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is 12 yrs of marriage worth a guy she hasent seen in 15 yrs?

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Old 8th September 2004, 3:17 PM   #1
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Location: near seattle washington
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Unhappy is 12 yrs of marriage worth a guy she hasent seen in 15 yrs?

My wife an I have been having problems in our marriage for quite a while we have been married for 12 yrs and together for 14yrs. Late year her mother died due to cancer was quite quick actually not too much suffering i took 2 weeks off from work to go down with her to comfort her even ended up losing my job over it but i was hurt a bit by her mothers last request of me to do a better job at keeping her happy, I have really tried much harder and even gone so far as to get tips from romance sights suprizingly there easy to find guys. About 6 months ago i found out that she had got in contact with on old flame and that things were getting a bit past the ok side for a married woman to do like phone and email sex etc. I asked her to stop doing that kinda thing with this guy but she ended up going behind my back and i found out a bit later about 2 months that they were still "talking" then last month i found out that the trip she had planned to California to see her mothers area where she had grown up was in fact a trip she was planning to go see him, maybe i should mention that my wife is afraid to fly and that she had bough new matching undies for the trip. The only reason she didn't go even after i found out was that the weekend she planned to go the hurricane hit florida, lol and she wanted a sigh from god about what to do. Since then I begged her for another chance even took a really nice and expensive trip to a bed and bath for the weekend in port angeles to make her one grand jesture as she asked.

Well my point here is that her contunied contact with this guy is driving me insane, its like a cold crushing weight on my chest that i cant seem to get off. I am not sure what hurts more having her here and knowing or just letting her go, we have though about a separation and even divorce we just don't agree on the kids we have 2 together and they mean the world to both of us as does she to me. I want to be happy again but i don't see any way of doing that she says she wont break off contact with this guy and still plans a trip to see him when she can get another flight, really just want to know if I'm the one she wants or not i hate the waiting. I don't know if I'm being strung along or not it just hurts so bad. Maybe some advice would be nice please.

Thanks kindly
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Old 8th September 2004, 3:28 PM   #2
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Her head isn't very clear right now. From experience, there is no way to make clear, logical decisions in a marriage when someone else is involved.

She is having an affair with this person, albeit online. Regardless, it has a severe emotional impact on your marriage. Do a little research online, and you will quickly find that when an affair takes place----if two people want to stay together and make things work----the FIRST thing the "adulterer" must do is cut off contact with the other person....completely. Their willingness to cease contact and their remorsefulness is a good sign of whether or not they regret their actions, and want to work on the marriage.

I think you should make it clear to her that you can see why your marriage went wrong. And that you want to make things sounds like you are making valid attempts. Tell her you want a chance to make your marriage work; however, her affair with this other person is not an option. Open your heart to her so that she knows you are sincere.....don't act harsh or you may regret it later. Give it all you've got, but don't let her run over you. She will respect you more if you stand up for yourself. And, if there is a chance for the two of you, that's the only way it will work. Good luck...
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Old 8th September 2004, 10:50 PM   #3
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Thanks for the reply to my question we are gonna try a councler i am hoping he can make sence out of whats left of my marriage but i feel your right but she has "warned me about telling her to tell him to go" so maybe im just wishing in the wind.

Thanks Danezilla
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