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Wife ended 6 year relationship 2 months after we got married


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 13th January 2018, 12:58 AM   #31
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Hi all. Just a quick update in the ongoing events and life of aussie_fella.

Happy 2018 to you all here! Hope this is a much better year of personal growth and learning for us all.

I have been doing alot of exercise / hiking etc and positive things which does make me feel alot better. I feel i have more of a clear path to follow at this stage of my life and doing things for myself which has been great!

Back to an update on my wife / life.

I saw her the other week and yes i guess there is a small amount of umbilical cord attached here.

I asked her about Bee this other woman and she told me that they kissed but did not have full sex etc. I don't know if she is full of **** or whatnot, but it does not matter i guess. An emotional attachment is the same to me!

I asked her if there is a relationship going on between them. She told me that it is a support thing for her at this time and i dont think she is a lesbian maybe just in a weird place atm due to breakup etc, i was a bit confused when she used the word "soulmates" when describing this woman and i started thinking **** me! Not even 4 months out of our marriage and she just waltzes into some new life without me, dumping most if not all of our friends to possibly with some lesbian chick from her work that shes known for 6 months.

My wife insists that they are just friends but i just don't know what to think. I told her she has no reason to lie if more than that has occurred and the worst is already over. I told her that i wanted her to make sure that she is not being taken advantage of here being vulnerable just out of a 6 year relationship and some woman lesbian possibly a man hater but hard to say, takes her under her arm and they go off an god knows what relationship / i don't know???

I know everyone on here will tell me as before to stay away from my wife. that is really hard to do as i love her so much and she tells me she loves me and misses me when i see her which is only every 2-3 weeks.

When i was over her place last week, after talking about this other woman etc, we have been communicating better than when we were together. I have taken the time to work on myself and i see it shining through when we talk, ie i fully listen, am more stable, more supportive etc. i think this is a good thing for me to learn as i just don't feel right getting involved with anyone else until i resolve these things about myself. Even if my wife and i don't get back together i feel like i do still want to be friends with her as we have been through alot and still care about one another.

She tells me that she enjoys my company and im sure it gives her a kick which is great for her but maybe not so great for me. I am aware of the potential downsides to this and everyone here will say stay away which is good advice, however i am almost to the point where i want to be her friend and still get on with my own life and do what i need to.

Whilst i was there she said some things which caught me off guard. We ended up snuggling on the lounge for an hour, fairly non sexual, I had 2 wines and she said "maybe you have had too much to drink and you might have to stay here tonight" and "i have had a bit to drink and i might drop my boundaries IE get a little sexual with me" what the hell do i make of all this??? I told her i was aok to drive and left 45 mins later.

Is this her being confused? seems like it. She seems a bit over the shop, telling me about this other woman, then half suggesting that something might happen between us that night. Maybe this other woman really is not sexual with my wife and my wife was just lonely? I would not sleep with my wife in this circumstance. I told her that i would give things another go but was up to her, she told me that it is a thing in her personality that once she ends a relationship that is it for her as she was worried about getting hurt again in the future by me. I told her we could just be friends and take it REALLY SLOW, nothing sexual, just catch up from time to time to show her the better man i have become and treat her right. She seems possibly interested i can see her torn over this, to want to poss give things another shot, but is sticking to her guns for now which i understand.

Anyways thats me for now. I'll keep you posted on how things progress! Im sure people will have some words of wisdom here and im sure they will say avoid my wife etc, but i don't feel like i need to fully avoid her as i am feeling like im getting on my own plans / goals without her and i would love to be able to grow from this and become a better man. Even if she moves on with man / woman lol i just want to learn all i can from this to grow!

Thankyou and happy 2018!
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Old 13th January 2018, 9:13 AM   #32
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Hi Aussie_ fella, after reading your New Year post I guess I am a little disappointed. The fact is that you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and heartbreak. Inspire of your reading your wife's mental state as being confused, the fact is that she is much more level headed and cool and collected than you are. Somewhere in your posts you have mentioned that you asked her if a reconciliation was possible in the future. Her reply was very telling. She said that there is a personality trait within her which mandates that once a relationship is over for her it is over, period. There is no going back for her. I do not think she could have enunciated it any more clearly than this so that your chances of winning at the races or at the casino would rate higher than the possibility of getting back with her. All you are doing is banging your head against a solid stone wall and you could spill your brain s out on the side walk and nothing would change for her.

