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on vacation more than working making planning difficult.

Very little communication except on court days then becomes a doormat.

Aloof and distant.

Isn't aggressive at all.

Doesn't explain things or even give advice really.

I'm getting screwed over pretty bad here. I'm bleeding money everywhere for no reason that I can see except for the doormat part above.

SO far I'm out my life saving, retirement savings, and maxed out CC cards trying tp pay everyone. I've spent 12g's in 5 months and I can't do another month. I'm tapped out. I own nothing, I can't sell anything, I can't borrow and I need to know what happens when I can't pay for everything that's considered non negotiable.

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mystikmind2005

The big mistake most people make about legal matters is thinking it is supposed to be fair and reasonable. You have to put that idea out of your mind straight away if you want to get the best results.

 

You have to accept that certain things are not going to go your way, so you really need to understand where to cut your losses and where to choose your battles.

 

So it is not at all about what is fair, it is about a balancing act, understanding how to move forward with the course of action most likely to bring the best possible result... or another way of putting it which seems more appropriate in your case - the least disastrous result possible! lol

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DivorcedDad123

You need to have a come to Jesus with your lawyer. You're too invested to back off and your lawyer knows this.

Here's the thing. Most lawyers are like this. They live on the money their clients give them. They arent invested in their clients though. They could care less about you. Your job is to control your lawyer and use them for legal matters only. I.e., questions regarding law, filing motions YOU want filed, and protecting you in court when the time comes.

I spent 20k in two years. What's cost so much in 5 months? Is the other side filing motion after motion? Any protection order you had to fight?

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The big mistake most people make about legal matters is thinking it is supposed to be fair and reasonable. You have to put that idea out of your mind straight away if you want to get the best results.

 

You have to accept that certain things are not going to go your way, so you really need to understand where to cut your losses and where to choose your battles.

 

So it is not at all about what is fair, it is about a balancing act, understanding how to move forward with the course of action most likely to bring the best possible result... or another way of putting it which seems more appropriate in your case - the least disastrous result possible! lol

 

All I want is too share the kids 50/50 and she can have everything else. She should come out about 160K ahead but she wants 100% of the kids and me to pay more than my monthly income in support. I think I'm being very fair while she is out for blood and money.

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You need to have a come to Jesus with your lawyer. You're too invested to back off and your lawyer knows this.

Here's the thing. Most lawyers are like this. They live on the money their clients give them. They arent invested in their clients though. They could care less about you. Your job is to control your lawyer and use them for legal matters only. I.e., questions regarding law, filing motions YOU want filed, and protecting you in court when the time comes.

I spent 20k in two years. What's cost so much in 5 months? Is the other side filing motion after motion? Any protection order you had to fight?

 

Basically I caught her cheating (walked in on it) about 4 years ago and after 3 years of trying to do the right by forgiving and forgetting I realized that wasn't gonna happen when I found put she was cheating on me with four other guys at the same time. The day before I asked for a divorce and hired a attorney I got served with a restraining order. Now I'm the one getting treated like I'm guilty and it's cost me 12g's in legal fees just to see my kids for a few hours a week. I had to pay for a GAL and my own attorney as well as 80% of my paycheck to support and still buy everything over. I was walked out with nothing but a change of clothes and a blanket. I slept at the truck stop for a couple weeks so I could shower and eat and still get to work. In order for me to see my kids I gotta have a house and cars and food and clothes and bedding and dishes and furniture and toys everything in a house to make it comfortable for kids. The reason I'm pissy with the attorney is the allegation of abuse is based on a photoshopped text message that happened 5 years ago and I can prove it if I could get the phone back up from my computor my old house but I can't cause the attorney is a lazy and won't do what I ask. Basically a doormat doing the bare minimum. I think I pissed off the attorney or something and now I'm kinda stuck with no money and no way out. I'm just trying to think of something I can do but I'm feeling kinda screwed. If anyone has any ideas that be most helpful.

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I would suggest getting as informed as you possibly can about family law in your state, then use that info to know what your lawyer should be doing and urge him to do it. (But sadly, it is true that many lawyers are worse than useless and will simply bleed you for $$$$$ while just phoning in an imitation of actual advocacy.)

