have to be able to prove:
- you and your spouse were genuinely in love
- a third party intentionally and maliciously destroyed that love

If you can prove that they had sex before your separation/divorce proceedings began that will usually be good enough. If you don't have solid proof of that, though, you would need to get hold of clear evidence of him trying to turn her against you. Not just being nice to her, but actively saying bad things about you, encouraging her to leave you, etc. You would have to show that he was the active agent whittling her down over time.
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Old 2nd December 2017, 4:56 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorstFeelingEver View Post
Hi, wanting to know if anyone is familiar with or had knowledge/success on Alienation of affection? I know there is certain jurisdictions and I am in one of those states that allows it.

Read my past thread. Basically, wife and I were married 17 years, been together 22 years. We were best of friends, been through good times, been through bad times. Every marriage has it. We always told each other everything and had a trusting, loving marriage.

Last year, I had surgery, she took a LOA from work, to be with me through the whole process, including recovery. Then she went back to work and started getting close with a few co-workers, one being a MM co-worker, maybe for support, maybe to get advise, IDK. She started hanging out with a few co-workers after work, including MM co-worker.

Then just the 2 of them were hanging out, my wife and her MM co-worker. She said they are just friends, but then I noticed, she started "changing" around Christmas 2016, being a little distant to me, holding back emotions, not being much loving toward me. By February 2017, I was trying to hold her hand when we were out in public, asking about how she was daily, (job, health, etc..) trying being close, cuddling during a movie, and seemed like I had to climb a brick wall to be near her. Then in March 2017, she said she is not happy and asked me for a divorce. She will not consider marriage consoling, or seeing a pastor, or going to a couple marriage retreat.

I know she still talks with MM co-worker at work, text/calls after work and more then probably, still hangs out with him outside work. MM has some tattoos, and he likes shoes. In May 2017, she got a tattoo on her foot and she called MM and met with him to show him her tattoo. STBXW did not talk with me or wanted to call/show me first. I also noticed she was buying new & changing her outfits for work, & has bought about a dozen new shoes for work, going out.

Today, we are in the middle of our divorce with no reconciliation. STBXW told me, she does not trust me, does not respect me, does not love me. She has stated & told me earlier this year, she trusts, respects and loves (as a friend) her MM co-worker. I know he is a snake and does not tell his wife everything.

So, I am wondering about looking into Alienation of affection brought on him. If anyone has experience or any knowledge of this. Any suggestions/thoughts? Thanks in advanced.
You should inform her.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:39 PM   #7
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AOA is a damages action. It is different from criminal conversation which is also a damages action to be brought in a divorce. The basic difference is criminal conversation is if you have proof they had sex.

These actions are expensive, require very strong evidence and the outcome if you are successful is onlynone thing and that is a financial award.

Itís emotionally draining, takes a long time, and unless the respondent has substantial financial assets itís not worth it.

YMMV
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