The fact that you say you can be friends with her is just an empty wish. How can you be friends with someone who has hurt you so deeply and insensitively, taking you by complete surprise while you see nothing wrong with that? Of course she will be happy to have your support without the baggage of a relationship. It will prove to her that she is something special and that a guy like you cannot do without her emotional shoulder to lean on. By trying to be friends with her you will not be able to break the hold she had over you and she will keep reeling you in as and when she needs your help and support. She is like a bad habit that you are not able to shrug off. It is only when you snap ties with her cleanly and completely that you will start healing and growing as an individual. For the sake of your future please let her go, if not abruptly, then in a few spaced out steps which will help both of you to adjust to not having the support and company of each other. If you font do this then in my opinion you are going to have a long period of painful withdrawal symptoms which will drain you emotionally and leave you permanently scarred for a lifetime. Something to think about. Warm wishes.
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Old 14th January 2018, 6:47 PM   #33
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The fact is that you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and heartbreak. Inspire of your reading your wife's mental state as being confused, the fact is that she is much more level headed and cool and collected than you are.
Hey Just a Guy thankyou for the feedback.

i deeply appreciate your getting back to me. I have a few questions which i thought i would ask you. I need to clarify some thoughts and feelings and get this clear in my mind.

1. When you say she is more cool and level headed than myself, i am assuming you mean that she is cool and collected about the decision to end the relationship? I would agree with you here, her decision to end it rings loud and clear. However her reckless actions surrounding all of this since my wife left me suggest she is not level headed about the decision. She has been super unstable after making the decision to end our marriage - she was drinking alot, going semi lesbian for her work mate, abandoning her friends and family and in general just all over the shop. Are these the actions of someone who is level headed? Perhaps these are just the consequences of making her decision and this is her way of getting through it.


2. I suppose the other night when she was cuddling me and saying about her boundarys might be dropping are just breadcrumbs?, or perhaps more of the "i can get all the comfort of a relationship from this guy without actually being in a relationship with him?" God forbid if we actually slept together that could get messy.


3. The whole wanting to be friends with her could have something to do with the Borderline Personality Disorder, where i idealise her despite her having screwing me over by leaving our marriage so suddenly and hurting me a great deal. From my reading into BPD this is a common thing and it can be a bit clingy / co-dependant. If thats the case then yes i need to BREAK this ASAP! Do i just tell her this is not working and i cant be friends with her and go NC from there? Or just fade out slowly by going LC and let her initiate any contact from here?

4. Lastly, i forgot to mention in my last post that i ended up sleeping with another woman."She is a friend of a friend" She is also going through a dreadful marriage breakup - Her husband left her for another woman and they have 2 kids etc. We met out one night and hit it off. I have been very clear that this is a rebound thing and i am totally not in a position mentally to be in another relationship etc. She was receptive to this and also told me she was not after a relationship as it has only been 6 months since her husband left her and she is still processing things.

We ended up hooking up again 2 days ago and although i don't have any feeling of love for this person, i do respect her and treat her well of course. Being with another woman has helped me regain my confidence. I feel like i have my mojo back once more which has been like a dark cloud lifting from me. It has helped me see that there is a life after my failed marriage and all the excercise / self improvement and counselling have helped me to bounce back!

I still think about my wife despite this which is crazy! Maybe going NC completely with my wife will help this? Of course it will Seems like this is the last link of the puzzle and the way to move on is just to move on from her. Simple in theory right but the heart tricks and confuses me.

Thankyou and if any other folks out there been reading my story feel free to chime in.

Cheers
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:14 PM   #34
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Total NC with the wife.

If you chase they move farther away.

She’s wanting to cake eat.

