optomistic_nonsense Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Hello. I've been very bothered by some recent events in which I feel helpless and saddened by. My ex seems to be persuading or steering my 6 yr old son into doing things his own way or to do things with his family while pulling him away from mine. Example: Last week, my ex asked me if our soon could go to a work picnic of his fathers (my sons other set of grandparents) in which his other cousins would be going to on a Friday. This particular Friday however, plans were already made (and agreed upon) for our son to spend time with my parents, who live 45 mins way and dont get to see him as often, which I reiterated to my ex. My ex texted me then today saying our son would be calling me soon to say hello (50/50 custody asgreemernt by the way). So 20 mins later, my son calls and says "can I go to the work picnic on Friday with my cousins and other grandparents?". I wanted to cry. Not only had my son never called me without saying "hi mom! Etc," first, he sounded so scripted. Like he just memorized a sentence at school or something. I told him we had made plans with gram and grandpa (my parents) already and whatnot but he sounded....different. He was quiet, almost robotic-like with his speech. With school starting in a couple weeks, this was the last extended stay opportunity m son was going to have with my parents for quite sometime. I feel like it was a curveball thrown at me from nowhere. Although this has happened before, I feel like my hands are tied when these situations arise. Has anyone else dealt with this or have suggestions on handflng it? Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Was there any reason why a (3-hour-long?) picnic had to completely wipe out an entire end-of-summer, extended-stay weekend with his other extended family? Couldn't its start have just been delayed by a couple of hours? Link to post Share on other sites
Author optomistic_nonsense Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 With me and my husbands work schedule, my son was going to be dropped off with my parents in the morning before work. They then had a train ride planned and were staying overnight in a cabin where they used to take me as a child, and then return Saturday evening, so no, this wasn't really a situation which couldd be delayed, which again, we had planned on and agreed to beforehand. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Just keep doing what you did and if your son mentions it again when he comes home, explain again that plans were in place and it's not nice to let people down like that. Give him an example, like a friend of your DS accepting an invitation to his birthday party, then just because the friend gets another invite, he doesn't come to DSs party. DS would be disappointed and feel hurt, as though the other friend was more important than him. You need to set him that good example because his dad is being manipulative. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author optomistic_nonsense Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Thank you Sandy. Very simple yet strategic way of combatting this one. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Thank you Sandy. Very simple yet strategic way of combatting this one. Your welcome . Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 With me and my husbands work schedule, my son was going to be dropped off with my parents in the morning before work. They then had a train ride planned and were staying overnight in a cabin where they used to take me as a child, and then return Saturday evening, so no, this wasn't really a situation which couldd be delayed, which again, we had planned on and agreed to beforehand. Did your ex know about it and agree to it beforehand? (Not that he necessarily had to...it reads like it was your weekend and he wanted some extra time with your son.) If no, perhaps in the future when plans are made which can't be altered, you should let your ex know (and vice-versa)...just to avoid these types of things. I know, I know...that's what separation/divorce is all about: 2 adults going their own way, doing their own things, withOUT having to check-in with one another, but we both know when there's kids involved, there's gonna be continued contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author optomistic_nonsense Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Yes, it was my wknd with my son (Fri-Sun), and he agreed to this schedule 6+ weeks ago. Like I said in my original post, not the first time he's done this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 If no, perhaps in the future when plans are made which can't be altered, you should let your ex know (and vice-versa)...just to avoid these types of things. When it's your custody time, you don't have to let your ex know anything about your plans. Totally inappropriate request by the exH, sounds like the OP handled it well... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Yes, it was my wknd with my son (Fri-Sun), and he agreed to this schedule 6+ weeks ago. Like I said in my original post, not the first time he's done this. I didn't catch that he, too, was included in agreeing with the plans that everyone knew about, which is why I asked about it. If that's the case, he is absolutely wrong to do what he did. Having been in similar situations in the past it's entirely possible your son started in on how he wanted to go (my kids had a tendency to want to do whatever was right in front of them at the moment, on both sides of the visits), but even if that's the case, your ex should have been on the one to (also) give the talk that sandylee had suggested. Anything less seems like he's starting/contributing to/keeping stuff stirred up and making YOU the soul 'bad guy'. NOT good when trying to successfully co-parent. Link to post Share on other sites
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