Where do I go from here....just need some perspective.

[chaos70]

First off, I wanted to say that I've gained much information just reading alot of the threads here. I wanted to get some advice myself in trying to sort through my own confusion and mixed emotions. There is a considerable amount to mention, but I wanted to stay in the present for now.

 

We moved to the west coast to start a new life. In order to do that, she accepted a transfer and moved out first. I stayed back in the south to pad the bank account, get all off the stuff packed, and pay off a chunk of the debts. That took 4 months. My own reasons to move beside to be with my wife was to get away from my job which had left me completely burned out. We both agreed that I would take some time off to heal myself before starting the search. So after selling my own stuff, paying for all the costs to get the remainder of my stuff out there, and sell my own truck, we made it out at the start of the year.

 

I knew it would be tough with her reduced income from my own comfortable one. But when I got out here, I was at a low place. I sent off tons of resumes and got no responses. Combined with having no friends, and even difficult to relate to the difference in attitudes out here, and a significant change in her...I felt so alone. The changes in her were the hardest to deal with. She has a chronic illness that kept her on heavy (hardcore) medication. But she was suddenly off it and seemingly better, but not around me. She wanted to go out all the time, but I was against it because we were already living beyond our means. She made me feel that I was giving her the attention and love I should be. Maybe I should have done more, but we both agreed that we would have to make sacrifices to get the life we wanted.

 

3 months after I had been here, she told me to leave if I hated here so much. She said that I was intentionally sabotaging our lives by not looking for work and staying with the PT job I had so that we would have to move back. I told her exactly my issues and that I was sorry for making her feel that I was neglecting her.

 

Then things went looney from there. She told me she need to go out with coworkers to promote herself at work for drinks. She did invite me, but I felt that we would be spending too much of what little we had. If she had to, then I told her to go ahead and not feel guilty. Then she started staying later and later out. One weekend she called me and said she peed her pants and she through them out and walked to her office downtown bottomless. I came with a clean pair and picked her up without one negative word. The next weekend she went out and she said she was staying out at a coworkers (female) place for the night even though I offered to come get her.

 

I was angry and hurt then, but even looked past it as I bought her flowers thinking that this all was partly my fault for not being able to show her the attention she desired. It happened again, and then I lashed out in anger and frustration at the whole thing. She wanted me out, and that the last 7 years of relationship was bad and we shouldn't even bother trying to fix things. She wouldn't even agree to see a counselor.

 

I won't deny that I've had my fair share of issues, but I left after she didn't. She told me to take her dog, and to leave town to go back home. She didn't know if she would be ready to reconcile for months or even years. All our friends were shocked to say the least and they each told me to stay with them. My sister insists for me to stay with her and borrow whatever money to get me on my feet.

 

I'm still in love with her. I want to work on things to resolve t, but at the same time cannot ignore all the things she has done to me. I'm on limited funds and still want to pursue the career dreams I came out here for....but just can't afford to stay on my own. So I'm staying with the only friend I've made out here renting their basement apartment out, trying to figure out what my own timeline is. All the while still interviewing hoping that I will find the work that would keep me out here.

 

And that has been 30 days ago. I'm heartbroken, I got all my stuff what little is left. All the married stuff we had, I left with her, and I'm waiting on the tags for her car since I sold mine to leave.

 

There is so much more in the past that would like to share because I don't want to paint the picture that I'm totally innocent. But even our closest friends say to come home and don't take her back. Sigh.

[chaos70]

I guess nobody has any feedback?

[Craig]

Chaos, what kind of "hardcore medication" was she on and what kind of illness did she take the meds for?

[chaos70]

methadone for pain management.

lupus.

[chaos70]

I guess I didn't really allude to what I'm trying to understand. I've never been the one to quit on anything, maybe to a fault where once should know when to jump off the sinking ship so to speak.

