betty garcia Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 [color=red][/color][font=times new roman][/font]I really don't know where to begin. I am posting this message,because I need to really talk to someone and get advice. I have been married for 26yrs and my husband decides he wants out. He' says that I have a attitude,and that I will never change. He has always been very critical about my ways and weight. There has always been a money issue in our marriage. He says that I have never really worked,and therefore everything we have is because of him and he can waste the money the way he sees fit. There really is alot more going on,but I am trying to make this short. I was already in the process of having him served for divorce,but he said he would not pay the lawyer,and forced me to drop him. He said he did not like the lawyer I had chosen,and that he would find one so we could come to an agreement. That was 3 months ago,and now he says that when he is good and ready he will file the divorce. My husband finally moved out about 2 weeks ago,and refused to pay any bills. He said when I get a job then he will start contributing for my expenses. For about a month he did not buy any groceries,and the only money he gave me was $280 in 4 months. The thing that really upsets me is that we raised our oldest grandson,and he doesn't understand what is really going on. He is always asking to see his papaw,but I don't have a good answer for him. My husband says he wants nothing to do with my older daughter,because she sided with me and nothing to do with the grandchildren. He says he wants to start new,and that means he wants to forget we ever existed. It's hard because we see him all the time,and my grandson is with me. He is the one with the attitude,but he can't see that. He is turning 50 in 2 months. thanks for listening Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 OMG Betty! Listen to me please okay?! You need to get an attorney. This isn't up to HIM! Get online and find an attorney in your area that will offer an intial free consultation, IF you have ANY credit cards together with your husband then by all means put the retainer for an attorney on the credit card. IF you don't have a credit card with him and you have no other money then apply for one, or find out about getting free legal help in your area. Once you get an attorney FILE ON THIS SORRY A&&HOLE! It doesn't matter what he wants or what he thinks is fair, my God Betty you were his wife for 26 years and raised his children, if that isn't work then I don't know what is! Trust me the courts will see it this way too. You are entitled to half of all the assets of the marriage, which is money, the house if you have one, any mutual funds or retirement 401ks ect. At least get this started Betty as you will be able to get on an emergency docet in court to have temporary orders put into place which will force your husbands greedy little hand to help you out financially. You and your husband CANNOT use the same attorney anyway, so I don't know what in the hell he was even talking about in the first place with he didn't like your attorney...... GOOD he isn't suppose to like him, jeeezz what does he think this is the second grade where we all have to get along and make nice?! He says he wants to move on and forget about his kids and his grandkids as well? Well all good Betty because even though I know this must tear you up and your children the one who will suffer and be lonely with not a damn person who cares about his sorry butt in the end is HIM. In between now and the time he meets his maker he can be even more lonely when he is missing a few of his ben franklins to help out his ex wife of 26 years! ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Author betty garcia Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 Dear Merin thanks for replying to my post. My husband has always thought that money is power,and that it can buy anyone and anything. My grandson just had a birthday recently. My daughter ,and I happen to take her kids to a restaurant,and we saw my husband pulling up to a hardware store next to where we were at. My grandson saw him and got excited,and couldn't stop asking for him. It broke my heart to see him that way so we let him go over to see him. My husband had already seen us,but acted like we were invisible. My grandson followed him into the store stayed a few minutes,and came back out. My grandson was so happy that his papaw had given him 20.00 for his birthday. I didn't say much,but I was so hurt that he just gave him the money instead of trying to spend time with him. my grandson is very bright,but when it comes to his grandfather he can't see him do no wrong. I do have alot of support even his family feels that he is wrong. I feel that I need support from other people that have been in same situation. I didn't think this could happen to me. I met him when I was 16yrs,and he was 22yrs. I was so young, innocent,and I feel that he robbed me of my youth,and all the rites of passage that I was due. For example I didn't go to my prom. I also didn't take my senior pictures. He got me pregnant when I turned 17,and he felt he was forced to marry me. I was a good student in school,and got accepted to the local college. He didn't want me to go,because I had to take care of our firtst daughter,he was jealous,and very controlling. I really had big dreams,and was very ambitious. As the marriage went on he didn't let me work,but blames me for not contributing. I know I need to get a lawyer. He put everything in his name only,except the house. Thank you fso much for your concern.