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Wife's Texting??


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I am new to this forum and I am looking for advice.

 

I have been married for 14 years and have 3 children together 8 10 13. My wife shared with me the other week that she needed love and attention. Also that she is numb with her emotions. I have noticed an increase attachment to her phone so I tried to turn a head thinking that it was just me. But I broke down and got the records on how many texts were being sent. She had this one number that i did not know and the messages were erased. Anywhere from 20-100 depending on the day. She is a nurse and she said it is a pt that she sends medical info to. She erased the convo because some of it was private for her medical issue's.

 

Well this is caused a rift in our marriage with alot of arguing and it is affecting our children. I have stayed away and then some nights at home upstairs to be with my kids. She has said I have become crazy and she is scared. I feel like I am frustrated and probably loud and screaming. I am I wrong? I am a bigger guy and she said it is my insecurities. What do you guys think?

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I think you guys need marriage counseling. If she is physically afraid of you that is a very bad sign.

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d0nnivain makes a good suggestion - counseling is a good place to start, IF you both want to work on the issues between you. It doesn't sound - yet - like things have gotten too out of control. The emotional distance is a fairly common phenomenon in lengthy marriages, but one that can be fixed if both parties want to. That is the key. As long as you or your wife haven't already strayed too far, or given up hope, marriage counseling can do wonders. It also sounds as if you might have some anger issues if your wife is afraid of your temper? That is something that you might want to address in individual counseling if it is affecting your relationship, especially with children in the mix.

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Guys let me first say I have never ever touched my wife. I have a degree in Criminal Justice and work for the school system. I would no way shape or form touch her. She is a great mother. I do love her.

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That many texts to one number is not *all* medical issues. She is having an Emotional Affair at least.

 

Staying away at night does not help the situation.

 

Counseling is the best bet, but she has to be willing to be open with you on what she is sharing with this other person - or who, at least, it is...

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I can tell you that what happened to you is EXACTLY what happened to me. My wife became so involved with texting it was driving me away, so I'd often leave the couch with her because I was frustrated...no responses to my conversation, ignoring me, little by little becoming more distanced and aloof. I thought she was just chatting to her many girlfriends, as she's very sociable. Finally I logged on to her account and noticed a number that was more frequent than others...I printed it and called her on it. It was a friend of mine who lived a few provinces away...

 

 

But the coldness and pulling away were a sign I overlooked right away. Please, try to get to the truth of the matter...for your own sake and peace of mind. She may be telling the truth, but be aware anything is possible, no matter how great your marriage is.

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lolablue17

many texts + texts deleted = cheating.

 

(At least an emotional affair on the highway to a physical)

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She had this one number that i did not know and the messages were erased. Anywhere from 20-100 depending on the day. She is a nurse and she said it is a pt that she sends medical info to. She erased the convo because some of it was private for her medical issue's.

 

Just so I understand, was it 20-100 texts per day? What is a "pt"?

 

Have you googled the phone number? Were it a business, I's guess the number would come up pretty easily...

 

Mr. Lucky

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understand50

OK, if the text were to a patient (PT?) and were for a medical reason, yes she must delete them because of the HIPA act, BUT........

 

Who it was is not covered by HIPA, and she should be able to tell you that. That information should give an idea what is going on. In any case, as it is her own phone, it is not work related. Her employer would need a copy of the texts for the medical records. You are not supposed to put HIPA information on it. As a nurse, she is up on all the HIPA do's and don'ts.

 

It really looks fishy to me. She is hiding things.

 

175217541778

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She is lyng and cheating...in my opinion.

And saying she is scared of you to deflect blame, change the subject. I mean, maybe she is scared, if you are being scary...but it takes the topic off of those texts in a hurry.

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Friskyone4u

The fact that you have found this forum indicates you know in your gut that this is no innocent texting episode. Your wife is deleting these things for a reason. So your first step is to trust your gut, and get OUT of the shock and denial stage. And you better do it quick.

Your first stop tomorrow needs to be Best Buy to purchase anVAR , voice activated recorder. The techies on here will tell you what to buy , what batteries to buy and how to install it in her car . Ask for the help .

This is definitely an EA and probably already a PA. You probably know medical people and others in high stress jobs with long hours under pressure have a higher rate of infidelity the general population . If she is in a hospital environment there is also plenty of opportunity.

You should also put anGPS on her car and if she is an hourly employee check her pay stubs for sick leave or vacation hours that cannot be explained .

