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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 2nd February 2018, 4:02 PM   #151
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Originally Posted by dannyStL View Post
I feel soooo lonely without her, even with my kids in the room. I also start feeling doomed and lonely when I think about the future. After the bills are paid Ill be lucky to have $200 a week for 2 kids lol, I'm scared to death.
Youíve been extremely emotionally dependent on your girlfriend, and youíre now experiencing separation anxiety. Your fear and dependency on her are what have been causing you to continually take her back no matter what she does because you are scared to death of living without her.

As far as the money is concerned, thatís a self-created problem. Unlike most of the guys commenting here, you are extremely lucky to not be married. You owe your girlfriend absolutely nothing. If youíre stupid enough to pay for an apartment for her, donít whine about not having any money.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 5:38 PM   #152
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Originally Posted by dannyStL View Post
I feel soooo lonely without her, even with my kids in the room. I also start feeling doomed and lonely when I think about the future. After the bills are paid Ill be lucky to have $200 a week for 2 kids lol, I'm scared to death.
Have you never heard of Walmart, Craigslist, and resale shops? Stop paying for your ex's anything. Tighten your belt and learn to make everything at home...coffee, lunch, etc. If you're careful with the money, $200 per week after the bills are paid is plenty.

Also, get thee to court and file for custody. I don't know about your state, but in mine unmarried fathers literally have zero parental rights until a judge says they do. In other words, if I were unmarried with minor children, I could drop my kids with their father until I decided I wanted them back, tell the police he is keeping them against my will, get a police escort, physically take them from him, and there isn't a damn thing he could do because there isn't a court order granting him parenting time.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 6:44 PM   #153
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Have you never heard of Walmart, Craigslist, and resale shops? Stop paying for your ex's anything. Tighten your belt and learn to make everything at home...coffee, lunch, etc. If you're careful with the money, $200 per week after the bills are paid is plenty.

Also, get thee to court and file for custody. I don't know about your state, but in mine unmarried fathers literally have zero parental rights until a judge says they do. In other words, if I were unmarried with minor children, I could drop my kids with their father until I decided I wanted them back, tell the police he is keeping them against my will, get a police escort, physically take them from him, and there isn't a damn thing he could do because there isn't a court order granting him parenting time.
Belt tightening isnít even required. He should now have more money, not less, because has doesnít have to spend a cent on his girlfriend any longer. Plus, since the girlfriend doesnít want custody, he can take her to court and get a child support order against her. Honestly, he should come out a lot stronger financially than he was while in a relationship with her.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 3:46 PM   #154
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Belt tightening isnít even required. He should now have more money, not less, because has doesnít have to spend a cent on his girlfriend any longer. Plus, since the girlfriend doesnít want custody, he can take her to court and get a child support order against her. Honestly, he should come out a lot stronger financially than he was while in a relationship with her.
You'd be surprised how many will show up and demand their kids back when A) they get dumped by their latest romantic partner, B) they get social censure for "abandoning their kids" and/or C) they realize they'll have to pay child support. OP needs to file for official custody NOW before she changes her mind, he ends up having to pay her child support plus daycare, etc., and he does come out worse.
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Old 4th February 2018, 5:51 PM   #155
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You will stay in the delimma you're end until you go your own way.
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Old 7th February 2018, 5:35 AM   #156
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Originally Posted by dannyStL View Post
You guys were right about everything. She is still seeing the other man. I left the house last night to get my own apartment and she said she couldn't take care of the kids, so they left with me. We are currently sleeping on my sisters floor, but I'm supposed to get an apartment tomorrow. She wants me to stay at the house, but live in the basement while we live separate lives, for the kids to finish out the school year. I'm not sure what to do, this is all too much, do I go back home for the kids?
Hey danny, i'm very sad it did not turn well, but you have to convince yourself this is a good thing for you.

You saw her true color many times and it's not easy what she's done to you. The emotionnal damage is here and devastating and you are surely in the deep stage of sadness.

But again, you will do it. Many of us were here, and today, we are still here to talk.

I was in your place few month ago and i can assure you, i'm OK today. It's not easy but it's ok. Depression is gone, anxiety is gone , sleeping is back and priority is settled.

Those event have a meaning : you and only you are the most important person on your life. This is a very good lesson for guys like us who will do anything for the loved one. We should do everything for us and not for another person.

I did have some time to think about that and i was a big fool to accept the cheating part.

Marriage does not mean anything today and those broken things, nobody has the strenght to go deep and try to fix it.

You are a good guy, i did follow your story. I hope you will be ok, see you soon here.
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Old 7th February 2018, 2:13 PM   #157
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I absolutely feel for you. I wanted to point out that I went through a very similar experience about 3 years ago. It was mind blowing, devastating, I contemplated suicide for the first time in my life.

Here we are three years later and I am more happy now than Iíve ever been. My son is happpy, I have a great woman in my life. I never knew things could be this good. You will get there too, I promise.

1 day at a time, one hour at a time if necessary. Hang in there. There is a light. I promise.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 2:42 PM   #158
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Update

So, we are still stuck in the same rut. She never moved out like she said she was going to. We have been doing the same old thing, raising our kids, going out together, having sex, sharing the same bank account. I have found out that she has had sex with two other men in total, 1 a one night stand, the other her co-worker that does not want a relationship with her, just a booty call. We are still in the same house together.