 

I see what has happened until now as a war of attrition. We both started feeling that the other wasn't meeting a need and rather than creating an environment where we could share those without feeling attacked...we either created a negative situation or held it in/acted out on each other.

 

I'm not really for divorce at all, but I have to wonder even if I'm ready to seek counseling...and she isn't....should I wait for her or terminate the marriage. This past month has been so difficult to manage without her (combined with the stress of job hunting, new surroundings yet again, and very few friends nearby to share my pain). I find myself switching positions on the hour on whether I want to make a supreme effort to reconcile or should I just walk away.

[rue]

hey chaos70

just wanted to offer my support. I know it is very difficult for you right know but take time for yourself, you can't control anything your partner does but you can take care of yourself----counseling sounds good---- I have never regreted going. Be good to yourself, you deserve it.

[westernxer]

Relocating without any leads is a risk indeed...

 

It'll be a miracle if your marriage survives the stress this has created, but it's not impossible. What type of work are you looking for?

[Israfil]

From what I know about methadone, its primary application is in heroine addicts. Is she a recovering heroine addict?

 

In response your questions, I really think you should give it some time before you make any decisions. It is obvious that you are not of one mind yet. And it might be beneficial for reconciliation for you to both have some space.

 

I feel for ya, I really do. You have friends here, on this forum. Vent away.

[westernxer]

She suffers from lupus, and from not having any money.

[dgiirl]

Originally posted by Israfil

In response your questions, I really think you should give it some time before you make any decisions. It is obvious that you are not of one mind yet. And it might be beneficial for reconciliation for you to both have some space.

 

I also agree with this advice. Everything's still so fresh and you're probably going through an emotional roller coaster. My only advice would to find a lawyer and a therapist.

 

For the lawyer, dont initiate the divorce just yet, but at least find out your legal rights. You can see a lawyer for an initial consultation. If she's the only one working, then you might be entitled to alimony. You're also entitled to half the assets and stuff. You need to know your legal rights before you start agreeing things with your wife, and if she's really adamant about the divorce, you want to be prepared.

 

The therapist can help you with your feelings. She might even give you some insight into your wife's actions, and help you figure out a way to reconcile or to move forward. They might also be able to help you figure out if you really want to stay in the city or leave, and offer you suggestions on how to accomplish it.

 

The only thing that I've learned so far, you cant force someone to stay with you. You have to respect their decision. If you think there's a way to talk with your wife and figure out how to fix the problems then by all means continue talking. If her reasons for leaving is something that you've done, and it's something you can fix, then seek help to fix it. But do not beg, plead, guilt her into staying. It'll only push her further away. If your talks are productive, then continue with it. You can find plenty of divorce/seperation self help books. I'd start with those. It'll atleast give you some peace of mind that you're not crazy.

[chaos70]

Thanks guys for the pep talk.

Methadone can be used to act as a pain management substitute for heroin, though she wasn't on H. It was prescribed to manage all the chronic pain she was in. She managed to ween herself off it recent by reducing the dosage to the point where she was able to quit it, but did go through the withdraw effect which I helped her through.

 

If anyone knows of a company looking for a database marketing guy, let me know. Though at this point, I'm probably give it up in order to find quick work. I can't work PT/go on interviews and be able to support myself with bills coming and the cost of pending divorce. My kid sister has offered to come take me back to Atlanta to stay with her. But the part of me that came to Seattle for my own career dreams wants to give it a bit more time so that I wouldn't leave regretting not giving it the 110% effort to pursue it. I figure I can go one more month before I can say I gave it my shot. The problem being though that this all has evaporated my self-confidence.

 

It just seems that we had so many obstacles to overcome to even get here only to see it fall apart like this:

- Mixed culture marriages (actually two different ones in the same day)

- My family not really accepting her

- Her parent's divorce

- Her own search for who she was...and back to that one again in present day

- My issues with my parents and the lack of emotional support I got from them.

