Jump to content

She doesn't love me anymore


Recommended Posts

It's been almost a week since I have seen a reply to my posts from her. What have I done wrong? Woe is me. Boo Hoo. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
:lmao: I was talking about you silly. No words of wisdom for me lately?
Link to post
Share on other sites

Wisdom? Hah!!! :laugh:

 

But my head just grew 2 hat-sizes, and it's kind of lop-sided on my neck now.........so THANKS!:lmao:

 

Anything new, going on? I thought you were still in a wait-and-see posture.

Have you talked to her at all?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

No talking right now really. She royally ticked me off Monday and I haven't heard a peep from her since.

 

Here is the story. Weekend with my daughter. She laid down for a nap a bit late. She has to take her medicine between 5 and 6 pm. Has to eat with it too. Nothing serious, just ringworm. She didn't particularly appreciate being woke up from the nap and was pitching a fit. Of course that is the moment my wife calls. Well, she decided that the reason my daughter was pitching a fit was because she doesn't like being away from Mommy for 2 days straight, and she wants to redo the custody thing. I was soooooooo ticked off I just hung up on her. She called me back, yelling and screaming and of course a nice arguement developed. Just really ticked me off she did that on my weekend with our daughter.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She's going to have to understand that if she's not your wife, she doesn't get to tell you what to do, or how to do it anymore. ;)

 

She will no longer have a place in your relationship with your daughter. She will have no control over you.

 

See, she still isn't seeing the reality of the situation. There will be whole weeks that go by in the future where she does'nt see her child at all, because it will be your time with her. And she'll only be able to intrude on the father/daughter relationship as much as you allow. She won't be able to have any input on who her daughter's stepmother will be either.

 

It would have been so easy, so many times over the course of the past decade to throw in the towel, and just walk away. My marriage was soooooo dead. But I knew, that my husband wouldn't be my buddy afterwards. :p

 

He'd have been vindictive and spiteful at the minimum. He'd have fought me every step of the way....child support, custody, the ability to move to another state, you name it.

 

Also, he wouldn't have been waiting for me. He'd have moved on. If I had separated, he'd be with someone else, and I didn't like that idea AT ALL. On the flip-side, he also knew that I would do the same. It's what stopped him ultimately from having a PA. He knew without a doubt what the consequences would be.

Link to post
Share on other sites

p.s. I still think you should consider amending your informal custody agreement to 50/50 btw. It's really hard over time to maintain an effective parental relationship when you aren't getting quantity time.

 

You didn't ask for your wife to flake out and tear your family in half. Why should your father/daughter relationship suffer?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks, RD. :D I like your Cia motto too. And I love Blackadder. Laughter is the best medicine, right? ;)

 

In fact, I've spent half the morning in my PJ's, drinking coffee and reading Maddox's Best Page in the Universe. Too twisted!:lmao:

 

Really I ought to accomplish something with my day. If I could only lift my giant head...off..of......my...keyboard!!! :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

She is going to get a good dose of reality real soon I think. She called this morning when I was sleeping, I ignored the phone, she called again and again right after each other so I finally answered. Apparently she got into a fender bender or something and needed to make sure the car insurance was paid. It is, but there is still the deductible she gets to deal with, and I am not helping with that.

 

But then the auto body shop, yeah, that is the business that the "friend's" father owns. So I am sure she can work out some sort of arrangement for that.

 

Then she really ticked me off. The ringworm hasn't cleared up, and she has to take our daughter to a specialist. She found out about this yesterday. Apparently, since I knew she had a doctor's appointment and didn't call and ask how it went I just didn't care. No, she should have called me to tell me what happened at the doctor's appointment, especially if there was a problem.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Devildog

Apparently, since I knew she had a doctor's appointment and didn't call and ask how it went I just didn't care. No, she should have called me to tell me what happened at the doctor's appointment, especially if there was a problem.

 

I'd say reality was beginning to set in, except she seems to be making all her issues about your daughter. If you ask me, it's conflict avoidance.

Why deal with what is really bothering her if she can nit-pick about a whole different issue?

 

This seems to be a habit with her lately, and you could take some of the wind out of her be setting up some rules. (i.e. It is incumbant upon the person with new information to contact the other.) Having an agreement on issues like these will make it impossible for her to focus her frustration on your parenting relationship.

 

Also, she'll be looking for ways to cement her own mother/child relationship, and will cut you out completely if she can. She feels threatened. Her world is no longer a stable place. Her choice certainly, but she can't expect to keep a husband on the back-burner while she lives the single life.

 

There was no reason that she couldn't have left a message for you, is there? She wanted contact with you.;) It's your choice now on how much contact she gets, and what the quality of it is.

 

I'd say withhold it altogether when you know she's in a mood to argue. If she catches you by surprise, and starts an arguement, don't let her see any reaction. It's what she want you know....to prove to herself that she made the right decision, because you're an unstable, angry man. :laugh:

 

Calm, cool, and collected at all times. It'll drive her nuts.!!! :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Actually, I am real close to taking the wind out of her sails and burning the sails completely. Just so much anger and hurt. And it is like she has hunted me down to keep delivering the hurt. I try to avoid talking to her, I don't answer the phone when she calls unless I have my daughter there. (I don't want her to freak out and think I am "kidnapping" our daughter like she has stated a fear of.) But she keeps pulling me in so she can beat me some more.

 

I was thinking yesterday. Just alot of potential relationships that I squelched immediately because I was in a relationship. One in particular had a huge spark. But we were both in relationships and distanced ourselves until I left for a different job. There have been plenty of women that I have met and there was some sort of spark, but I wasn't about to let anything happen or grow because I was in a relationship. I have no doubts that I would be able to find a new spark, or possibly give an old spark another chance if I decide to.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Originally posted by Ladyjane14

I'd say withhold it altogether when you know she's in a mood to argue. If she catches you by surprise, and starts an arguement, don't let her see any reaction. It's what she want you know....to prove to herself that she made the right decision, because you're an unstable, angry man. :laugh:

 

Calm, cool, and collected at all times. It'll drive her nuts.!!! :D

 

But this is still good advice for making her regret her decision!! :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Devildog

And it is like she has hunted me down to keep delivering the hurt.

 

Don't you find it curious that she does that? I bet she's becoming increasingly more insecure in her decision to separate. The cooler you are with her, the more she turns up the heat.

 

She's trying to get a reaction out of you. The question becomes why?. If she wanted to be alone, why keep trying to get your attention? :confused:

 

It's perfectly okay if you've had enough and are ready to move on. You can feel good about that, because you've done everything you could. It's understandable given what you've been through. But do be sure. It's possible that you've got a new in-road here.

 

Have you read the section on Reverse Babble at MB?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I hear what you are saying Ladyjane, and it makes sense. But that road to reconciliation on her part is never going to work. Ticking me off and hurting me has at this point made me have doubts about if I could still get over the physical affair that she still denies. I could have before all this additional pain and heartwrenching she has applied. Now, I don't know. If she is trying to test my limits I think she might have found them at this point.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Devildog-

 

Off topic...but been a dad for 18 years plus now. Ringworm is easy to treat yourself. Get Selsun Blue or any of those "blue" anti-dandruff shampoos. Ringworm isn't a worm...it's a fungus. You can treat it topically by keeping it covered so it doesn't spread, washing her bedding daily, and keep it slathered in an anti-fungal agent like Selsun blue (or even any of the "lady" products like Monistat). It will take several days to clear, but this DOES work. And it's not a homemade remedy thing....this is what the doctor had me do for my kids, and to treat a case of tinea veriscola that I had as well.

 

Hope this helps ya bro!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...