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It Still Hurts Sometimes


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ShannonBanana

I feel like I've done a fairly decent job of moving on since STBXH informed me of the decision to divorce. I was devastated but healed a lot. It's been 10 months and it still sometimes hurts to think about the new life he is sharing with his girlfriend instead of me.

 

I know I am better off without him and I despise the man for his cruelty and selfishness. But sometimes it still bums me out. I feel bummed we aren't sharing the life we both worked hard for. I am bummed that it was all for naught. I am bummed he was just so incapable of seeing himself as anything else other than a victim. I am bummed to no longer have my husband, the husband I thought he was. I am bummed that his true character came to light and how disappointing that character was. I am bummed that I know that his new lady is living the life I helped build with him. I feel like she's living the life I worked hard and sacrificed to achieve with him.

 

Oh, the sadness is still there even though it hasn't reared it's head in a while. There are wonderful, loving men in my life now...so I will keep thinking about them instead of what used to be and the things I could not change.

Edited by ShannonBanana
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Yeah. I'm feeling kind of moody-broody lately too. It's been a little over a year.

 

My therapist asked me if I felt sad and I summed it up when I said, "I"m sad my life turned out this way, but I don't want that relationship back."

 

Sometimes, I can try to think about the brighter future I can have. I can work hard, save my money, raise my kid, and not have to worry about someone tearing me down or undoing everything I've worked for. But these last few days, the loneliness got to me. I tried to get out more and socialize with friends last weekend, but with everyone in apparently loving marriages showing up together, it made me look at my life and it feels so hard to bear. People tell me I'm awesome. They tell me I'm a great mom. They tell me I look amazing, that I'm strong, smart, capable, nice, funny, and all sorts of wonderful things, but it doesn't make me feel that much better because it doesn't change the fact that, right now, no one loves me.

 

I imagine this mood will pass.

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Twenty something odd years the otherside of where your at? I'm glad the XHEC put me through what she did!

 

It changed me, turned my head around! It was Hell walking through the Fire. But I kept on going until I got to the otherside ~ the Healing Fire of Mrs Gunny:s Love!

 

It was WORTH it!

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TrappedWanderer

Totally feel you guys. Couldn't have said it better myself. 6 months out and I'min a much better place (new job helped a LOT). But as I'm facing moving now for this new job, I can't help remember all the plans we had made, the future we had worked for, etc. And I'm excited, but sad too. I'd rather remember things-the good and the bad ending-then repress. That was a big part of my life and has contributed to the person I am. Of course I wish it had turned out MUCH differently, but it is what it is. Trying to think (hoping) I'm on to bigger and better, but as you said, Yarrow-hard to really accept all the well-meaning pep-talks when, right now, I'm alone.

 

Hang in there ladies!

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