george roy Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 The short version: Wife cheated. I served her in December. At one point, she asked if I was going to "post it all over (social network)". I told her I wasn't going to. Regardless of my attorney telling me to stay off of those sites as far as that information goes, I didn't feel that it was something I wanted to 'share' at this time. Not many on my end know about the divorce, or the reasons. Anyone in my inner circle simply know that "we're getting a divorce". Those that are REAL close (friends of mine before I met STBXW) know more details. In any case... So far the STBXW has either spoken to, texted, or private messaged (on the social network) that "he served me with divorce papers". Her most recent 'faux pas' was to a sibling of mine. Why not simply say, "We're getting a divorce." ? Now, anyone that knows me knows that I didn't just wake up one morning and say, "Hey, I've got an idea..." So what does telling these people that "He served me papers" accomplish ? I'm trying not to let it bother me, and be the 'bigger person'. But it does. Any thoughts, input, and suggestions are appreciated... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Ignore everything. Who really cares? You'll never win in the court of public perception, so just let people think what they want to think. You were there and you know how it went down. It's not really about being the bigger person....it's about putting yourself above the fray and not letting it affect you. None of the details matter. And, after you're divorced, they really don't matter. So, just ignore the noise, keep the story off social media, don't get caught up in what in-laws say, her friends, and so on. It's not worth caring about, and really not worth battling. Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Her wording suggest she is putting blame of the divorce on you. "That bad man served me with divorce papers ...how could he?" And since people do not know the truth she will gather lil troops of supporters and you will be the *******. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Say nothing. Listen to nothing. Respond to nothing. Best postion: Zip your lip. Let the Evidence Speak For Itself, period. Done and done. For you, NC and 180's. Y 6 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Ignore it. Although, if somebody wants to know details, maybe you should let 'she cheated on me' sink through and let them think of the rest, but that's not evven all-too necessary. The people you know well and know you well don't need anymore from her side to know that she's destroyed it all. I guess your STBX should consider herself lucky that you don't have friends on Facebook like me who would have written her a sweet post with an honest piece of my mind on her profile page. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Keep your eye on the ball, it's only the private divorce that matters.. the public one let her win or try to win.. youe energy should be put into the one that matters.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Keep your eye on the ball, it's only the private divorce that matters.. the public one let her win or try to win.. youe energy should be put into the one that matters.. Exactly. I took a public beating, from her side and even part of my side. Mutual friends sided with her at first. I just kept my mouth shut, and if people pried, I just told them 'it didn't work out'. I just worried about my own life. You have virtually no chance of winning publicly. Society defaults judgement to the wife. Know that going in, and don't even play the game. Focus on yourself, your new direction and new life, be a great dad, and don't worry about the sh*t-show she will likely direct. Eventually, none of it will matter. The less fuel you add to that fire, the sooner that time will come. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 If she posted that she was served divorce papers. She's trying to gather sympathy votes just in case. If someone asks you why your divorcing her, tell them to ask her why. She cheated, so she's the one who needs to give the reason. If you have the proof that she cheated, that's all you need just in case she tries to make you out as the bad guy in this. Got a feeling that she will make it out your fault so she can justify her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 Thank you ALL for the responses and encouragement... Ignore it. Although, if somebody wants to know details, maybe you should let 'she cheated on me' sink through and let them think of the rest, but that's not evven all-too necessary. The people you know well and know you well don't need anymore from her side to know that she's destroyed it all. I guess your STBX should consider herself lucky that you don't have friends on Facebook like me who would have written her a sweet post with an honest piece of my mind on her profile page. With a few of my closest friends, I've used a line I found on this forum: "We had different opinions about her boyfriend." That seems to work well It cuts through the BS and any drama the STBXW may send their way. As far as the social network posts, anyone I know that knows has been sworn to secrecy. One of the things my attorney told me was to stay off the social network sites with that sort of thing. And those that know, are those I trust to do exactly that. Keep it off those sites. Now, when all is said and done, they can have at it if they want 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 So what does telling these people that "He served me papers" accomplish ? 1. She is looking for sympathy.......which can be found between sh$# and syphilis in the dictionary for her . 2. And most important: she may be trying to draw you out. Do not play! I went through this same BS right after I filed.....I was "the bad guy". I did the same as you, told people "it just didn't work out". Stay that way! Getting into a pissing match will do nothing for you, and putting it on some dorky site like FB or Twitter is even more counter-productive. JMO 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 "We had different opinions about her boyfriend." That seems to work well I wonder what their faces looked like. Probably like "Ah so they argued... wait whut?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted February 24, 2014 Author Share Posted February 24, 2014 I wonder what their faces looked like. Probably like "Ah so they argued... wait whut?" LOL that's about it, too. "I'm so sorry" usually follows... Link to post Share on other sites
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