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My husband and I dont enjoy going out togther/Seperation?


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We tried to go out tonight, and it was nice, till the baby threw a tantrum.

 

Then he put his usual sour face and said he lost his appetitte. Neve even touching his food.

 

 

I posted before saying we neverr have a good time anywhere we go.

 

This was my last attempt to try w/my husband.

Do you think it's best if we just seperate?????

 

 

 

 

 

 

I dont want to be with someone who cant find happiness , the only times I seen him HAPPY was when he was drinking.

I cant be walking on eggshells.

I need good advice.

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Would it be possible for you and your husband to get a sitter for your baby while just the 2 of you went out alone?

 

Being parents is hard.. and it's very easy to get caught up in the Little people and take your SO for granted.

 

My advice would be to get a good sitter for your baby, make a plan to go out for a nice dinner together and make a promise to NOT talk about the kids when you go out.

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i want to go to counseling, he wont. You guys are not professional but this is as close to it that I will get for now :)

 

I will search for one and go alone

 

As for a baby sitter, my mom lives two blocks away but I always just feel so gulty goig out without the baby! :rolleyes:

 

It's crazy but, I am sooooo attached to her.

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Originally posted by Rosewilt

i want to go to counseling, he wont. You guys are not professional but this is as close to it that I will get for now :)

 

I will search for one and go alone

 

As for a baby sitter, my mom lives two blocks away but I always just feel so gulty goig out without the baby! :rolleyes:

 

It's crazy but, I am sooooo attached to her.

 

I have 2 little people myself that I'm crazy about.. and believe me when I say I love thier little butts more than anything in this world..

 

HOWEVER

 

Don't lose sight of why she's here to begin with... this is a child your husband and yourself produced TOGETHER.. I will assume out of Love for one another... to be a family TOGETHER.

 

A few hours away once in awhile isn't going to hurt your daughter... Gma's are usually pretty crazy about thier grandchildren.. and for real.. think it's hard now being a parent and finding time.. take my word on it that being a single Mom affords you a lot LESS time with your little people.

 

You and your husband NEED time ALONE to be a couple.

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we sure do need time together.

 

I think we just got so use to this routine, that we dont care(or at least I think he dont) I sure do.

 

Sometimes though, I feel as if I have fallen out of love with him. i know, it;s horrible but wow! I said it to someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you dont think this is reasons to split?

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Originally posted by Rosewilt

we sure do need time together.

 

I think we just got so use to this routine, that we dont care(or at least I think he dont) I sure do.

 

Sometimes though, I feel as if I have fallen out of love with him. i know, it;s horrible but wow! I said it to someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you dont think this is reasons to split?

 

The only people who know for sure if the marriage is worth fighting for is You and your husband.

 

I would recommend still spending some time alone.. really thinking about what it is your looking for.. and evaluating whats happend..

 

If you've never read the book the road less traveled.. I would recommend doing so.

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I'll see if I pick it up Monday. i have to goto the library.

 

Have you been married or in a relationship a long time,? if so then maybe you know how things get "routine"

Like now he's sleeping and I am on line :confused:

 

It's such a hard decision. I just truley wonder if he is happy with me

I do love your advice :)

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Originally posted by Rosewilt

I'll see if I pick it up Monday. i have to goto the library.

 

Have you been married or in a relationship a long time,? if so then maybe you know how things get "routine"

Like now he's sleeping and I am on line :confused:

 

It's such a hard decision. I just truley wonder if he is happy with me

I do love your advice :)

 

Yes I was married to my Little Peoples Dad..

 

Everyones lives/relationships can get routine.. seem mundane and boring.

It is sometimes when a person is the most "Unloveable" that they need it (to be loved) the most.

 

It isn't uncommon for people in long term relationships to begin to take thier partner for granted.. they just assume thier SO will always be there no matter what.. it also isn't uncommon for a lot of problems to arise in a relationship (marriage) after the birth of a baby.. this new little person changes your life in ways you never thought possible.

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Originally posted by Rosewilt

As for a baby sitter, my mom lives two blocks away but I always just feel so gulty goig out without the baby! :rolleyes:

 

It's crazy but, I am sooooo attached to her.

