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First Step


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After 11 years of marriage my wife and I have grown so far apart that it's only a matter of time. I'm ready to get on with my life but don't know how or have the courage to take that first step.

 

Would moving in to my detached mancave and stop contributing to the joint account be a good way to get things going?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I think a conversation is probably the best way to get things going.

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Brother it is that easy, please don't be a puss.

 

If you are done then have the balls to tell her and talk to her. Let her know that you are done and you want out.

 

Also, unless you are just venting, it would help us if we understood what is going on in the marriage and with you. That way, it would be easier for us to give an opinion.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Ah I wish it were that easy.

 

Nobody said ending a marriage was supposed to be easy.

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I don't think cutting her off financially is the answer just yet. I watched a great video on how to tell your partner you want a divorce. The therapist suggested a blunt but non-accusatory tone. For instance, you sit the person down and say,"I feel that we are not happy and we should divorce. I don't feel the marriage is salvageable at this point. I don't want to place blame or argue. I want to give you time to think through what I have said, so I am going to leave for a few hours. When I get back, I hope we can talk. I don't want to fight in court and hope we can come to civil agreements. This doesn't place blame or put the other person on the defensive so much. Then leave. When you return, hopefully you can have the discussion and answer questions. Stick with, "I Feel" statements.

Then tell her that you plan to move to your mancave to give both of you time to adjust to the new norm and hope that you can both remain civil and work through what comes next. Then you have to mean it, file with the courts, have her served and separate accounts at that point. Hopefully you will come to an agreement financially how to separate.

I have been contemplating for years. Hard to do it. Very hard, but if you are absolutely sure, start researching the steps in your area on how to file, etc. then have the difficult talk in a gentle way, if possible.

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