Relate

[Richiebuoy]

Here in the UK we have an organisation called relate, its a Relationship or Marriage Counselling service (free). I have never used it but have been told it can be very useful.

 

Obviously it does not aim to blame but rather resolve, naturally it cant resolve a lack of love but it can deal with other matters which might be damaging a relationship like children, money, debts in laws etc etc which the couple are having trouble with.

 

So if a marriage was having problems but there was still love there would it be right if one of the couple refused to use their services or would that be ok ?

[Decisiontomake]

I believe they offer both individual and couples counseling, but they are definitely set up more towards the latter. I did about 13 weeks of Relate with my H after his affair many years ago and it undoubtedly saved our marriage at the time. I'm definitely an advocate for it.

[PegNosePete]

If BOTH parties want to fix the issues then it is very good.

 

But in your case Ritchie, it would be a waste of time, because your wife clearly does not want to fix the marriage.

[Richiebuoy]

Maybe Pete but I did say that relate cannot resolve a lack of love so it wasn't my case i was thinking about.

 

What I was getting at is where there is still love but with marital difficulties and one partner refuse to us Relate, is that person in fear of whatever the conclusion might be ?

[PegNosePete]

It's impossible to make such a generalization. Each case is different and depends on the individual facts.

 

One generalization I would make is that if a partner refuses marriage counselling, then for some reason or another, they do not want to fix the marriage. And if one partner does not want to fix the marriage, there is absolutely nothing the other partner can do.

[Richiebuoy]

Thanks Pete, on your first point I was merely wondering what peoples thoughts were, on your second point, with respect, that is fairly obvious....

[Richiebuoy]

Thanks Pete, on your first point I was merely wondering what peoples thoughts were, on your second point, with respect, that is fairly obvious....

[PegNosePete]

I don't see how it's possible for anyone to have thoughts on a subject that is simply a generalization. Attempting to apply one possible reason, to all people who refuse counselling. It's like saying my car won't start, do cars not start because the battery is flat? Well sometimes it's the battery but often it's something totally different. Need more info to tell.

 

Maybe if you gave more details of the specific case then we might be able to tell you whether the person is "in fear of whatever the conclusion may be", or whether it's some other reason. Without more information, it's simply too vague to say.

[Richiebuoy]

Its not case specific.....so doesn't need case specific views ....but leave it if you don't understand.... the question wasn't to ask for a reason but simply would it be right

Edited November 18, 2014 by Richiebuoy

[anne1707]

I believe they offer both individual and couples counseling, but they are definitely set up more towards the latter. I did about 13 weeks of Relate with my H after his affair many years ago and it undoubtedly saved our marriage at the time. I'm definitely an advocate for it.

 

Relate were also great for my H and I after my affair.

 

Just to add - Relate changed their name from Marriage Guidance years ago to acknowledge their shift in perspective. They do not just focus on couples who are working to save their marriage. They also help couples who don't know what they want to do, individuals having problems in their marriage, individuals having problems in relationships generally, etc. This means that they can be of help to people in dealing with the end of a relationship.