- Medical bills

 

It had just seem we got past all that just to be told "I don't think it will work out between us." I even told her that I felt used. She used my strength, finances, and support to make it out here...and she cut me loose when she was able to stand on her own two feet...leaving me at the time where I need the support the most. I think I realized it was all crazy when she even told me to take the dog, who she loved and adored like a baby but left me to care for it all the time.

 

My friends are all shellshocked to say the least, some have even mentioned coming up here and give her a good talking to...but I think at this point...what's the point? If her best friend tells me I should come home to stay with her and her husband and to not take her back ever...I need to face the facts. Part of me wants to give in to the anger I have (not abusively) but all I feel is sorry for her. I feel I should be after giving up a great job (which I can't get back at fulltime now), everything we had, and moving clear across the country to be shoved out after 3 months of looking for that dream job as she promised. But in the end, I realize that was yet another commitment she broke to me...time and time again...and I can only blame lupus so much.

 

For me, I'm see alimony as something that would drag on this pain even longer than I could bear. Maybe me asking for the divorce so soon after all this is a mistake and I should wait longer to see how this goes. But that lies the eternal questions I've been asking myself. Could I forgive her after being turned away in my own time of need...when I need support that few have ever given me? To me that is a deep seated thing considering my parents never did. They wrote a check for me to go to school. I see that in some of my past relationships as well. I've tried to maintain composure throughout this, but it just seems that either I'm setting myself for future heartache.

 

But you all are right, it's time I started to look out for #1...my beagle...and then me. Never been a dog person, but this dog has shown me unconditional love regardless of anything...and W admits that the dog loves me more than her. I guess I should hold on to her at all costs...as dirt poor as I am now.

[chaos70]

Alright after much reading, and must thinking...I'm faced with really two choices.

 

After the time period of our "trial seperation" in August, do I want to salvage the marriage or end it. And seem to flipflop back and forth on it. So I guess I'll have some sort of epiphany where I will know what it will be. Unfortunately, I need to figure out what the status is on our car (hers) in order for me to move. Kinda of wish now I didn't sell my Rodeo. I'm beginning to wonder as if this "tag" situation is her trying to control me (or punish me) or is if there is really such an impossibility of getting the title information from her credit card company in order to get the tags done. I'm also thinking that the MIL is somehow a factor in this (since it is under her name).

 

*laughs* A piece of me wants to leave the damn car behind for her to take care of and me just renting car to drive back.

 

I'd like to hear both sides of the coin though...those who did do the seperation thing and decided to patch their marriage...and those who opted to end it. I guess the one thing I've noticed here (could be wrong) is more of a tendency to say "leave that person". For me, I've always considered marriage as a long term commitment and I think that's what is tripping me up.

[Ladyjane14]

The recurrent theme in your decision-making process seems to be in the logistics of separation.....who has what car to drive?, how to make the rent?, how to pay for the move if you go back to Atlanta?.... You know, financial stuff like that.

 

Maybe you're better off putting these matters aside for awhile.

 

These are small-picture items when compared to the BIG PICTURE. Practical.....you betcha. But small potatoes nonetheless when you speak in terms of the investment of time.

 

I've been married for over 20 years. And buddy....does it ever go by FAST!!!

 

Even marital relationships that are loving and fulfilling for the most part, have their rocky moments. These are surmountable. You may have just hit a rough patch....or, it may be that your relationship was a mismatch from the very beginning. You and your wife are the best and ONLY judges of that.

 

But if your decisions are hinged in practicalities, you are wasting your God-given time. It's not what love is about. True love is more to do with your feelings for your mate. You could be "birds of the field", and not know where your next meal was coming from. But still you would stay together....because you are family.

 

I've been through good times and bad in my marriage. And yes, I've thought about leaving from time to time. But in the end, leaving my husband would've been like abandoning one of my kids in the grocery store.....inconceivable. He's my family.

 

Is your wife your family? THAT's the BIG PICTURE.