 

Who told you that you must have any kind of elaborate household to be allowed to parent your children? That does not appear to be a correct statement of the law in any of the 50 US states. The correct legal standard is that your children need to be safe, emotionally and physically. As long as you have a blanket for each (or 1 to share), paper plates, a few small toys, a roof over their heads, however modest (like a small RV, tent or a rented room - even in a motel), that should be enough. Or a borrowed space in a house or apartment belonging to a relative or good friend. Even impoverished parents have a constitutional right to exercise their parental role (and it is also the child's right that he/she not be barred from seeing a parent simply due to poverty). Sure, having your kid(s) in a motel room would be a drag, but you can make it fun and just realize it is a short term coping strategy.

 

Why is there a GAL (guardian ad litem, court-appointed representative for the child[ren]) involved? Unless there is a serious issue with either you or your STBXW (such that you together cannot be counted on to advocate or your chuildren), a GAL is not needed and is just an extra expense that a fracturing household cannot afford. Call other attorneys in family practice and ask them frankly what it will take to get the GAL terminated.

 

I understand you are very angry at and very hurt by your STBXW. Bizarrely enough, despite what she's done, you may be better off trying to work with her so the lawyers do not drain you dry. If the two of you could reach agreement on the divorce and the kids, the lawyers will have less leverage.

 

I'd take a look at Suze Orman's books, and also consider whether it may make sense for you to consider bankruptcy at some point.

 

Wishing you the best. Please stay focussed on the kids, they are even more scared and vulnerable than you are and they need you there for them.

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mystikmind2005

another thing that helps me allot is to think about the emotions i experience.

 

Allot of emotions are negative, selfish, destructive. These emotions do not bring any benefit, so you need to work on cutting down how much you entertain these emotions.

 

You don't have to cut these emotions right out, because even negative emotions need to be processed, but the vitally important thing is not to spend too much time there.

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DivorcedDad123

Restraining orders are par for the course in alot of divorce cases. Did you fight it in court first? If so, what was the outcome? This has alot to do with how much money youre spending and what your lawyer is doing.

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I would suggest getting as informed as you possibly can about family law in your state, then use that info to know what your lawyer should be doing and urge him to do it. (But sadly, it is true that many lawyers are worse than useless and will simply bleed you for $$$$$ while just phoning in an imitation of actual advocacy.)

 

Who told you that you must have any kind of elaborate household to be allowed to parent your children? That does not appear to be a correct statement of the law in any of the 50 US states. The correct legal standard is that your children need to be safe, emotionally and physically. As long as you have a blanket for each (or 1 to share), paper plates, a few small toys, a roof over their heads, however modest (like a small RV, tent or a rented room - even in a motel), that should be enough. Or a borrowed space in a house or apartment belonging to a relative or good friend. Even impoverished parents have a constitutional right to exercise their parental role (and it is also the child's right that he/she not be barred from seeing a parent simply due to poverty). Sure, having your kid(s) in a motel room would be a drag, but you can make it fun and just realize it is a short term coping strategy.

 

Why is there a GAL (guardian ad litem, court-appointed representative for the child[ren]) involved? Unless there is a serious issue with either you or your STBXW (such that you together cannot be counted on to advocate or your chuildren), a GAL is not needed and is just an extra expense that a fracturing household cannot afford. Call other attorneys in family practice and ask them frankly what it will take to get the GAL terminated.

 

I understand you are very angry at and very hurt by your STBXW. Bizarrely enough, despite what she's done, you may be better off trying to work with her so the lawyers do not drain you dry. If the two of you could reach agreement on the divorce and the kids, the lawyers will have less leverage.

 

I'd take a look at Suze Orman's books, and also consider whether it may make sense for you to consider bankruptcy at some point.

 

Wishing you the best. Please stay focussed on the kids, they are even more scared and vulnerable than you are and they need you there for them.

 

Ive been trying to get some background info in divorce in my county. It's like some kind of secret or something cause it's a small legal community. A very liberal town. Very.

