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Thoughts on new GF watching my kids


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Hope4thefuture

My STBX has been seeing someone since March. That is not what bothers me. On his weekends with the kids, he is with her too. It took some getting used to. To be honest it still hurts me a little that he moved on so quickly, but that would be a different thread. My boys were introduced to her in March as well. They have probably done things with a total of 5-10 times. My STBX will leave my kids alone with her for short amounts of time. Let's say about an hour at the most. I know that when he has the kids he will do things with them and her. That is fine with me. I am not sure I like her watching them alone yet. I know what he does with her is none of my business. But when it involves my kids I think it is my business. Am I just insecure and overreacting here?

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bubbaganoosh

What you described is what makes you a Mom and a parent. How is your husband with the kids? Is he a good Dad? A responsible man?

 

You know him better than we do and if he's a good dad and responsible parent, then I'm sure that before he would leave his kids with her, there would be trust that she isn't going to do any harm to them or not watch them.

 

In all honesty, you have some jealousy and that's normal but don't blow it out of proportion. Not to mention like all kids, they have big mouths and if anything would need to be told, it will come from a kids mouth. I have kids too and "Out of the mouths of babes".

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I know what he does with her is none of my business. But when it involves my kids I think it is my business. Am I just insecure and overreacting here?

Sad but true fact of divorce is that, unless this veers into child endangerment, you're out of the decision-making loop.

 

Is your relationship with him such that you can make a "I won't if you won't" deal :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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Hope4thefuture

He can be responsible at times. However there are times that he doesn't pay attention to them. He will be on his phone and let them do what they want at his house. Not as many rules.

 

I get that it is not my place anymore to ask him to do something or not do something. And so far I haven't. I am not dating right now. Not quite ready. If the situation was reversed I don't think I would leave them alone yet w/a significant other. I think it wouldn't bother me as much if it was at his apartment, but he is leaving them in a very busy place with her. They went to an amusement park.

 

Maybe if they were seeing each other for a longer period of time, I might be better with it. My boys still don't feel comfortable with her yet. I would feel better if they did things together as a "family" at this point. Down the road, then she can watch them.

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Hope4thefuture...your feelings are natural and to be expected...it's not an overreaction but yes it does point to a potential insecurity.

If you can look at it from a "what's-best-for-my-kids?" perspective, then it is about how she treats them and if she is a positive force in their lives.

 

For your kids' sake, hope-wish that she is -- and that your ex's future g/f's are. If the kids are having fun with her, learning stuff from her...then for the kids it is a really good thing. For the "not included" parent, yes, it's a bitter pill. But your ex will go through the same thing as you are now...when you start dating to the extent that your kids are being influenced or there is a potential for them to be influenced by your new guy.

 

Since they are not yet comfortable with this arrangement then it is your duty, responsibility to share their feelings with their Dad...or give them the 'okay' and courage to tell their Dad how they feel (depending on their ages).

 

It's tough and it sucks.

Hugs.

Edited by Ronni_W
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