[color=blue][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 http://www.lanwt.org Betty, please check out this link, it is a legal aid link for North Texas and you can contact them regarding your situation to get some financial relief in helping you attain an attorney. People like your husband just make me sick! I'm sure this is very hard on you and you feel overwhelmed and afraid. You are not alone and there are a lot of decent people who can and will help you. The only way to snap your husband into reality is to hit him where he lives, his bank account. Have no doubt in your mind Betty that Karma is a real b!tch and she hits hard!! Your husband will get whats coming to him. In the meantime, get some legal help here, take good care of yourself and sit tight. The sun will shine again tomorrow and the stars will come out every night...... take some time to sit out there and look at them Betty, and then take one of those dreams that you had so long ago, make that wish and go forward to achieve it, anything is possible and it is never to late to realize your dreams. Take care;) Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 I agree with everything Merin said. Frankly I think your life is just beginning. Be strong and good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
1money3 Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 I think you should file for divorce and get rid of that loser. Also, look into local colleges and find out about financial aid. It is never to late to get your degree. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
heartbroken&lost Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Hi Betty, I am new to this site and I just read your posting from last week, and I am very sorry for the hurt and pain you are going through. I am with my husband 12 years, married for 9 and we have 3 young boys. He too decided to walk out last December with no warning, no explanations...just a regular morning, a kiss goodbye in the driveway, and his usual, "I'll see you in a bit, love you" and off he drove to work... we had been going through some financial hardships, and that had led to alot of stress. His business was failing, we were losing our home, and he was about to lose his vehicle...but never did I think he would just up and leave me to hold the bag! I was a stay at home mom for most of the 12 years, and I worked out of the house running his office for about 3 years. We moved in 2001 and that was the downfall...and I guess I was the easy target to blame everything on. "We lost everything because I stopped answering the phones in his office"!! Also, he couldn't take my attitude either...or that of my family!! He left me and our boys and moved into a house with his friends girlfriend. The friend was in jail, and less than 2 weeks later, my husband was involved with her! Devastated doesnt even come close to what I felt, or was going through. I have never felt so alone in my life, like such a failure...he pulled my world apart in a second! He too left and stopped paying the bills, didnt buy food for his sons, didnt come see his sons for days sometimes weeks. He would make promises to them, to call, or come by, and he would be a no show. When ever he did come by, he had his "girlfriend" with him. Many months have gone by, and I could not bring myself to file papers against him! Family members are furious with me, and rightfully so I guess. They have tryed to help me, they even had to buy groceries for me, and my brother and his wife gave me money for Christmas so my boys could celebrate and have gifts under the tree. I dont think this man knows just what he's done to our family. Yet I continue to care and love this man...and I am trying to figure out why I'm so reluctant to file the papers to end this marraige./???? He asked me for a second chance, and I agreed, but he only would disappear again, to see his girlfriend. Now it seems as thou they are through, and now he tells me how sorry he is and how he cant believe how blind he was.!!! I've been through so much, and I have dug deep into my soul, and I have dealt with my issues and my "contamination" to our relationship...and it has help[ed me to realize that I am not to blame for all this...that he is being a coward and just thought I would be his easy way out...he never expected me to be the person I have chosen to be. I make no excuses for him, he was dead wrong in all that he has done. He was running from our mistakes and problems, not knowing where to start to fix things...I however, think I am holding onto this love for a man that no longer exists...the man I married is not this guy today. I'm running out of hope that he will come back. I'm so scared to make this decision because I cant imagine not having him in my life. Do I give him another chance for our childrens sake? I just dont know. I do know this thou, any man who walks out on his family because they have had enough of their attitude or what ever...they are running from something inside them!! It has nothing to do with us. They are afraid to face themselves. 26 years is such along time...and I know how you must hurt! I wish you the best, stay strong Betty...I'm sure he will realize his biggest mistake one day...hang in there! ~S~ Link to post Share on other sites
L.Carrie Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 Originally posted by heartbroken&lost I do know this thou, any man who walks out on his family because they have had enough of their attitude or what ever...they are running from something inside them!! It has nothing to do with us. They are afraid to face themselves. I must say that is the quote of the year!!!! I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I know that I am misreable since my husband left 5 weeks ago ( does seperation mean it's over, loneliness takes over post). I am lost and confused. I can't even begin to imagine how you are. I have been praying for you and hope that all is well. Please let us know. God Bless. L.Carrie Link to post Share on other sites
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