 

In my county a GAL is required by law anytime children are involved. There's only one for my county and supposedly the judge is to rule however the GAL says too. Every BS allegation the STBXW has devised is so way over the top rediculous and controlling and manipulative I think the GAL is basically on my side however the GAL insisted on full investigations for every allegation and it's costing me time from my kids and money I don't have. I'm not even supposed to on social sites like this tells my attorney to keep the STBXW from making something out of it. I just hope she doesn't see this cause I'll be screwed it'll get used to prove I abuse her by cyber bullying or some other stupid ****.

 

The GAL has hinted around to surprise visits at my place and other follow ups.

That's actually fine with me I really don't have anything to hide however the STBXW lives in our 2500 sq ft house in the rich side of town with doctors and lawyers and the best schools and gated communities and all the things rich people get to enjoy so in my mind the judge is gonna look at the differences and see the kids likelihood to succeed is gonna be with their mother and I won't get any signifigant time. Secondly the mom will get to continue the lie all over this town I'm an abuser and a POS dad that she had to have removed. She makes twice per year I do and 80 percent of my pay goes to her so it's about 70k/year vrs 20k/year. A 2500 sq ft house vrs a single wide trailer no the ghetto? Not a chance in this liberal town.

I've tried working with thier mom 2 years and again a year ago but she says she will only agree to 2 hours every other weekend supervised by her mother and $2000/monthly support. That's actually more than I make. Regardless, the mom is hell bent on getting back at me for whatever she says I did by taking my kids and my money and spreading the lie I'm a POS daddy and abusive husband.

 

Bankruptcy would help get my fair share of kid time nor erase a conviction of abuse.

 

DNA testing isn't a bad idea. Ill look into that.

 

There's been no court dates except for continuances and adendums

For visitation reasons.

 

That's something else I need money for.

 

What happens if I can't pay? Do I lose automatically?

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This sounds way too complicated to resolve on a message board. I appreciate that you've had a bad experience with a lawyer, and I'm sorry to hear that - but it doesn't sound as though you're going to resolve this without legal help.

 

What kind of firm is your current lawyer with? Is it a big firm or a small family one? If you're not happy with your current lawyer, you should check the terms of engagement (and if you haven't received one, which you should have done when you first instructed the lawyer, ask for one). The terms of engagement will tell you how to make a complaint.

 

If the complaint isn't resolved to your satisfaction, then the terms and conditions should outline what your next step is. You would also need to instruct an alternative firm, but be aware you'd need to pay for their time in reading up on and familiarising themselves with your case. Be careful, too, about conveying any "my last attorney was useless" feelings. That would put anybody off taking on your case.

 

Finally, no matter how much you hate your ex - consider the possibility of mediation. If that doesn't appeal, ask your new attorney (if and when you find one) whether they have experience in collaborative practice in family law. You say you want a more aggressive lawyer, but I would say more aggression is the last thing this situation needs. It's not serving anybody's interests other than the lawyers' to have you and your ex at eachother's throats all the time. It certainly isn't good for your kids.

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Bankruptcy would [not] help get my fair share of kid time....

Not directly, or in the short term, true....but it might help you get out from most types of under excessive debt, and possibly rebuild your finances as part of doing your best to take care of your kids. Just one option to consider.

 

.... nor erase a conviction of abuse.

Whaa!!!??? Are you criminally charged, or at risk of being criminally charged? Based on a 5 year old text message only????

 

....she is out for blood and money....Every BS allegation the STBXW has devised is so way over the top rediculous and controlling and manipulative....[she's a slut]...I'll look into [DNA testing]....

One of the best things you can do, or yourself and most importantly for your kids, is to dial back your anger at your STBXW. Living well, and being a great dad to your kids, is truly the best revenge.

