xyzisnotme Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) Hi, After years and years of living in a loveless sexless marriage I have had enough. I want to get at least a legal separation. But I have problems. 1. I am unemployed AGAIN. Must be a learning disability. Seriously. 2. I have never lived on my own and am clueless on how to rent. 3. I do not have a job and am worried I will lose the next one. 4. I don't want to hurt my teenager but I can't go on feeling disrespected as I have for the past 15 years. 5. I am in my mid 50s so my job search won't be easy. On a better note I do have some money put away. I hope to help my child with her college when that times comes. Should I see a lawyer? The less money spent the better off we will be. Lawyers are blood suckers. 6. My DW is the bread winner and we own a home together. I really need help. Thanks Edited November 23, 2015 by xyzisnotme Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I am in my fifties and moved out a year ago, divorce almost completed. My lawyer charged a flat fee of $2000, which includes going to court if we had to, although we seemed to have agreed and shouldn't have to. They are not all bad, get a referral from someone you know or check online for reviews a d recommendations. You say you have money for college, which is great, but you may have to use some of that to set up your new life and home. Best to find an affordable apartment or rental house until you know what your expenses and income will be once a divorce is done. If you know in your heart that the marriage is over, just get moving on the details. Life is too short. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 First step. Go see a lawyer and get a consultation. This won't be too expensive as you're not doing anything yet. You're just going and getting their advice and they will explain to you the steps of what will need to take place and they'll tell you how much everything will end up costing you. Then add in the cost of getting your own place, rent, food, utilities, bills monthly, and from there, look at what you have and see if it's something you can afford right now. If I were you I'd do everything possible to find some kind of paying job ASAP. Even if you have to take something minimum wage. It's still Income and will be better than nothing. If you do all this and the cost is more then you can afford. Or figure out that you only have 6 months of rent available after the lawyer fees and down payment on a place of your own are done with, then maybe it's a better idea to stick out the marriage for a little longer while you stockpile more money together. The only thing you really need to do is prepare yourself financially. Have you been looking for a job at all? Nothing is going to fall in your lap so don't think that sending out.a couple resumes is actually being practical about finding work. You've never lived on your own and you're 50? You say you have a teenage kid. You must know how to look after yourself and cook/clean etc. Unless your mom and wife have babied you your entire life. That might pose a problem for you if it's the case Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Lawyers are blood suckers. This is, on the whole, not true at all. A lawyer's first responsibility is the welfare of his/her client. That includes keeping their fees to a minimum. Giving the best advice for the client, not for themselves. This is what they study for many years in law school for. Not to learn how to rip people off. Most lawyers hate long, drawn out, acrimonious divorce cases. It is no fun. In fact it is soul destroying. Lawyers like when the other side co-operates and makes sensible and rational choices (even if they disagree with them). A lawyer would much rather have a pleasant and unstressful case than a horrible, soul destroying legal battle. (Barristers, on the other hand.... ) Many lawyers do a free initial consultation. You can go see one, two or three and find one you like. If they pressure you to retain them or pay just say you'll think about it, thanks, goodbye. At each of these consultations you will learn more and more about your situation and pick up more and more advice about how you should be acting, what you should and shouldn't do, and what a likely financial outcome would be. And it's all for nothing. So there's really no reason NOT to do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Hi, After years and years of living in a loveless sexless marriage I have had enough. I want to get at least a legal separation. But I have problems. 1. I am unemployed AGAIN. Must be a learning disability. Seriously. 2. I have never lived on my own and am clueless on how to rent. 3. I do not have a job and am worried I will lose the next one. 4. I don't want to hurt my teenager but I can't go on feeling disrespected as I have for the past 15 years. 5. I am in my mid 50s so my job search won't be easy. On a better note I do have some money put away. I hope to help my child with her college when that times comes. Should I see a lawyer? The less money spent the better off we will be. Lawyers are blood suckers. 6. My DW is the bread winner and we own a home together. I really need help. Thanks A very solid list of all the reasons you can't do what you want. Progress will come when you start thinking of reasons why you can... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Personally, I'd get my ducks in a row (i.e., be able to support/care for myself) before getting a divorce. Having said that, when seeing an attorney, there should be no reason you can't get alimony which will be tied to how long you two have been married. A sell-off of the home should provide you with additional funds to tide you over. Best of luck to you, OP... Link to post Share on other sites
Author xyzisnotme Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 I just wrote about a long reply BUT LOST IT ALL!!! I am so annoyed!!! I'll try again tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xyzisnotme Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 I'm feeling so alone. I wish I didn't lose my long message! I thought I copied it so paste it again. But I guess not. So frustrating! Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 I went to the divorce section on the website for my state. They listed the five issues that must be settled before a divorce can be filed, including division of property, alimony, child support, child custody and visitation. The cake eater and I settled those issues, in my favor I might add, and after typing them up I took them to a family lawyer, oxymoron, and he filed it as our "separation agreement". Remember, any time you argue about this agreement, which is a legal contract, the same way a divorce is a civil suit, you will have to go back to the lawyer, which costs more money, Tho I'm sorry another family will be torn the bright side is that your child will probably be eligible for a low income scholarship. My lawyer charged a reasonable fee and we saved money by arguing in private. Just be sure you get full physical custody and your stbex gets all weekend visitation, ha-ha. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 p.s. I went to divorce court, and what a dismal place that is, alone, he did not attend. Link to post Share on other sites
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