She’s also a liar. admitted kissing in an affair = sex
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:37 PM   #35
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Hi Marc878

Yeah thats the feeling i get too. I just want her to be honest is all i asked for. I thought the same thing, kissing = screwing around whether there was full on sex involved or not. I doubt that she would have" just kissed" this other woman. They spent 8 nights together in the past 3 weeks as if they would have only kissed??? Even in the slightest chance they they did not have full on lesbian sex, there is still that emotional attachment there that hurts me.

Is there any use in even trying to get honest answers from her re this? it might helps me with my resolve to know that she is screwing around. NC seems best god damn its hard though.

Is there any point in telling her about my fling? I know it's really is none of her business, but my intention here would be to show her that i am moving on and it might just help? Maybe if i tell her i have slept with someone else then she might be able to honestly tell me about this other woman. Or to hell with it all don't ask forget about her life? i just want the truth and be done!

Even if i call her out on being a liar, she will most likely back up anyway / feel threatened, i just want it all on the table i can't handle secrets etc.

Thanks mate!
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Old 14th January 2018, 8:06 PM   #36
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Cheaters are notorious liars that’s all you’ve gotten or will get. Talk is a waste of your time.

Every betrayed spouse wants to believe no sex because they are in denial. Which is where you are. It’s a sexual affair. A blind man could see it. You just don’t want the truth.

Telling her about the other woman is just you trying to manipulate. Something a teenage does.

Stand up and walk away.

File for an annulment or continue to wallow in this for someone who doesn’t want you and you’ll never be able to trust.

You can’t be this hard up you can do better

Last edited by Marc878; 14th January 2018 at 11:11 PM..
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Old 16th January 2018, 11:28 AM   #37
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At this point to not tell about you dating.

If your WW wants back. Then at that point it is the time
for both of you to be honest about what happened.
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Old 18th January 2018, 10:20 AM   #38
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Hi Aussie_fella, I can see that you are on an emotional roller coaster and at this point of time in your life that is quite understandable. You asked how I think your wife was cool and level headed when walking put on you? The fact is that she walked out two months after the solemnizing of your marriage which is a pointer to her cold hearted decision making and only a cool and level headed person would be capable of doing that. Her actions subsequent to moving out are just a reaction of her having called time on the marriage. It could be something like withdrawal symptoms and not an indication of confusion on her part. If she was confused she would have come running back to you in a week or ten days after leaving you. However, she has resolutely stuck by her decision and given you no indication that she is coming back. Please do not fool yourself. You will get hurt.

You are absolutely right about her throwing breadcrumbs your way. She wants to keep you on a leash to salve her conscience and to fill a void which obviously is there considering you were at her side for six years. In this she is the one who stands to benefit while you will scrabble to get at these breadcrumbs and thank her for them.

Whether your desire to be friends with her is the result of your BPD or not is something only a professional can tell you. Maybe Downtown can help you out here. All I know is that it should be a complete no-no for you as it would prove to her that she is a special princess who you cannot do without. As far as you ate concerned it would be something demeaning for you. Maybe years later it may work out but not right now when she has dumped you so unceremoniously and walked out on you. I had suggested a slow detachment program from her for you if you cannot do it abruptly but detach you must. As far as your sleeping with this other lady, if she is still married and not planning on a divorce I would think it is wrong. If she is done and is already well on the divorce path then I suppose it's alright as long as you for not get emotionally entangled with her. As a man you may just be in it for the sex but for her it may be a way to find a new mate. Remember women usually give sex for getting love so be careful. You do not want to have to deal with hurt feelings and a woman scorned. Also, this lady has baggage, a lot of it which you may not like to be saddled with.

For the rest, keep up the good work on yourself and give us periodic updates on your progress. Warm wishes.
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Old 24th January 2018, 4:07 AM   #39
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At this point to not tell about you dating.

If your WW wants back. Then at that point it is the time
for both of you to be honest about what happened.
Yes, being honest and open can make most of the situations understandable and solved. You are a nice guy who looks really determined in himself. Keep the good work continue.

Tell her about everything damn open and straight. If worked out, great! if not, move on and stay out of her life. Things may not make sense that much in these days but if sober you look back after few months and being healed would be great.