 

...the STBXW lives in our 2500 sq ft house in the rich side of town with doctors and lawyers and the best schools and gated communities and all the things rich people get to enjoy so in my mind the judge is gonna look at the differences and see the kids likelihood to succeed is gonna be with their mother and I won't get any signifigant time. Secondly the mom will get to continue the lie all over this town I'm an abuser and a POS dad that she had to have removed. She makes twice per year I do and 80 percent of my pay goes to her so it's about 70k/year vrs 20k/year. A 2500 sq ft house vrs a single wide trailer no the ghetto? Not a chance in this liberal town. ...

Where exactly did you get these ideas? There is something seriously wrong financially if those nu-mbers you quote are correct.

 

....the GAL insisted on full investigations for every allegation and it's costing me time from my kids and money I don't have....

It's really hard to advise you without knowing exactly what these allegations are. OTOH, it would be highly imprudent for you to post specifics here. It just strikes me that you may have some soul-searching to do as to those allegations.

 

Hatred of the STBXW does not serve you at all. Focus on taking the high road and on your kids is what I recommend. The more you fight with your STBXW, the more money the lawyers make. It is not the law that you lose when you run out of money....most states insist that the higher-resource partner pay or a lawyer for the lower-resourced party. What does your lawyer say about this?

 

Again, the constitution protects family associational rights....see Family Relationships :: Fourteenth Amendment--Rights Guaranteed: Privileges and Immunities of Citizenship, Due Process, and Equal Protection :: US Constitution :: US Codes and Statutes :: US Law :: Justia

What does your lawyer say about this?

 

Not a chance [for custody of my kids] in this liberal town. ...
Liberal politics are very much aligned with protecting the fundamental liberty rights of parents. I would suggest you do some soul-searching about your anger towards your fellow townspeople. I hope not everyone is your enemy. Please think of your kids and good luck.
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We have lived together for 15 years and paid cash for most things and only had one CC card so we don't really have a lot of debt. The last I knew it was about 10K but that included a car but not the house. It's been sold already and the monies are sitting in escrow.

 

The temporary restraining order for abuse is indeed is criminal charge yes.

I have to maintain a certain distance from the Ex and Kids and House until she chooses to drop the charge or I get trial to prove my innocence. I'm not guaranteed a attorney in family court like you would be in criminal court.

 

I know I've talked some trash but to be honest I'm mad at the situation she has put me and her kids through and not really her because I personally think there is a mental problem attached to this. I can't prove that so it doesn't matter hpwever I'm extremely defensive yes. I think I have a right to be when its clear she has lied and cheated and I get criminal charges and lose everything including my kids because she has propagated a lie she can't back down from now. Doing other wise would blow up the lie everything it all my fault and she is sweet and innocent.

 

Those numbers aren't exact or anything but they are excellent estimates of the actual numbers. Messed up? Yep. The person that makes the least will always pay support based on the Child support standard form. It's simply the way its calculated. In many cases when a person makes significantly more than the other it creates a real problem that often ends up going through court systems for years because the government is pretty jacked up.

 

This state is a No Fault State so everyone pays their own way unless there is a case of abuse. The Ex's attorney knows this very well I suspect. Now I'm paying based on the abuse charge.

 

I'm not angry the town is liberal nor do I think liberalism is a bad word. Regardless of the political spectrum I think all political parties are correct in many cases but the perspective is what changes. All you need here is $50 to file the claim and to say your scared of another person to get a judge to blindly sign off on it and I get served, kicked out, can't see my kids for months, lived on the streets for two weeks, and now I have to prove my innocence. Guilty until proven innocent is the narritive. Where are the liberal family values there? Sheesh! You don't even have to prove anything, just point your finger! Messed up I know! Interestingly, the city is very very liberal but the rest of the county is republican/conservative farmers haha! makes it real interesting for sure.

 

I wasn't initially looking for specific legal help cause I realize a person can't really do that over a message board such as this but I'd hoped for some kinda advice pertaining to what I can do about an attorney that seems to have little advocacy to me. I can't afford a new one, none around here will take on late cases anyway and I'm out of money to pay the support, legal fee's, court cost's and multiple attorneys. Do I lose automatically cause a person can't pay?

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I wasn't initially looking for specific legal help cause I realize a person can't really do that over a message board such as this but I'd hoped for some kinda advice pertaining to what I can do about an attorney that seems to have little advocacy to me.