 

It's okay to say "no" if your feelings aren't really there. It saves time for both of you....and time is PRECIOUS.

 

But if she's in your heart, and she's your family through thick and thin....get in the game, and fight for your marriage.

 

It's all simple, when you remove the clutter.

[chaos70]

Good points mentioned. Thanks for the words.

 

I guess I need to play the waiting game at this point and see if she changes her mind come August or sooner. She knows that I want to work it out. If by then if things haven't changed, I can say I did all that I can and I need to move on with my life.

[dgiirl]

Originally posted by Ladyjane14

I've been through good times and bad in my marriage. And yes, I've thought about leaving from time to time. But in the end, leaving my husband would've been like abandoning one of my kids in the grocery store.....inconceivable. He's my family.

 

Is your wife your family? THAT's the BIG PICTURE.

 

Unfortunately, I believe it is his wife who's opting for the divorce. He's just trying to prepare himself for the outcome. This is all good if there's something that you can do to "fight" for your marriage. But when the wayward spouse leaves, and you've said/done everything you possibly can, I dont think there's much else you can do. (If there is, I'm definitely open to suggestions). You can wait. But that doesnt heal you, and causes a LOT of pain. I do recommend not making any plans until you're emotions are more stable, but do be prepared.

 

When my stbxh left in Feb, everyone started to panic. My parents were ready to move me out of the house, my stbxh wanted things settled right then and there. It was insane. Once I saw the lawyer, and found out he cant kick me out of the house, there's NO NEED for me to move anytime soon, things calmed down. I definitely have a better perspective on what's happening than I did in Feb. You do NOT want to make any decisions during that insane time. I felt I was in panic, fighting for my life, and I'm glad I didnt do anything, because I wouldnt have been able to think rationally.

 

Be prepared, heal yourself, and pray.

[chaos70]

Well, I think I gained a bit more perspective as to whys.

I had to call W yesterday to see if any mail had arrived (I have a couple of freelance checks coming). Also checked to see what the status of tags were. Found out she is going back to Atlanta for a weekend to spend with her mom.

 

She seems to think me looking for work in Atlanta would mean staying with my sister (sans rent) and working...which is better to her than me paying rent and staying here looking for work/working PT. She has never had a situation where she had so much responsibility resting on her shoulders, and I think she thought that I would find work immediately here and she wouldn't have to bear that load. She has never had to due to her constant running back to her parents for $ or other help. And I've always had the secure job while we dated/got married. Even when she initially moved out here, she had my income to supplement hers. And she is now panicking as to how to manage her income (which isn't what I was bringing in, but certainly managable with diligence) and she is unwillingly to compromise or make sacrifices. She hasn't cancelled the internet even though she doesn't use it, she opted to go buy summer clothes even though I know she has a whole wardrobe packed in boxes. She wants the sweet life but isn't quite sure how/if she can make the sacrifices to "fabulous" living. I think the term is "princess" syndrome. I think it really it was a result of her parent's divorce and how she managed to get everything as a result. Her brother actually spun completely out of control and is in a nightmare of a situation now.

 

The whole thing now to me is quite clear, and I couldn't see it because I was blaming myself. She knows I can make the sacrifices and she never realized what a burden it was to bear walking in my shoes for all those years until now. And she is trying to push me away because she doesn't think she is capable of stepping up to responsibility, maybe because she knows I can stand on my own two feet. Which explains why I have the dog because she saw that I actually walked her around to a huge expanse of grass while she opted to go to this small patch of grass behind the building which the dog hated going to. She wants to do the right thing, but something in her head prevents her from doing it. And now she sees herself for what she feared, and she isn't quite sure what to do because she isn't sure she could change. And it was my belief/strength in her that prompted her to see what good she is capable of, and with me battling my own demons since it's been so difficult to find full time work/lack of people out here to relate to/and recovering from burnout...she thinks she doesn't have that strength to help me. And she feels now that she has not been supportive in helping me heal myself and she realized it. Which explains why she calls only to seek help from me in things like where is the iron, how do you do this in Excel, etc.

