Jump to content

Can you truly move on when you have children?


Recommended Posts

Hi Everyone...

 

This is my story... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/515225-left-limbo-cheating-drugs-depression-affair-fog

 

Additional info/shorter version http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/515485-continue-no-contact

 

I have been doing a lot of work on myself and building a life for my daughter without her dad... But I am wondering is it actually possible to move on from someone completely when you do have a child with them and did have the loving family dynamic?

 

It just seems impossible to me right now... I know people that are married and have children move on to new partners etc.... but do you ever truly stop loving the father of your children...and not only love them because they are the father of your children? To me I dont feel like you can ever actually completely move on because of this connection you share with that person?

 

For me it seems like right now HE doesnt care about anything at all other then himself but that could be a combination of drugs, mental health etc...you cant just turn off love and he would have to still love me and our child. i just feel like when you have children with someone by choice... and experience being a family and being in love etc... it is something you will never get over and a piece of you will always belong to that person no matter what happens. Thats why you see so many people leave then return to the mother of their child etc...

 

I would love to hear any advice or your own experiences?

Link to post
Share on other sites
justaplottwist

I read your story. I'm so sorry.

 

This is new and fresh and torturous to your mind. When something like this happens, and yes it is traumatic, our mind spends a great deal of time....and I mean a GREAT deal of time trying to make sense of things.....and reasons why people did things....and a plethora of other thoughts that keep us up at night.

 

When basically, there are no good answers.

 

He did a rotten thing. Often people who are narcissists discard the people they are involved with suddenly and unemotionally. And they don't look back...even with children. I don't know if your significant other is one...but it can explain why he has not even bothered to be in contact with your child.

 

It doesn't make sense to you because it sounds like you don't think he does.

 

You can absolutely get over someone who is the other parent to your child. If you were invested in the relationship mentally....then it's going to take time. Plain and simple. But know as painful as that sounds....at LEAST you know you have emotions and CAN invest in a relationship.

 

I, too, at one point thought it would be impossible to get over the person who was the father to my child. Even with all the hurtful things he was doing. But I have. It just took time. I don't think of him as MY family anymore....but he is part of son's family.

 

I'm sorry for your pain and what has happened.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

 

He did a rotten thing. Often people who are narcissists discard the people they are involved with suddenly and unemotionally. And they don't look back...even with children. I don't know if your significant other is one...but it can explain why he has not even bothered to be in contact with your child.

 

I have looked into narcissists and he does display some traits, but in saying that he also has traits in the 'grass in greener syndrome', 'affair fog', drug abuse, mental health... so who knows! It could be a combination of all of them or none of them! its so heartbreaking as it came out of no where! I had seen an ugly side to him before this but this is something completely different.. Something is definetly not right.

 

 

I, too, at one point thought it would be impossible to get over the person who was the father to my child. Even with all the hurtful things he was doing. But I have. It just took time. I don't think of him as MY family anymore....but he is part of son's family.

 

I hope i get to that point because i just dont want to care anymore. i love him... well i love who he use to be and what he could have been for us... as time goes on i accept that, that person i dead now and this is who he has chosen to be. i just wish like he was being mean to me etc... saying hurtful things so i could actual let the old him go... i know it sounds stupid but he has done all of this and just gone no contact. i wonder if i will be able to get over him... but will be able to get over me as i have done nothing to hurt him or make him hate me? i just feel the bond you have with the other person its life long and deep down inside of you, you will always love them for giving u the child..

 

I'm sorry for your pain and what has happened.

 

Thank you for your reply, i really appreciate it! I am just sick of feeling lost and wondering what the hell is he thinking and doing? He had it all...

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...