MightyQuinn Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) Dear Deadweight Cheating Lying Manipulative Ex-Husband , It is November 20, 2015. One year ago today, you made a mistake. A crack in your usual facade of "I Know It All" and "My Wife Never Knows Anything". You aggressively accused me of spying on you, then when I said I hadn't (which was true), you didn't argue with me but turned into the kindest, gentlest person, even said you were sorry for accusing me. That's the moment I knew you were hiding something. By this time in our marriage, you never took my word for face value, you always assumed I lied as much as you did. As soon as you left for work on November 21, 2014 (it was a Friday morning - just like today), my curiosity piqued, I snooped and found your explicit Facebook messages to your skanky coworker. It literally took me less than 60 seconds of scrolling to make the decision to leave you. (Anyone reading this who is curious can read this thread, which explains everything that happened: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/504602-last-straw-i-m-giving-up ) Exactly a month later, I was spending the Winter Solstice in my new apartment, without you. I was more heartbroken that I ever believed your lies and married you in the first place than I was sad about the impending divorce. I felt like the world's biggest idiot. At the same time, I knew eventually I'd be so much happier without you. WOW. I knew that I'd be happier sans your Deadweight, but I didn't know just how absolutely ecstatic I would be about my life as I am right now. And it really didn't take much: Just not having to support you financially, domestically, emotionally, intellectually, and especially sexually was a big change that made me feel lighter. Having my own space that you were never allowed to sully or invade made me downright buoyant. So you were gone and I lived in a new apartment - those were the 2 things that changed. Everything else was the same: Job, friends, family, pets, furniture, clothing, car, hobbies, opinions, diet, exercise - none of that changed. Yet every day my happiness and gratitude for the wonderful things in my life grew in leaps and bounds. My heart is bursting with a positivity I had forgotten I could even posses. Why hadn't I been grateful before? It was hard to be happy with the great things we (*I*) had while you constantly pushed me off balance whenever I felt good. And for a while in my new apartment as I felt better and better, I waited for the other shoe to drop, like it always did when I was with you. "I'm too happy, something bad is going to happen" - that was my life, afraid of happiness because you always had something to squash it. But the bringer of the bad things (you) is out of my life. Now my satisfaction, positivity and happiness grows, and I've learned not to be afraid of losing it, because I have it now, it's all contained within me. I think about this a lot lately as the anniversary of my leaving approaches and the last things that still tether me to you fall away. Many of our friends want nothing to do with you, even though I said I didn't care if they stayed in your life. All the things I agreed to in the divorce settlement are ending. The last bit of debt on my record that was your fault is almost payed off. Every day gets better and better, every day I'm more secure. But there's more. I thought that if I were to ever find another guy, I'd have to put up with at least some amount of the narcissistic, competitive, sexist, self-centered machismo you exuded on a daily basis. "All guys are like that to some degree." Not even close, after I left I started to remember that none of the guys I dated before were like you - seriously, of all the great boyfriends I had, how did I end up with you? It had just been so long I forgot what it was like to engage with a man who is also HUMAN, with real human feelings and emotions, who can talk with compassion and empathy. Like the new guy in my life I've been dating for a few months. He is more gracious, appreciative, funny, and understanding than I expected from the male species, because you had been my model of expectation for so long, Mr. Deadweight. Yet even if New Guy and I part ways tomorrow, yes, I would be extremely sad, but in my sadness - alone and single, biological clock ticking away - I would still be more genuinely happy than the happiest day I ever spent married to you. You, Mr. Deadweight, were never worth my time, energy or love. Divorcing you was the smartest decision I could have ever made for myself, especially since marrying you was the worst. I hear your roommate got a DWI and went to jail. You had to take a second job to keep a roof over your head. That's poetic, because for the first time in 7 years, I actually don't need a second job anymore. You haven't been around to be a worthless deadweight, spend my money and rack up debt in our (my) name. It must be rough learning how to be an adult at 35 *sarcasm*. Thank you for making that mistake, thanks for never taking my word at face value, thanks for being technologically incompetent. Thank your skank for writing you dirty Facebook messages for me to find and taking you off my hands - I'm honestly appreciative. Without those actions, I don't know how much longer I would have willingly stayed in that swamp of sadness we called a marriage. I regret not leaving sooner. Sincerely, Your Happy, Healthy, Contented, Effervescent Ex-Wife Edited November 20, 2015 by MightyQuinn 12 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Wow you are my ultimate hero MightyQuinn! Reading about your life with your ex sort of reminds me of mine (and I'm in tentative R right now). Amazing read! You sound like you are living happily and on your terms. I love it! Omg this is my favorite part: Sincerely, Your Happy, Healthy, Contented, Effervescent Ex-Wife 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 I'll just add happy anniversary! As someone who's been happily remarried for 25+ years after an equally disastrous first marriage, it's hard to put into words how much relief comes from escaping that awful daily environment. Congratulations... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Bravo Magnificant letter!!!! Happy Independence Day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyQuinn Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 Thanks I sent the weekend cleaning and appreciating my wonderful apartment, taking my dog for a walk on the trails that crisscross my new neighborhood, and baking/eating apple dumplings while watching Dr. Who with New Guy. I frickin' love my life!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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