 

She makes enough to take care of herself, and she needs to realize what it means to be an adult...a wife...and a friend. I'm able to forgive myself for my parts in this; and it seems to have revitalized me. I'm still not bitter toward her, but more feel really sorry for her. I think when I land a job, I shall see a "change in heart" from her if my hunches are correct (I really hope not as well). I think if she waits until that long, it will confirm my hunches now, which will suck. I haven't stop believing that she has a good heart and wants to do the right thing. But that would change if that scenerio occurs.

 

Well this morning I woke up with a different problem, but yet I internally feel good. But I think everyone is right, I need to help myself (and I thank each and everyone one of you who has commented) and my sick doggy (the beagle has some bad allergies). This is good, because I see it now as me against the world. And if my own history serves right when I have been in this modis, I will make it.

 

But if anyone has any marketing (direct or database) leads, help a brother out.

[chaos70]

Alright, my own update.

I've retained a legal service to decide how to seperate the debts we have. In simple terms, I don't want MIL to get screwed even though I dislike her...and it is under her name. Part of that is how the car will be decided. Since it is her car, and not in my name...it makes for a sticky situation. I technically don't need it since I could rent a car to get back to the South and then make due.

 

I decided that the best thing is to stick to who I am. And that would mean to try to see if reconcilitation or MC is possible. If she is against it, then I did all that I can to make the effort to save the marriage. And that's all I can do. No need in me trying when I'm not wanted, and if this opportunity pans out back home...I don't want her to be able to stake any claim to the dough I'd be making.

 

It's tough. To be still wanting to work things out, but on the flipside so angry at all the pain she has caused me. Part of me wants her to feel just a fraction of the emotional grief I feel, but I think...what would be the point? I also got the same answer from the IC I did.

 

The toughest part is dealing with the anger. I've started to lift weights in order to deal with it. I feel so betrayed for leaving everything I had back home only to come here and have her kick me to curb with no money and no steady work. What happened to "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer...etc". I guess those words have no real meaning to her now. Part of me wants to take her to the cleaners, but for me, that would drag out my association with her much longer and I learned that revenge isn't something I'm capable of. It's also funny that she claims she can't afford the car when I know she can, and opts to go out all the time instead. But I

 

The other part that gets me down is the fact that I've always been goal-oriented; however, this shook all the goals I had apart. And now everything seems so chaotic and with money being ubertight...just another stress load. I've been dealing with it through music. I find myself listening to Ludacris - #1 spot on repeat in order to summon the strength and confidence I need to land that job. I know I can make an impact, and others echo it as well...so damned me for not believing in myself.

[dgiirl]

Originally posted by chaos70

I decided that the best thing is to stick to who I am. And that would mean to try to see if reconcilitation or MC is possible. If she is against it, then I did all that I can to make the effort to save the marriage. And that's all I can do. No need in me trying when I'm not wanted, and if this opportunity pans out back home...I don't want her to be able to stake any claim to the dough I'd be making.

 

In honesty, there's not much else you can do. If a wayward spouse is determined to leave, you cant really force them to stay. The only thing you can do is to tell them the things you're willing to work on to save the marriage.

 

The toughest part is dealing with the anger. I've started to lift weights in order to deal with it. I feel so betrayed for leaving everything I had back home only to come here and have her kick me to curb with no money and no steady work. What happened to "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer...etc". I guess those words have no real meaning to her now. Part of me wants to take her to the cleaners, but for me, that would

 

There's no doubt about it, it's a betrayal. If they wont go to MC, or give you a chance to fix your problems, and make this decision on their own, it's a betrayal. Just try and not let the anger get the best of you. Being angry is natural. Just dont let it make you bitter.

