eblude Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Hey All. Been a while .. well things been going well .. slowly I am getting better start smiling having a life . Only thing that makes it harder next week I have my divorce Date and I wish i do not go. I do not want to see her face at after her betrayal. Yesterday I spend day cleaning all left of her .. it was hard little bit feeling like throwing 6 years of my life in trash . I sit at the end next to the stuff and cried out loud knowing it is last time. thought feel better and i know it is part of my journey to recovery. My main question is : I am afraid to break down and cry at court or it will effect me since i have not seen her since she left. is there a way to handle iit knowing i have to be there regardless i like it or not? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Why do you have to be there? Almost all divorces can be handled ex-parte. Where are you located (country/state)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Because am scared of my ex and what she gonna make up . I do not want her to take my dogs . I am located in Maine. I just want to be sure she wont make up **** and all goes smooth Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Once you go through the process, it'll be a lot easier to process and reflect upon the fear of the moment as an obstacle to overcome. Life is full of obstacles. You mentioned divorce hearing in the title....is this the pre-trial conference or the official court hearing where the judge hears both sides? My best advice is to take one day at a time and focus on that day and a success for that day, even if it has nothing to do with the divorce. Break the challenges down into simpler bites to chew on and process. It'll work out. Divorces, while sometimes traumatic, also have good news. Life goes on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Once you go through the process, it'll be a lot easier to process and reflect upon the fear of the moment as an obstacle to overcome. Life is full of obstacles. You mentioned divorce hearing in the title....is this the pre-trial conference or the official court hearing where the judge hears both sides? My best advice is to take one day at a time and focus on that day and a success for that day, even if it has nothing to do with the divorce. Break the challenges down into simpler bites to chew on and process. It'll work out. Divorces, while sometimes traumatic, also have good news. Life goes on. it is "pre-trial conference" I am afraid to break down at court crying , it will be painful seeing face of someone you loved and ended up trying to ruin my life .. I wish it will not pull me back emotionally since i been working hard on myself. I wish her no bad but I do not wanna see her and open wounds i am trying to move away from. and heal Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Do you have a lawyer? Tell that person your concerns. You will not be the 1st person or the last who ever expressed emotion at a hearing. Also if you are not in therapy, start. A trained professional can help you deal with these feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Do you have a lawyer? Tell that person your concerns. You will not be the 1st person or the last who ever expressed emotion at a hearing. Also if you are not in therapy, start. A trained professional can help you deal with these feelings. No I cannot afford it . I think i will see how is situation at hearing and if she tried to be sneaky then i will hire a lawyer but since we have no kids or house my only concern are my dogs , and she doesn't try to take money out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 No I cannot afford it . I think i will see how is situation at hearing and if she tried to be sneaky then i will hire a lawyer but since we have no kids or house my only concern are my dogs , and she doesn't try to take money out of me. Sometimes having a lawyer is about the emotional support you get from that professional who can take some of the angst away. If the divorce is done smoothly & quickly by a professional who understands the system you will end up spending less time & waaaaayyyyy less emotional energy on this. Also you may have been able to skip attending the hearing, but if you represent yourself you have to go AND worse you have to talk to her. If you are too emotionally to think clearly, representing yourself is bad idea. There is an old saying that has a ring of truth: Anybody who represents themselves has a fool for a client. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Good luck eblude. Most likely you won't break down while in the courtroom. While I understand that's your fear, most likely the gravity of the situation will keep your mind from going into the emotional gutter. Just to relate something completely unrelated: tuesday in a training session at work (for insurance sales), my boss started telling about people (I suspect one more than many) coming into his office years ago in tears because they just lost their loved one and was explaining how that happens in the industry. I could see on his face he was affected deeply as he said it, but was actually amazed how he kept himself together. He even said it affects him emotionally even now, and I could tell. I gained new respect for him and you will gain new respect for yourself too. What I have found in life is the things one worries about most are usually what hurts them the least, or at least not nearly as much as they expected. You will be fine. I wish you a good outcome! Ken Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Sometimes having a lawyer is about the emotional support you get from that professional who can take some of the angst away. A councellor is usually a lot cheaper than a lawyer for this kind of stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eblude Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Hey guys it is been so hard ,... yesterday i had ideas of giving up on life .. was thinking about giving her all she wants and pull the plug .. been 4 months all going wrong . 2 car accidents "none my fault", low on cash and might lose house cos of some damn problems ... I cannot take it anymore .. i want a happy life . each time i move ahead and i say it is going to get better more **** shows up... sorry but that divorce date is taking so much emotional impact on me . I still care about her but I cannot forget pain she created . I am at work now and my brain is like shuffling in past and misrable marraige experience hoping it is just a bad dream or move ,.. hoping it never happened Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 I've been to court a few times. Your fear is that you don't know what it's like in the courtroom. Go sit in on a few cases. It's a business transaction.Nothing like on TV. Your attorney should do most,if not all of the talking,unless you're called to the stand. That usually doesn't happen until the final hearing,by which time you'll be a pro! I've also been there where I was about to lose my home. It was already in foreclosure. I was busy paying my attorney,subpoenas,etc.,,It all worked out. Put first things first. Your physical and emotional health is your priority. The other things are just "things". They can be replaced or you can climb back out of the hole. Your job is a priority,so make sure you're performing as best you can. Get a support system of friends and family. And remember,.....Life is difficult. It has ups and it has downs. You're simply in a down cycle. Which means that better days are ahead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Hey guys it is been so hard ,... yesterday i had ideas of giving up on life .. was thinking about giving her all she wants and pull the plug .. been 4 months all going wrong . 2 car accidents "none my fault", low on cash and might lose house cos of some damn problems ... I cannot take it anymore .. i want a happy life . each time i move ahead and i say it is going to get better more **** shows up... sorry but that divorce date is taking so much emotional impact on me . I still care about her but I cannot forget pain she created . I am at work now and my brain is like shuffling in past and misrable marraige experience hoping it is just a bad dream or move ,.. hoping it never happened Do not pull the plug. Try to get a low cost divorce lawyer. If you can find one firm that does divorce & personal injury perhaps they can make a claim for the 2 accidents & agree to defer their bills for the divorce. You do have a lot going on & need a breather but not a permanent abdication. Link to post Share on other sites
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