Domestic violence

[texas143]

We have been married for 5 years now. In the beginning I was very controlling, and we used to have physical fights every once in a while, Where in the heat of the moment I did hit her a few time (i am very ashamed of the fact).

As time passed, I learned to not do that anymore, but our fighting kept happening, and she would hit me and I would only try to hold her in order to make her stop. But even that sometimes resulted in her getting hurt (grabbing too hard, twisting an arm...).

Now our fighting got BAD. I am just letting her hit, dont even try to hold her. I think that made her more mad at me, she started breaking things, choking me, etc...

4 weeks ago police came to the house twice, called by me, on the first time, she chased me with a knife, but no one was hurt so the cops took me to a hotel. Next day, she bit me so hard on the back that when he saw the marks, he arrested her. On this night she went too far but during our fight i did hit her a couple time, she enraged me way too much.

She keeps telling me that the cops asked about her bruises and I would have also gone to jail if she said I hit her too. I'm not sure if that conversation actually happened.

About her bruises I have to say: She is currently going through some eating disorder bc of her current messed up life, so she bruises from everything. Including when she hits me.

Yesterday she choked me until I passed out and when she let me off, I fell and hit my head on the tile floor. I'm not sure which one caused me to pass out. She said I hit her in the face before I fell. It is possible, as my last attempt to set myself free, but I have no memory of that.

 

I want yall to tell me if I am a bad person. She keeps saying I am a bad person and she is just acting out on her sadness.

 

thanks for reading

[M30USA]

We have been married for 5 years now. In the beginning I was very controlling, and we used to have physical fights every once in a while, Where in the heat of the moment I did hit her a few time (i am very ashamed of the fact).

As time passed, I learned to not do that anymore, but our fighting kept happening, and she would hit me and I would only try to hold her in order to make her stop. But even that sometimes resulted in her getting hurt (grabbing too hard, twisting an arm...).

Now our fighting got BAD. I am just letting her hit, dont even try to hold her. I think that made her more mad at me, she started breaking things, choking me, etc...

4 weeks ago police came to the house twice, called by me, on the first time, she chased me with a knife, but no one was hurt so the cops took me to a hotel. Next day, she bit me so hard on the back that when he saw the marks, he arrested her. On this night she went too far but during our fight i did hit her a couple time, she enraged me way too much.

She keeps telling me that the cops asked about her bruises and I would have also gone to jail if she said I hit her too. I'm not sure if that conversation actually happened.

About her bruises I have to say: She is currently going through some eating disorder bc of her current messed up life, so she bruises from everything. Including when she hits me.

Yesterday she choked me until I passed out and when she let me off, I fell and hit my head on the tile floor. I'm not sure which one caused me to pass out. She said I hit her in the face before I fell. It is possible, as my last attempt to set myself free, but I have no memory of that.

 

I want yall to tell me if I am a bad person. She keeps saying I am a bad person and she is just acting out on her sadness.

 

thanks for reading

 

I'm not going to sugar coat this. You both have some serious problems. I'm pretty sure everyone on LS will agree. My advice would be to stay out of any relationship, including with her, until you've had therapy. Sorry, you asked for the truth.

[bathtub-row]

You need to get away from this psycho as fast as your legs, car, bike, whatever, can carry you. This is a 100% hopeless, screwed up, toxic relationship in every sense of the word.

 

Leave. Now. Don't look back.

[Candy_Pants]

You're in a mutually abusive relationship. And even worse, in denial about *how* and *why* and *who's fault*.

 

Did the court put either of you in DV classes? Anger Management? Even if you choose not to be in the relationship, you certainly should go to one or both of these classes as this mentality will follow you around regardless of the person you're with.

[Ronni_W]

I want yall to tell me if I am a bad person. She keeps saying I am a bad person and she is just acting out on her sadness.

The assessment/judgment on whether you are a "bad" person or a "good" person is not so important at all.

 

But. If you do not take yourself out of this destructive, self-destructive situation AND get proper help for your uncontrollable violent tendencies, and to learn how to properly manage your own actions and reactive emotions...that would make you a stupid person.

 

You both bring out the very worst in each other. Whatever BS excuses she is telling herself and giving to you for her part in that, is her own business. But how are you justifying living like this, to yourself?

[amaysngrace]

I can only hope that you are too busy trying to kill each other to try and start a family...

[texas143]

The assessment/judgment on whether you are a "bad" person or a "good" person is not so important at all.

 

But. If you do not take yourself out of this destructive, self-destructive situation AND get proper help for your uncontrollable violent tendencies, and to learn how to properly manage your own actions and reactive emotions...that would make you a stupid person.

 

You both bring out the very worst in each other. Whatever BS excuses she is telling herself and giving to you for her part in that, is her own business. But how are you justifying living like this, to yourself?

 

I dont think I have uncontrollable violent tendencies, I think after being beat up a lot it is normal to get angry. She has been hitting me a lot, chocking me, overspanking the kids... its horrible.

Anyways, Im looking into anger management programs. I need to be im my best to raise my kids alone.

[Angry75]

I dont think I have uncontrollable violent tendencies, I think after being beat up a lot it is normal to get angry. She has been hitting me a lot, chocking me, overspanking the kids... its horrible.

Anyways, Im looking into anger management programs. I need to be im my best to raise my kids alone.

 

Good god!! You both need therapy and LOTS of it! I don't know if I would say your a bad person but def in need of serious help and medication! You need to separate and work on getting your anger under control (the both of you)!!! IF you want to stay in the marriage. What on gods green earth are you fighting about for things to get so violent?

[Yasuandio]

Pent up anger. This is how people get killed. Sometimes, accidentially. Better get outta there. Y

[texas143]

Good god!! You both need therapy and LOTS of it! I don't know if I would say your a bad person but def in need of serious help and medication! You need to separate and work on getting your anger under control (the both of you)!!! IF you want to stay in the marriage. What on gods green earth are you fighting about for things to get so violent?

 

I have no intention to stay married. When I start a fight is over she staying out late with her affair. Our fights starts with any disagreement. If I don't give in any say she is right and Im sorry for upsetting you, she gets angrier and angrier until the starts throwing things, pushing my head into the doors and walls, and finally biting (really hard), scratching my face with her nails (deep) or chocking me.

I have anger issues. She has psychopathic behavior.

[Angry75]

In another post, you mentioned that you are swingers and she had asked you if it were ok to have relations with a married man from the biker bar you frequent. You can hardly call that an affair since this was your wish and you agreed to it. Just get out, get divorced and get help. How on earth did you come to have children together with all this violence and hatred?

[texas143]

In another post, you mentioned that you are swingers and she had asked you if it were ok to have relations with a married man from the biker bar you frequent. You can hardly call that an affair since this was your wish and you agreed to it. Just get out, get divorced and get help. How on earth did you come to have children together with all this violence and hatred?

 

That is far behind. We stopped that, and then she started seeing another person.

[Zahara]

Good god. There are kids in the picture.

 

I'm just visualizing children being witness to their parents trying to kill each other and all the other toxic behavior.

 

My parents would brutalize each other this way. All it did was f*** the kids up mentally and emotionally.

 

It just burns me to see grown adults having no damn sense because they're so busy tearing each other apart, selfishly focused on themselves and their own mess that they have no clue how it's affecting those around them.