 

drag out my association with her much longer and I learned that revenge isn't something I'm capable of. It's also funny that she claims she can't afford the car when I know she can, and opts to go out all the time instead. But I

 

Revenge wont take the pain away. And the only one who wins is the lawyers. Try and do this as amicable as possible so that in a year or two years from now you can be proud of the way you handled the situation. Plus, revenge will only emphasis to her the reasons why she's leaving. Why give her any reasons to feel good about her decision?

 

 

The other part that gets me down is the fact that I've always been goal-oriented; however, this shook all the goals I had apart. And now everything seems so chaotic and with money being ubertight...just another stress load. I've been dealing with it through music. I find myself listening to Ludacris - #1 spot on repeat in order to summon the strength and confidence I need to land that job. I know I can make an impact, and others echo it as well...so damned me for not believing in myself.

 

You need to look at this as an opportunity to remake your life. In time, you might see things you always wanted to do but couldnt because you were with her. I'm taking this time to move back home, be closer with my friends and start a new life. It's exciting! I try to focus on that.

 

Good luck and keep doing the things your doing. You will get through it, and learn a lot about your own strength and the conviction you have to marriage.

[chaos70]

Why does it seem that I'm the only one commenting on myself....

 

I finally got the reason for her decision to end marriage: We had started dating when she was young and she wants to know who she is, thinking she has missed out on something or maybe married me for the wrong reasons.

 

For me, that allows me to get the closure I need to move on. I can confirm my own beliefs that she is missing out on 7 years of relationship and love (2 years of marriage) in order to sow her oats or whatever. And I know if the shoes were on the other foot, she would be out for blood (aka lawyering up to take me to cleaners). Whether a "bird" has been talking to her to influence her decisions or suddenly she just decided this, I know I have done very little to deserve this and now how I handle it is a measure of who I am.

 

She also told me she is planning to attend a surprise birthday party back in Atlanta when I will be back as well. She asked it would be problem with me. And honestly, I see no problem now...but won't mean that our friends are going to feel the same. They are already cursing her for her selfishness and I've actually had to tell them to temper it a tad. Hell, when one of my friends heard they nearly flew up just to confront her on her own stupidity and how she would give her arm to be with a man as good as me.

 

I have made my mistakes but when it comes to our vows we took, it still applied. She opted instead to be a fairweather wife and only be there when the times were good and bail at the first sign at my issues rather than help me. I finally can feel like I can move on knowing this.

[chaos70]

Well, I bid Seattle farewell after this weekend. I have just enough money to cover gas and some burgers along the 4 day trip. Atlanta is a long ways away...but I think it will be fun as well.

 

I have realized one thing. I'm too nice. I should be taking her to the cleaners...but it wouldn't be her, it would unfortunately be my MIL who had faith in us by putting a loan in her name for her car and our debts. And why I'm in my rights to leave the car with the stxw to figure out what to do with since she is the secondary owner, I have decided to purchase the car (somehow) and put it in my name so MIL isn't stuck with a payment she can't make thus ruining her credit. And the sick dog who she bought without my consent...I'm taking because I know she wouldn't take care of her. I would sacrifice my own health before I see that dog suffer needlessly and I don't even like dogs. And wife is shaking me down for half of the cell phone plan money (but is enjoying herself at a bar right now).

 

I've learned a couple of things out of my failed marriage:

 

- don't marry an immature woman.

- don't leave a great job, home, and life because your SO is saying you don't love her because you want to ensure that all the debts are paid first before her "needs" aren't being met.

- if your SO wants you to change but she won't...bad things are going to happen.

- I can live on a month of just hotdogs and mac/cheese ($23.00).

- don't expect me to move again unless _I_ want to. I'll be damned if I move my stuff anywhere else if I get this job.