 

Sounds very much like one of the numerous reasons for my marriage falling apart. There were other reasons, big reasons, but this was wone of the most painful for me.

 

Before you had your child, you were most likely all about your husband, correct? And after the baby, you have little time for your husband. Your husband doesn't feel like you are a romantic couple anymore, that you are parents and nothing else. My XW was the same way. I would beg her to let our daughter stay with my X-I-Ls for a night so we could have some time just for us. She didn't want to ask her Mom, her Mom ran a daycare, she shouldn't have to watch kids on her weekends too. And so we never got out alone. Never got time alone. And the romantic connection withers and dies, because the intimacy is gone.

 

I think you really need to get a sitter for a night, and have a night all about you and your husband. Make him feel like you are a romantic couple again.

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Common people, Look at what your saying. Where's the communication? You cant fall out of love if there is good communication. The problem is the world is full of quitters people that have no chance of having a solid marriage. the devorce rate proves that. I see your husbands point you need to separate time with kids and your husband once in a while. Did you ever let him know your feelings and ask him about his ( black and white) no gray area, It looks like you are afraid to voice your true feelings. The quitters in the world always say I am falling out of love. Bingo there's a reason you are giving up on your marriage instead of working on it, you are making excuses I am falling out of love. Try talking, no hinting around worrying about hurt feelings get it out in the open. Try saving your marriage. Trust me the grass is not greener on the other side.

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LucreziaBorgia

If your husband refuses to go to counseling, refuses to communicate with you, and refuses to do anything to hold up his end of the marriage, and refuses to even try to make things better, then the next step would be to focus on you and how willing you are to put in a one sided effort to fix a currently bleak, silent, and loveless marriage. From your other posts, it sounds like your husband has some problems of his own that need to be addressed before you can have a happy and stable marriage with him.

 

From your posts, I have seen that he has both physically and emotionally abused you, lied to you, manipulated you, shut you out, has problems with alcohol, and does not appear to be engaged as a father. In return, you are depressed, angry, frustrated and hopeless - which perpetuates problems.

 

Right now he has no motivation to fix his problems, because apparently this situation is tolerable enough for him to be able to avoid addressing his problems. I do think a separation will work, but it doesn't necessarily have to lead to divorce. If you want to save your marriage, then you will need to force him to face and address the problems he has that are causing you problems, and destroying your marriage. Let him know that you need a separation from him, and that you will not consider reconciliation unless he is in a program showing effort and progress in working on his problems (marriage counseling, or an individual program) - and shows a willingness to work on the marriage. It may be that he simply just wants out but doesn't want to be the one initiating a separation/divorce, so be prepared for the decision he makes to go either way.

 

In the meanwhile, talk to your child's pediatrician about what is going on. Let him/her know that there are stressors in your home (children, even very young ones have very interesting ways with coping with situations around them, and this behavior could be in part because of your child's perceptions of your and your husband's behavior toward each other), talk about your child's diet, anything that can contribute to the child's behavior problems, etc - and find some ways to work with your child's behavior problem rather than against it.

 

From reading your posts, I'd say you are pretty sunk in a depression yourself - dealing with this 'marriage', the problems with your two year old, and the idea of the rest of your life stretching bleakly before you, and you would also benefit from some therapy as well. Let him know that its marriage counseling or separation. If he refuses, then there is little you can do except decide whether or not to stay in this situation or go ahead and start with separation/divorce proceedings.

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your reply was so awakening to me.

 

i do agree with you. I did take the baby to the DOC and told her what was happening. She also said that she sees me and him love each other very much and that we really love the baby- to the point that we spoiled her- but that little problem can be fixed.

 

She said that "the terrible 2's" in some children is just unstoppable. her fits are not really only because of our tension, she suggested going out somewhere and getting a sitter.

 

Yes, I have been so depressed, and stressed. I find at times, I am lost, especially that my place of work closed down.

So, even though I have been so sad inside, I play with her non stop and make her laugh- she is generally very happy- her happiness gives me strength. I dont let her see me sad, i know children scense it though.

 

I told my husband how bored and unhappy I am and he said he'll try to change stuff.

I cant imagine myself with anyone but him, but if things dont progress, then I will need time away from him.

 

I really love talkingto you and all of you who responded

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