You also need to think back and since the texting has started are there any of the following

(1) supposed girls night outs

(2) overnight trips with an"girlfriend"

(3) in verifiable trips to meet old friends

(4) more than normal and longer shopping trips

If the answer to any of the above is yes, it is highly likely she is already in a PA, and her friends may be facilitating it and covering for her

Now your alternative is to sit there and watch it happen . Not a great idea.

If she is involved with OM she will be talking in her car for sure or she may be discussing her affair with a friend . Women share their affairs verbally with friends much more than men.

Hope you do something and that at least I have given yoiu some worthwhile suggestions

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Sorry to hear that op, the texting rings a bell for me too, my ex was texting hundreds daily to the other dude she was emotionally involved. Did u save the number? If so go to fone finder.com and u can at least figure out what cell company that is, from there u might know somebody that knows somebody that works for that cell company and maybe u can pay them to find out the name even address of person, so u can know if it is in fact a patient, we alredy know its not and who knows they might be married. Also some phones, specifically samsung galaxys keep a 2nd copy of the conversation saved so even if they get deleted u might b able to read parts of them, thats how i caught mine with her hand in the cookie jar.

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She is lyng and cheating...in my opinion.

And saying she is scared of you to deflect blame, change the subject. I mean, maybe she is scared, if you are being scary...but it takes the topic off of those texts in a hurry.

 

"Lovemycat" makes a sharp, critical point here. Scared - yeah, she is scared alright. Scared she is caught.

 

Your little wifey can get a big guy like you in a heep of trouble - so drop it, and make nice, RIGHT NOW.

 

Next, Friskyone4you has given you the information to get your head out of the sand. DO IT, TOMORROW. Use industrial velcro under the seat of the car for the VAR. This particular data collection will only be for your own personal use. You won't want to completely believe what is happening until you see it or hear it. That is just how it is - we are only human.

 

Keep your lips zipped. Apologize (puke). Make it sound like you mean it. Only once, - pour on the bull, "I sincerely regret that I doubted you, and invaded your privacy. Please, I ask for your forgiveness." That's all. Don't over-do it. Just keep your tail between your legs, and get everything back to normal.

 

In the meantime, you are going to get busy. Besides the VAR in the car, plant one in the room wear she yaps on the phone the most. There are many sites online that will provide you with a complete name, address, and even a background/criminal check with only a phone number. I have always used Intellus. Do not do any of your under cover work from the home computer. Be careful -- using credit cards -- perhaps get a Paypal account for on-line purchases. Use cash at Best Buys.

 

Get your finances organized - NOW. Begin considering the fact that you are probably going to be seeing an attorney in the near future.

 

Discuss the matter with a trusted law enforcement friend - you never know if a false accusation might be rendered against you, and it is possible no one will believe you, because, like you said, "you're a big guy." Oh, dear, and too, don't EVER, EVER forget, that now, suddenly, "she's scared!"

 

I'm sorry. We at LS have seen it time after time. Your story is the MO for Classic, Textbook, Cheater 101. Get your act together fast. Collect the evidence. Then, arrange a meeting, with her and some LEO's, at which time you can display the dirt in front of these witnesses, hand her divorce papers, and kindly ask her to pack her things and leave. The police will be glad to escort her off the premises.

 

Have all your ducks in a row. I just gave you the recipe to conduct a sting operation on a cheater and avoid a total mind-eff for years to come. There are really good techie threads that another poster mentioned. Hopefully someone can cite these. But you are set for tomorrow and the next couple days. Keep strong. Yas

 

PS Laws vary from state to state on covertly tape recording conversations. Tape recording a conversation between yourself and another person without their knowledge is only illegal in twelve US states, per the last time I checked).

Edited by Yasuandio
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many texts + texts deleted = cheating.

 

(At least an emotional affair on the highway to a physical)

 

Yep. Can you get a polygraph done?

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OK, if the text were to a patient (PT?) and were for a medical reason

 

Wow, I can't get my doctor to make eye contact with me half the time. And she's sending a 100 texts of medical info per day to patients? On her own phone?

 

What insurance plan is she a provider for :confused: ??? I'll switch tomorrow...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Im sorry you are going through this, but like others have stated it is at least an emotional affair. It just happened to me. It starts with just a possible friendship, then more texting, then come the phone calls. My STBXW, tried to say it was only friendships, then I found the I love you's. The emails, etc. Once you confront be ready to see no more texting on the cell bill. It will only mean she downloaded a texting app that doesnt use the cellular minutes. Mine noticed me checking and then the OM bought her a new phone on his plan. Or she may also pick up a "burner" phone (prepaid).

 

I am sorry for you, but you are still early in this. There can still be a chance to come back, but she will want to stop and most cant.

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