 

That's the area I've tried to give you specific advice in. I don't know US law, but I do know about the practice of law generally - and how problems in the client/lawyer relationship should be addressed. I'll try once more to assist, because I do feel for you and the situation you're in. If you prefer to stick with answers (as to why you aren't getting the service you hoped for, and what you can do about it) from people who take a dim view of the legal profession/have had similar experiences then that's up to you.

 

If you don't feel you are getting a proper service, or that some problem has developed because, as you suggested, the attorney is "pissed off" with you, the first course of action is to raise this directly with the attorney - and then, if that produces no fruit, as a concern with the firm to give them an opportunity to look into it and address it. Lawyers shouldn't tune out of cases. If they want to, then they ought to figure out why. It can be down to a number of things.

 

a) they don't click with the client, but aren't prepared to admit that to themselves because they feel it's unprofessional (and admitting it to the client would be inadvisable).

 

b) they feel swamped by a client who bombards them with questions but never seems to listen to any of the answers.

 

c) similar to b - they'll be trying to address one area of the problem, and then the client will switch to another. It's understandable that clients can have short attention spans, particularly as some areas of law are dry, boring and time consuming to explain/understand. But the more the client dots around when the lawyer is trying to explain things to them, the higher the bills are going to be...because the lawyer is trying to address the same things with them over and over again. And they'll charge you for the time it takes them to do that, as they're entitled to do.

 

d) a client having unrealistic demands of the attorney. Attempting to impose deadlines on an attorney who is already dealing with deadlines imposed by the court process is a good way to get that lawyer to resign agency. So is blaming the lawyer for being "terrible" when the reality is that the law just doesn't favour you in a particular situation. I'm not saying you do this, btw...these just happen to be common reasons for the lawyer/client relationship to break down.

 

e) the case having become too complex, difficult or stressful for that particular attorney to handle - so they've started to tune out and wish it would go away. In which case they need to be see what can be done about transferring the case to somebody who can deal with it.

 

f) the attorney having personal problems and not really being fit to handle the case

 

You know there is a problem between you and this attorney, but you don't know what it stems from. That is the point of raising it as a concern via the complaints process. If the firm doesn't think the attorney has been handling your case particularly well, they might adjust your bill without any admission of incompetence (there's a broad grey area of "acceptable practice" that lies between great practice and incompetence). It's best to raise it in a reasonable manner rather than being overly adversarial (eg "my attorney is terrible") - otherwise they'll likely sympathise with the lawyer who has been dealing with you and close ranks. Your terms and conditions (client contract with the firm) should give you guidance as to what to do if you're dissatisfied with the way they handle your complaint or concerns.

 

Good luck.

Edited by Taramere
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Basically I caught her cheating (walked in on it) about 4 years ago and after 3 years of trying to do the right by forgiving and forgetting I realized that wasn't gonna happen when I found put she was cheating on me with four other guys at the same time. The day before I asked for a divorce and hired a attorney I got served with a restraining order. Now I'm the one getting treated like I'm guilty and it's cost me 12g's in legal fees just to see my kids for a few hours a week. I had to pay for a GAL and my own attorney as well as 80% of my paycheck to support and still buy everything over. I was walked out with nothing but a change of clothes and a blanket. I slept at the truck stop for a couple weeks so I could shower and eat and still get to work. In order for me to see my kids I gotta have a house and cars and food and clothes and bedding and dishes and furniture and toys everything in a house to make it comfortable for kids. The reason I'm pissy with the attorney is the allegation of abuse is based on a photoshopped text message that happened 5 years ago and I can prove it if I could get the phone back up from my computor my old house but I can't cause the attorney is a lazy and won't do what I ask. Basically a doormat doing the bare minimum. I think I pissed off the attorney or something and now I'm kinda stuck with no money and no way out. I'm just trying to think of something I can do but I'm feeling kinda screwed. If anyone has any ideas that be most helpful.

 

 

In what state are you? That makes a big difference. Know a lot about this topic. pm me if you want.

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