Yesterday she found out that her best friend and I have been talking for weeks, trading texts, trading phone calls, strictly about what is going on. She flipped out and said her friend betrayed her and she was done with her, which is probably a good thing, because its her party friend. When she confronted me about it I explained that we were talking to try and figure out why she was doing what she was doing, what she wanted, and how to fix it. She finally sat down with me and told me what she wants:


To live in the same house and raise the kids
have separate bedrooms
date each other and see where it goes
do things as a family
be free to see other people


She wants to do this long term for at least two years. I spoke to my counselor who told me this is called "cake eating" where she gets comfort at home, but excitement with the AP. The counselor said it sounds like she is going through a midlife crisis. The counselor claims that if I am non-confrontational, give her space, and wait it out (could be 2 years), there is the possibility she will return to her family. I have a feeling I know what everyone's response to this will be, but has anyone successfully fixed a relationship with a cake eater in midlife crisis?
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Old 23rd February 2018, 2:50 PM   #159
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That is it...

Quote:
Originally Posted by dannyStL View Post
So, we are still stuck in the same rut. She never moved out like she said she was going to. We have been doing the same old thing, raising our kids, going out together, having sex, sharing the same bank account. I have found out that she has had sex with two other men in total, 1 a one night stand, the other her co-worker that does not want a relationship with her, just a booty call. We are still in the same house together.

Yesterday she found out that her best friend and I have been talking for weeks, trading texts, trading phone calls, strictly about what is going on. She flipped out and said her friend betrayed her and she was done with her, which is probably a good thing, because its her party friend. When she confronted me about it I explained that we were talking to try and figure out why she was doing what she was doing, what she wanted, and how to fix it. She finally sat down with me and told me what she wants:

To live in the same house and raise the kids
have separate bedrooms
date each other and see where it goes
do things as a family
be free to see other people

She wants to do this long term for at least two years. I spoke to my counselor who told me this is called "cake eating" where she gets comfort at home, but excitement with the AP. The counselor said it sounds like she is going through a midlife crisis. The counselor claims that if I am non-confrontational, give her space, and wait it out (could be 2 years), there is the possibility she will return to her family. I have a feeling I know what everyone's response to this will be, but has anyone successfully fixed a relationship with a cake eater in midlife crisis?
That is it...

Gee I thought you were done when you found out that she really had and affair.... Give me a break...

What is it that you want. Do you want her to bring her BF's home so you can watch????? I guess it must be...

Danny, why can't you understand that this woman does not love you. She never loved you, and she never will love you.

I guess you just really want to be a cuckold...

Please, grow up and divorce this woman. Oh, and find a new counselor.

Please, please, please listen to me and other that are telling you to get out.

I have never give up on someone at LS. But I think I am going to give up on you...
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Old 23rd February 2018, 4:57 PM   #160
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Believe me Blues you are not the only one giving up on me. My close friends and even my family are starting to shy away. They were all super supportive at first, but see no end in sight, and are as exhausted as everyone else. I think my biggest issue is I try to find a glimmer of hope in everything, such as the counselor saying people can snap out of a midlife crisis, or the fact that she wants to remain at the house. I have good days, then I have terrible days. My job has worked with me since November, but even they are tired of it, giving me a final warning before a performance plan today. I had hoped someone was familiar with this midlife crisis issue, and the possibility of returning to normal.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 5:30 PM   #161
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danny, that should tell you something...

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Originally Posted by dannyStL View Post
Believe me Blues you are not the only one giving up on me. My close friends and even my family are starting to shy away. They were all super supportive at first, but see no end in sight, and are as exhausted as everyone else. I think my biggest issue is I try to find a glimmer of hope in everything, such as the counselor saying people can snap out of a midlife crisis, or the fact that she wants to remain at the house. I have good days, then I have terrible days. My job has worked with me since November, but even they are tired of it, giving me a final warning before a performance plan today. I had hoped someone was familiar with this midlife crisis issue, and the possibility of returning to normal.
danny, that should tell you something... The reason that everyone is tired of you and your issues is that you will not move on.

You are about to get your butt fired because you are moping around about her. That is insane. And you are thinking about accepting any of this?

Brother, she admitted that she had an affair, and slept around. She says 2 guys, well guess what, it is probably 10 times that.

And how do you have any idea that her affair is over? You don't.

Danny, brother, you have to move on. Do you want to catch her in bed with some guy in 10 years and then divorce her? Think about that, because it is likely to happen...
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Old 23rd February 2018, 6:09 PM   #162
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You are weak as a kitten and you are keeping yourself there. No one can help you.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 10:13 PM   #163
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I think if she could actually find someone who would take her
she would leave you and the children behind in her dust.
Make no mistake thou, by making the decision to stay together
under her terms (this is your choice)
You can no longer play the victim!
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Old 24th February 2018, 2:34 AM   #164
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If you need cash I'll fly in and buy that new tahoe she 'bought you'. Time to "nut up" and for the love of god...stop starting every post with what "she's doing".. If you want help ask for it,but you need to check the ego at the door. You got cheated on..it happens to the 'best of us' and if you're good with crazy women(no offense ladies) more than once..What are YOU doing to handle this?
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Old 25th February 2018, 11:54 AM   #165
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Sorry you are going through this. Try to be civil. Donít give her any idea since you are hurt you will give her what she wants for custody and child support. Give her the idea you want to be civil and coparent and everyone will be better off. Ask her where she is moving? I would let her know you would like to work out a joint custody arrangement and that the kids should stay in their currrnt school.

Hopefully she doesnít intend on moving the kids too far away.

Good luck.
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