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Behaviour at the divorce hearing?


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reservoirdog1

Once the court hearing is concluded and the judge has declared you divorced, you and your now-ex-spouse walk out into the hallway. Question for those who have been there before.

 

Did you hug? Shake hands? Exchange any words?

 

Mine will probably be in about a month. I'd like it to be basically free of emotion; if I don't have to hug TBXWW, that would be best. Finding out the truth about her years of cheating and lies hurt enough, and there's still considerable bitterness and anger on my part. However, we've now been separated for almost a year; as far as I'm concerned, the marriage ended in all but law back then. Going to court is, to me, a formality, really just closing the book on the fraud once and for all.

 

I don't want to get emotional about it at the courthouse, and I'm hoping she won't. How did others deal with this?

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Never went through it. Know I wish you a clear ending. It does have a significance. You'll realise it later.

 

Hug,

 

Curly

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Well, when I was in the court house.. my EX tried to act like we were best buddies LMAO Whata jackass!

 

Of course we still have to be civil because we have little people together...

 

However when the proceeding was over, and the decree was granted.. I really felt a lot of relief.

 

I went to walk out of the courtroom, my EX approached me... one of those moments where you're not really sure what to say or do...

 

And... we didn't say anything.. OR do anything... I kept walking and left it behind me... I was happy I had made the decision to divorce him, and I was happy I got to keep my little people... and for some reason or another, I was glad I was the one who turned my back and walked out of the courtroom first.

 

 

Good luck with yours:)

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in some places-only the person who filed the divorce is required to show up at court for the final hearing. if the other party chooses not to show, they don't have too. not sure how that stands in your area. it would certainly make things easier for alot of people if the other party did not have to be there for the exact reasons you mentioned. i wish you the best and know that you will have the support of others when you go to court-stay strong!

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I filed for divorce. He wanted to be at the court hearing to 'play a part'. he didn't have to be there, only one of us. The trial was fine. The judge asked me if I could honestly say that I tried my hardest. I said yes. We divorced on irreconcilable differences. I left the courtroom. Had a hard time fighting back the tears for some reason. I had never cried through the whole divorce or process. But the courthouse made it really sink in. I cried my eyes out heading back to work. That still makes me sad to this day, but I never have really cried on any other occasion. Good luck. It's tough.

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I would say the less contact you have, the better. Do not give emotions the opportunity, & you won't have to deal with them.

 

Your attorney is your best & only friend in the courtroom, limit your communication to the attorney & to the judge. And when you speak to the judge, keep the answers as short as possible. "Yes, your honor/No, your honor" as much as you can.

 

My first marriage ended under circumstances similar to yours. The last time I saw my ex was when she was about to drive away. I had been watching while she & the man she was leaving me for loaded up the last of her stuff in the U-Haul. She was in her car, I walked over to her, told her that it was nice being married to her, & I regretted that she did not find the relationship as fulfilling. She gently shook my hand, & I could see her lip trmbling & tears welling up in her eyes.

 

Fortunately, I did not have any face-to-face contact with her during the actual proceedings. She didn't appear, didn't need to. Made things much easier.

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Originally posted by Scott S

I would say the less contact you have, the better. Do not give emotions the opportunity, & you won't have to deal with them.

 

Your attorney is your best & only friend in the courtroom, limit your communication to the attorney & to the judge. And when you speak to the judge, keep the answers as short as possible. "Yes, your honor/No, your honor" as much as you can.

 

My first marriage ended under circumstances similar to yours. The last time I saw my ex was when she was about to drive away. I had been watching while she & the man she was leaving me for loaded up the last of her stuff in the U-Haul. She was in her car, I walked over to her, told her that it was nice being married to her, & I regretted that she did not find the relationship as fulfilling. She gently shook my hand, & I could see her lip trmbling & tears welling up in her eyes.

 

Fortunately, I did not have any face-to-face contact with her during the actual proceedings. She didn't appear, didn't need to. Made things much easier.

 

Scott... I am truely impressed at your dignity, grace and class.

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Originally posted by Merin2

Scott... I am truely impressed at your dignity, grace and class.

 

Goodness me! You're too kind!

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Originally posted by Scott S

Goodness me! You're too kind!

 

Sincerely.

 

Not a lot of people are able to show or have that kind of restraint especially under less than desirable circumstances...

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Originally posted by Merin2

Not a lot of people are able to show or have that kind of restraint especially under less than desirable circumstances...

 

Well, trust me. It wasn't easy.

 

I had to continue reminding myself of something my father said to encourage me, that a new chapter of my life was beginning, & to embrace the change as an opportunity rather than a detriment.

 

Father & I have both been military officers, and I recall continually needing to push and motivate troops in adverse situations. Pop was doing the same thing to me then.

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Your attorney is your best & only friend in the courtroom, limit your communication to the attorney & to the judge. And when you speak to the judge, keep the answers as short as possible. "Yes, your honor/No, your honor" as much as you can.

 

I cannot overemphasize this. You MUST remain calm & maintain decorum in the courtroom. The judge can find you in contempt of court if you are argumentative, confrontational or otherwise disruptive. With everything else going on, a fine and/or a stint in jail is the last thing you need.

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reservoirdog1

Believe me, I know all about courtoom decorum -- I'm a lawyer. (After all this crap, however, I'm glad I don't practice family law.) And from a personal perspective, I have no intention of making a scene; frankly, I'd rather it was conducted purely like a business formality. What I'm really wondering about is in the hallway afterwards. I imagine TBXWW will cry, and I'm just hoping I won't -- like I said, the marriage ended a year ago in all but law. I just don't want things to be excessively mushy. My question was really just about others' experiences in that regard.

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Originally posted by reservoirdog1

Believe me, I know all about courtoom decorum -- I'm a lawyer. (After all this crap, however, I'm glad I don't practice family law.)

 

I'm sorry. I should have looked at your profile earlier.

 

I remember when I went to Family Court (Something of a misnomer, don't you think?), I was greeted at the entrance by a metal detector & several very burly deputy sheriffs. I also recall seeing upset, crying children, & a number of women showing signs of physcial injury.

 

Undoubtedly one of the most depressing places I have ever been. I believe I would rather have been at the mortuary making funeral arrangements!

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reservoirdog1
Family Court (Something of a misnomer, don't you think?)

 

Jeez, tell me about it... I've always wondered why it's called "family law" when it deals almost exclusively with families being torn in half. More like "anti-family law".

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