Saw the attorney today.....

[b52srock]

I went and saw my attorney today and began the paperwork for a divorce. Believe me when I say it is absolutely the last thing I want (see previous posts). But if nothing else, I will have the answers he is unwilling to give me, one way or another.

 

What was really creepy was that my attorney already knew who the OW was. Seems he had heard the same rumors around town.

 

So, by the end of the week, the initial papers will be delivered to him and he will have 20 days to respond. I'm sure he knew what was happening within 10 minutes of my arriving at the attorneys office, seeing as how one of his fireman buddies drove by just as I was walking from my car to the attorney's door.

 

I'm actually calmer than I've been in a long time, which is surprising. Maybe its because I know that I'll finally know what the answers are without waiting another 8 months.

[bluechocolate]

I'm actually calmer than I've been in a long time, which is surprising.

 

I don't think it is that surprising really. You have a course of action & can now see that you'll be getting some answers. Before it's all "why? why me? what can I do? why did they do this to me?....."

 

Maybe its because I know that I'll finally know what the answers are without waiting another 8 months.

 

Being faced with questions & uncertainty is always more confusing - even if you don't like the way you're headed at least you can see the road ahead.

 

Good luck to you.

[izzybelle]

b52,

glad you're doing ok. i was thinking about you and wondering what happened after your last post.

blue's right. i'm not surprised you're calmer. hopefully you will have your answers soon and more importantly you've taken back some of the control over the situation. sometimes just doing that can be empowering.

congrats on taking the first step. i know you want your husband back, but keep in mind that it's your decision, too. after what's happened over the past few months just make sure that you take care of yourself and your kids.

[b52srock]

Papers should be in his hands either Thursday or Friday. I let the attorney know he would be out of town until then. He came over this morning before leaving town to see the kids off to school and it was all I could do not to break down and tell him what I've done. I know it sounds cowardly, but I don't want to break the news to him in person. I think it will have more impact coming out of the blue.

 

Then tonight he calls to tell the kids good-night, and neither one of them were here (they were at basketball and studying at a friend's house). I was rather cold to him on the phone, which I'm sure is driving him crazy right now. He was trying to be up-beat and friendly, but I kept things to short and simple answers. He did say it was snowing where he was and I told him to drive carefully. When we went to hang up, I just said good-bye, and as I was hanging up the phone I heard him say good-night instead of good-bye like he's been doing for months.

 

Yes, it made me feel horrible. Literally sick to my stomach. The hardest thing in the world for me to do is be mean to him in spite of everything.

[izzybelle]

just hang in there, you're doing great! maybe this will wake him up and he'll realize what's at stake. then the decision is yours.

 

do you think his friends who saw your car have given him a heads up?

 

one way or another this will all work out for you. just continue to be strong!

[b52srock]

Actually, Izzy, the friend of his that saw me going into the attorney's office showed up unexpectedly at MY office today, apparently to drop off some papers to another mutual friend of ours. He stepped into my office, asked me how the job was and how I was doing. I smiled and told him quite frankly I'd been better. He said he'd stop back in and see me before he left the building, but somehow, , he managed to slip out undetected.

 

I honestly had to giggle to myself over that one. So maybe he didn't let the cat out of the bag to the H as I'd thought he would. Never really know what people will do.

[Scott S]

I'm very sorry things came to this. I know this has been painful.

 

At least now you know the end is in sight, one way or another. Your life will no longer be on hold. Soon the healing process can begin.

[mr314man]

Hey b52srock...

 

You will get through this. Its an ugly bumpy ride, though. I'm a guy who was in your situation last year. Seemed dismal. Rollercoaster-like from hour to hour.

 

I like your name-- b52srock. I'm guessing you are a fan of the band. I grew up in Athens, I can share something you might like:

 

In Oconee Hill Cemetery, just outside downtown Athens, is where Ricky Wilson is buried. He has a very distinctive headstone... shaped like a pyramid. Anyway, there is a quote engraved on it that has helped me a great deal since I first read it in 1985. It reads:

 

"The winds of change are always blowing, set your sail to catch that breeze."

 

You are being forced to go through some very hideous change that you: 1- did not ask for, 2- do not deserve, and 3- cannot control. You have to ride it.

 

Its been 12 months since susppicions, 10 months since confirmation, 6 months since seperation, and 2 months since the D was final.

 

My ex has her BF living in my old house, seeing more of my girls than me, blah blah blah. It sucks.

 

Me? oh I still have downs and ups... some weeks more downs, but I "got out there" and found a 39 year old, with a teenager, I have two little girls, a tiny old bungalow I live in now, and I'm in a better place than I was this time last year.

 

By the way, the girl I slowly allowed myself to see, (and thank God for everyday)... well we went to see the B's down by the St. Louis Arch in July. I knew she was 'good for me' during the show. I was curious, would she be the type to want to stand back by the edge of the crowd and not get beer spilled on her... get her hair wet, etc? Hell no! We were five feet in front of Fred by the second song having a blast.

 

Now buck up, be very very good to yourself, value your friends, open your eyes and go find somebody to "kiss your pineapple!"