 

At this point, I know that nothing she says months from now would make any change in my conviction. She is a horribly selfish person, and doesn't know what love means...especially when a man would sacrifice his own career and selfworth for hers. And when she complains about not having any money but refuses to eat at home/go out to eat everyday...she is just asking for trouble. I hate to even say it, but I do hope that she fails horribly and has to go back to her parents to get her home, or realizes that she kicked the one man who believed in her to the curb and comes running back. I wouldn't take her back even if she was the last person on earth at this point. And when her illness goes out of remission, I'm not going to be there either. I'll feel bad for her, but I will not continue to give support and not receive anything in return no more.

 

So it's going to be scary and I do feel so alone, but I will survive. Even if I am only motivated by proving her own lies and accusations wrong, it is motivation used constructively to further better myself. And maybe I will find a woman that actually cares about being there for me, support me when I need it and not ridicule me, take acts of love like poems and flowers without suspecting some ulterior motive behind them, and actually forgive any mistakes I do make and leave them in the past.

 

Warm South, family, friends...here I come. Cross your fingers that I make it there in one piece.

[chaos70]

I come to realization that either my wife is an retard or needs help (maybe both). She called today and said that she will get evicted if she doesn't pay rent today. She is short $500. I have that, but keeping it in order to move back to Atlanta should the company I interviewed with doesn't pan out tomorrow. She needs the money by midnight tonight.

 

She gave me some sob story as to her company being bought out and what not, and I told her to pawn the stuff I left behind...big TV, electronics, even the engagement ring, etc. She apparently doesn't think it would cover the amount. The funny thing is she certainly had some money, but I guess partying all weekend and buying pot was more of a priority. Thankfully she doesn't have access to my current finances...though I have yet to get all the divorce paper through because she has yet to give me any information on the car.

 

I feel bad for her...yet I seem to relish that she is suffering. I warned her that this would be the outcome of her ways...and I seem to be able to make due just on a PT job making my own rent for my place and subsquent bills. Sure I've lived on hotdogs and mac/cheese for the last month...but I have a roof over my head.

 

Even though I love/loved her, I know now that she loved me because I was the daddy figure. I could take care of all the bills and she worked to spend her money. I bailed her out of trouble, she creates trouble. My guess is that her own dad doesn't have the money to cover her as he did in the past...and neither does mom since she hasn't been paid for the car that it is in her name. That was a shocker to me since I know with her income though less than what I was making in Atlanta...I have made it work...and had money left over to do the social things she desired. She talked the good talk about making sacrifices when moving to Seattle...but she did not do a damn sacrifice. She claims she needed more clothes for summer...I found a box of summer clothes I packed up to ship out here when I got all my things.

 

At this point, I'm worried that her mistakes while legally still married to her are going to impact me. And on the other hand, I want to help her...but angry that she created this whole situation. She blames the "situation".

[Sal Paradise]

Whatever you do....DON'T HELP HER.....

 

She doesn't deserve it and you can't afford to. Next time she calls whining just hang up on her. Tell her she should of thought of all that before she caused this mess.

 

I think she got exactly what she deserves.

[chaos70]

The only sad part is now that I AM staying in Seattle, it would be nice to get the extra stuff before it gets dumped on the streets. But I agree now, she reaps what she sowed.

[amu2005]

Stick to your guns on this one. I know it is hard, but right now all you have to do is think about yourself. She brought this upon herself and will have to find a way out of it herself.

 

My counselor summed it up best when she said my husband creates drama b/c he needs to live in chaos! How true it was. He was always creating something out of nothing. I think he has ADHD, always has to be doing something. Balls to the walls he calls it. And I am the complete opposite. So if I wasn't going along with his plan he would be angry with me. Somehow always manage to turn things around on me. Something I could never see before, but now I am able to see thing much more clear.

 

Your wife has caused all this drama and now wants you to bail her out. I know you are concerned about your financial name status. After all you are still married to her. Through my process, my soon to be ex husband and I had paperwork drawn up saying our debt was our own and neither of us would be held responsible for the other person. Maybe you should look into something like that.

 

Best of luck

[chaos70]

Well, I learned a valuable lesson last night. NC is the best policy.

I'll leave it that.