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Hurting So Bad...Husband wants to separate

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Old 26th April 2017, 8:11 PM   #91
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I know! There's a high chance he's out with that girl tonight, and I really don't even care. What makes me angry is that I think that he lied about going into work because he was going out with her, and he could have at least seen the kids earlier in the day. I just got pissed and sent a text earlier like I don't care, but our kids deserve better. Of course he gets all passive aggressive. It's like just be honest! Stop with the BS.
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Old 14th May 2017, 8:18 PM   #92
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Originally Posted by LancasterAmos1966 View Post
My wife walked out after 20+ years of marriage. Left me and my 6 kids. She wanted to do the holiday meals and have fun times at her apartment --- I said No Way will I pretend everything is fine at your apartment.

So your husband is just acting normal. If you pretend nothing is wrong, it helps him move on into his new life. His selfishness is very strong right now so he must keep moving in the direction he wants.

---- Yes he has hurt you --- but PLEASE don't let him hurt you any more. In other words, instead of falling apart letting your mind play tricks on you, become determined to live a new life without him. Right now, you don't know how you can. But believe me, I made it with 6 kids and working a full time job, so you will need to lean on family, friends, neighbors to help you out.

---- You must grieve the loss of your beloved groom --- this is like a death, so google the 5 stages of grief --- Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and then Acceptance.

---- You can't lean on him any longer, and you must not allow him to lean on you. That's not easy to figure out how to do since you've been with him for a long time. Allow yourself to make mistakes as you learn how to live without him (like what happened the other day) and work on doing better tomorrow. No biggie if you "mess up" --- You are not an expert on relationship losses so please give yourself some slack!!

---- Don't hold those tears in. If you need to cry at Walmart, do it. If you need to cry driving down the road, pull over and let 'er rip. Tears are a good emotional release, so don't act like you must be tough and never cry. And don't worry if your kids see you cry. Nothing wrong with them seeing mommy is hurting. This can be a time of special bonding. Life is full of different kinds of hurts, and there's no harm in them seeing that life can cause a person to cry. Thank God for tears -- it helps get the pain out of us so we are determined to dry our tears and move forward.

---- Listen to music that helps you. Google breakup songs.

---- Don't rip up pictures, or go around busting stuff when you get angry. Have a friend help you box up some pictures and store them in a safe place. Right now, there will be times when you are angry (look at the 5 stages of grief), and when you are angry, you don't want to destroy stuff that will be important to you and/or your kids later in life. I never thought I'd heal, but it took maybe a good 2 or 3 years until I could actually look at old pictures again. I'm glad that I have some of those old pictures.

Basically, you must KNOW that you can make it without him!!!! You probably lived the first 20 years of your life without him -- so don't let your mind play tricks on you acting like you can't live without him. You've already live a chunk of your life without him, so you can do it again.

He can live without you.

So, show him that you can live without him too!!!

What if he would have died, or went into a coma, or for whatever reason he could not be your companion --- you would go on and live a great life.

But for some reason, when a person cheats on us or leaves us, we fall apart and act like "oh, it would have been so much easier if he/she would have just died." To me, that's silliness. Any loss hurts. The problem is that we don't like being rejected, so our mind plays tricks on us acting like we must lay down and die if we can't have our spouse.

With some hard work and tears, you will make it.

Wow your reply HELPED ME A LOT !!! going through a similar issue as the OP .. Currently pregnant & we have a child together. Wonderful husband of 5 years (together for 10yrs) randomly leaves me & is found to be living with his girlfriend..whom he is still claiming isnt his girlfriend. SMH. I need to print your post out & put it on my wall.
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Old 14th May 2017, 8:37 PM   #93
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I am sorry you are going through this and I feel your pain. My spouse and I have been separated for 8 months after being together for 19 years. It was just one day out of the blue when he told me that he doesn't love me that way anymore. I checked our cell phone bills as well and saw a number he was calling frequently that belonged to a girl he worked with. He keeps telling me that they are just friends but it doesn't seem like it. I have pretty much been in denial I think these past few months.

I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain as I am going through the same.
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Old 19th October 2017, 11:02 PM   #94
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I just wanted to update. Itís been like 6 months since Iíve been on here. Iíve officially moved on. Iíve been happier. I was dating from the dating sites and had fun and met someone who Iím exclusive with who makes me happy. I donít know what the future holds because itís still early, but Iím enjoying it now. Weíre trying to get this divorce moving along. My ex can be a jerk especially since Iím seeing someone else. I just canít wait to get this all resolved eventually.
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Old 20th October 2017, 8:00 AM   #95
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Good to hear that...

Good to hear that...

And whether the new relationship is permanent or not, isn't it nice to be with someone that makes you happy. It does not have to be forever, but it is great if it can be.

Enjoy yourself and enjoy life, it is a great thing.

I am really happy that you have turned the corner, I know it was hard, but isn't it great when you get there???
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Old 25th October 2017, 6:54 PM   #96
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It sure does. Iím so close to this new guy that he hangs out at the house with me and the kids. The ONLY guy Iíve had around my kids, I donít have just anyone around them. Itís nice to not be that same wreck I was 9 months ago.
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