Also, to make sure you don't get relapsed back with drugs and stuff. Try to change your surroundings and friendships if possible. Don't just trust your guts that you'll control yourself. Make yourself physically distant with everything that attracts those drugs to be near you.

Warm Wishes!
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Old 29th January 2018, 10:32 AM   #40
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Hi Aussie_ fella, how are you doing? Any updates on your situation? Would like to hear from you on your progress. Do not quietly fade away into a corner licking your wounds. Keep coming back here to ask for help and advice as there are a lot of good people here who will support you in your forward movement. Wish you a bright and happy future.
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Old 1st February 2018, 6:30 PM   #41
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Hi there. So quick update. Have basically started to want nothing to do with my wife now. The more i think about how screwed up the whole situation is with her cruel and cold hearted actions leaving our marriage so soon and suddenly the more i want to walk away.

I called her 2 weeks ago all blubbering and upset and i now feel like an idiot. She is gone and has re-stated that its over and im now going NC again for at least 3 months if i can handle it / hopefully not run into her at mutual friends social events etc.

I have been really busy working / doing some exercise and looking for my own apartment now, "have been staying with friends the past few months since she left. Will be nice to have my own space again.

So yes alot of rebuilding my life and guess what, i am excited for this and feel like i am taking back some control and power in my life again. I am now seeing as my contacting her as negative for my self improvement. I just feel there is not point even talking to her as she is done and i will just keep pining in hope she will change her mind.

I read something interesting the other day which helped that said "make some notes of all the things that you liked about your ex and what she did for you that was positive, now think about being with a new woman. Now think, what is it that this new woman cant provide you with that only your ex could" IE There are other women out there and they too can make you happy and love you etc. Not only your ex had the power to do this, but other women too.


Thanks again for all the support on here it has helped me alot. I will keep the updates coming from time to time and will be sure to keep posted on positive events more so than negative ones as im looking to be good!
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Old 2nd February 2018, 4:40 AM   #42
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Hi Aussie_fella, thank you for the up date. Keep posting about everything, negative and positive. The folks on here will be able to help you with the negatives as those are where you will need help. Anyone can laugh with you in happy times. It is the ones who can give you a shoulder to lean on during the rough times that really count. Warm wishes.
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Old 20th February 2018, 10:27 PM   #43
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Hi all. Just another quick update on things.


So basically things have been mostly good. I have kept up the good work on myself and gym / running when i have time and feeling much better. I still have my up and down days from time to time and i go through a slew of emotions from having great days and not thinking about her and going to hate towards her and negative feelings.
The other day she texted me to say that her father was having health problems and said that i should not tell anyone about it etc and that she was not even meant to know about it. After texting her back to say "How serious is it / is he ok etc" she didn't return my text back for 3 frigging days!!! Then she texted me back not even answering my previous question saying "ok yep sure" and i am going to go into a busy period of work soon and don't take it the wrong way if i don't contact you for a month"" WTF!!!! She tells me her father may be dying then does this whole im too busy to even txt me for a month or so! i feel like a piece of crap. I cant believe this is the same person i asked to marry not even 6 months ago.
It really hurts me and i dont deserve this.


I see she went out with all my friends wifes etc on a girls night out bday last week but yeah shes too busy to txt me how her father is doing after saying he might be dying. I am actually starting to hate her for all she is worth. She has done nothing but treat me like **** after she left me and so sick of it!

Its been almost 2.5 weeks since that lame hurtful text and i wish it had been 2 years the way i feel.


i have not been pursuing her in any way in the last month. I think ive only had 10 conversations with her since she left me 5 months ago and not many texts either.


She also is saying that she is going to events on facebook that i already said i was going to , for eg a friends rock concert coming up. I posted that i was going some time ago and now i see she is interested in going too now. Does it get to a stage where i can just tell her i don't want her around do not want to see her etc???

Another note the Other Woman i was seeing a while back has moved on and seeing someone else now which is good as she was getting too attached to fast, i told her that i am in no place for a relationship so back to working on myself now. It still hurts so much thinking about my wife i wished it could have worked out. I feel like i have seen a side to her i do not like much at all after she took off.


