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Struggling, maintaining no contact but she contacts me.

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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:31 AM   #1
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Struggling, maintaining no contact but she contacts me.

Hey all,
So I posted here a few weeks ago about my situation and got some good advice albeit a bit mixed.
I recently split from my wife. She wanted a separation to see where things lead her. I told her last week that if she slept with anyone while we were apart that it was over. She didn't like that at all and said she was out. It was he first time I set a boundary in our relationship and she couldn't deal.
So after that some days past. Contact was minimal. More about the house than anything. Then on sat last weekend she asks me how I'm doin. I say I'm good. Went for a long run. Getting haircut etc.

I then asked her how she was and said feeling low due to a hangover. I ended the conversation by saying well booze and blues don't mix. And that was it. All over text message btw.
Sunday she went to NYC. So I didn't hear from her till she got back saying she needed to go into the house to get some clothes and work from home for a bit. I was fine with that as I was at work anyway.
Then Wednesday comes. She texts me worried about bills and money. I reply saying it's fine etc.
We share 2 credit cards so I suggested paying them down and getting rid of them. Then she texts me saying "ok. Are you ok today? What's going on??"
Again she's asking me how I'm doing. She knows how I'm doing. It's been a week.
I guess me wanting to sever the credit cards showed her I wanted further detachment.
So I call her. I say look you gotta stop asking me how I'm doing. I need space and to work on me. When she texts me it brings me back in and it's hard. I was very fair and sincere on the phone. She says ok and the call ended.

Then not more than 30secs later she calls back and was not so understanding. More irratic saying well if you don't want to talk to me or converse we may as well change out relationship status on Facebook and everything else cause it feels fake and it makes her uncomfortable.
I say she's over reacting and needs to calm down. She's like well you don't want to talk to me. I say I want to talk to her everyda. To be with her everyday. To hold her everyday. But I can't do that right now so I need space or I'm gonna go crazy.
I calm her down and she agrees to let things be. I felt I empowered as I stood up for myself and got a reaction but also my friend said I got a bit of hope as she seems lost and doesn't know what she wants. That if she really wanted out she would have deleted all the Facebook stuff already.
I'm not getting sucked into the hopes of her coming back though as I can't allow myself to be hurt again.
Later that evening she texts me to tell me that she accidentally unfollowed me on Instagram to stop seeing my videos. So she broke the nc rule.
Nothing since then today is Friday. I'm glad she's seems to be respecting the nc request but how long will it last and it's also very hard but I know it's in my best interests.

Last edited by Monty82; 22nd September 2017 at 7:35 AM..
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Old 22nd September 2017, 12:31 PM   #2
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I have some bad news for you, you can't go fully NC until the divorce is final. You have to cooperate to some extent to untangle your marriage. You should no longer be connected on social media.

I'd cancel the joint credit cards immediately. Get all of her stuff out ASAP.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 1:26 PM   #3
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Her reaction to you setting boundaries suggest another man is involved. Since it's not likely she will be honest about it, if I were you I would proceed as if this is the end. That means eliminate all contact that isn't logistics. Don't allow yourself to become her emotional safety net.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 1:47 PM   #4
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If she needed time to think sleeping with someone else wouldn't even be in the picture or the realm of thought. She would have said no I have not plans of sleeping with anyone else and calmly reassured you. She didn't do that. She showed her hand when she freaked out. I wouldn't wait. I would file and wish her a good life. She is only freaking out now because she is loosing control.

I would tell her people that want space and wont agree to staying faithful are people that want to explore another relationship with someone else. Those kind of people are not married. If she wants to stay married she needs to come home now and prove she has been faithful or she can move on with her life. This offer would expire in the next ten minutes.

Don't waste another second of your life on someone that is selfish.

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Old 23rd September 2017, 1:07 AM   #5
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Do you know what NC means? I mean seriously do you know how to do it? There is a guide on these forums. For someone who is supposedly in NC, you are certainly having a lot of CONTACT with her. Text exchanges, calls, social media, etc etc. What are you playing at? Why are you doing all this?
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
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Old 23rd September 2017, 2:21 PM   #6
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More irratic saying.... "well if you don't want to talk to me or converse we may as well change out relationship status on Facebook and everything else cause it feels fake and it makes her uncomfortable."

What was that a threat? If you don't play nice (by her rules) then she is going to take her FB Status and leave the sandbox? Fake and uncomfortable to "FB Friends"? Pathetic.

I swear social media is going to be the downfall of Western Civilization.

Take Care of yourself.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 2:49 PM   #7
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There is nothing "no contact" about what you guys are doing. So don't expect any results. Just lay low and get the divorce finalized by fully cooperating. Then you can go no contact unless you have kids and even with kids, you can have it court mandated to keep it to only texting or email about kid stuff.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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