When does all of this get better i do not know. I keep saying i will be ok in a year but i don't really know.??


What are everyones thoughts on why my wife is turning nasty almost playing games and will this hate i have for her be replaced with love and acceptance of her decision to leave me.


I feel like i am the one who is being wronged here and i don't deserve it im so sick of it and even though i do not contact her anymore i still feel like i have been wronged and i wish untoward thoughts for her. sucks i know but thats where im at.


Cheers everyone.
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Old 20th February 2018, 10:42 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by aussie_fella View Post
Hi all. Just another quick update on things.


So basically things have been mostly good. I have kept up the good work on myself and gym / running when i have time and feeling much better. I still have my up and down days from time to time and i go through a slew of emotions from having great days and not thinking about her and going to hate towards her and negative feelings.
The other day she texted me to say that her father was having health problems and said that i should not tell anyone about it etc and that she was not even meant to know about it. After texting her back to say "How serious is it / is he ok etc" she didn't return my text back for 3 frigging days!!! Then she texted me back not even answering my previous question saying "ok yep sure" and i am going to go into a busy period of work soon and don't take it the wrong way if i don't contact you for a month"" WTF!!!! She tells me her father may be dying then does this whole im too busy to even txt me for a month or so! i feel like a piece of crap. I cant believe this is the same person i asked to marry not even 6 months ago.
It really hurts me and i dont deserve this.

Why do you contact? All this does is prolong your stay in limbo.

I see she went out with all my friends wifes etc on a girls night out bday last week but yeah shes too busy to txt me how her father is doing after saying he might be dying. I am actually starting to hate her for all she is worth. She has done nothing but treat me like **** after she left me and so sick of it!

Yep, but you still stay in contact

Its been almost 2.5 weeks since that lame hurtful text and i wish it had been 2 years the way i feel.


i have not been pursuing her in any way in the last month. I think ive only had 10 conversations with her since she left me 5 months ago and not many texts either.


You can't stop contact you'll stay where you are

She also is saying that she is going to events on facebook that i already said i was going to , for eg a friends rock concert coming up. I posted that i was going some time ago and now i see she is interested in going too now. Does it get to a stage where i can just tell her i don't want her around do not want to see her etc???

You should have blocked her. What's this getting you?

Another note the Other Woman i was seeing a while back has moved on and seeing someone else now which is good as she was getting too attached to fast, i told her that i am in no place for a relationship so back to working on myself now. It still hurts so much thinking about my wife i wished it could have worked out. I feel like i have seen a side to her i do not like much at all after she took off.


When does all of this get better i do not know. I keep saying i will be ok in a year but i don't really know.??

When you cut her off completely


What are everyones thoughts on why my wife is turning nasty almost playing games and will this hate i have for her be replaced with love and acceptance of her decision to leave me.


I feel like i am the one who is being wronged here and i don't deserve it im so sick of it and even though i do not contact her anymore i still feel like i have been wronged and i wish untoward thoughts for her. sucks i know but thats where im at.


Cheers everyone.
At this time the only one keeping you where you are is you
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Old 21st February 2018, 9:59 AM   #45
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Hi Aussie, you are giving her too much head space. Just ignore her completely. Do NOT respond to any of her texts. In fact if you can,, change your phone number and give it out to only your close trusted friends on the condition that they do not give it to their wives who are friends with her. Try and avoid Facebook. Do not look at her posts and close your own account so that she remains clueless about what you plan to do. Just avoid her like the plague in every respect. Keep meeting up with ladies on a casual basis. This should just be social and no romanticism and sex at this time. Meeting ladies on a social basis will help keep your mind off your wife/ ex wife. Have you taken up some fulfilling hobby which engages you fully? I guess the summer in Australia will be over soon so you could go boating or join an Australian rules football club. The season should be starting soon. If you are into mobikes or cars you could involve yourself in something like that. The idea is to occupy yourself with things which will force you to keep your wife's memory out of your head. Warm wishes.
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