chris7924 Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Hey everyone Been separated from my wife now for going on eight weeks. We have been married for 3 1/2 years. The marriage hasn't gone well since day one. I haven't been a good husband at all. I haven't been there for her emotionally. Very seldom held her hand, kissed her, told her how much I loved her. I was controlling in the marriage, and I controlled the bank book too (unfairly). She tried to warn me throught the years, but things didn't change. She asked me to move out about eight weeks ago and I'm going nuts. She says she thinks of me as a friend because that's where I pushed her. I kept pushing her further and further away as time went by. I've never felt so much alone in all my life. I just recently revealed to her that I was a victim of sexual abuse (although she isn't aware of how severe). I'm really not trying to use it as an excuse, but it has really prevented me from being able to show my true feelings for her. She is the love of my life, and I truely believe that, and words can't express how bad I really feel. We have a beautiful 2 yr old who is the most absolute precious thing in our lives. I want to show her just how much I want her in my life, how much I need her, and how much I want to be a happy family together. I've made alot of mistakes. Things I'm not proud of. I'm trying to deal with this sexual abuse stuff, but it's hard when you feel like you're doing it on your own. I really wish she could be by my side, to help me through this stuff. I know sometimes crisis makes a relationship grow stronger, but I'm very confused, and I believe she is also. I know she doesn't want to hurt me, but not having her there by my side does hurt alot. I guess I'm praying that she can turn some of this around and give it another chance at romance. This week i did something stupid and really thought about taking my life. The stress has been so unbearable at times. I just don't know the right thing to say or do to help things. I feel like I'm wrong no matter what. I've always felt crappy about myself, since I was nine(age of the abuse), and being rejected by someone you need desperately right now really hits you in the heart. I can understand what she must have felt like for the last three years, but I really want to give another go at it. Link to post Share on other sites
TempSain Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Well, I just read your topic and my advice to you is to seek counselling for the both of you together and by yourself. I know that things must be tough at this time but thinking of sucide is a bit excessive. You have a beautiful daughter that is waiting for you, don't leave her behind without her ever really knowing you. You are important to her and your wife so hang in there. Keep thinking about your beautiful daughter whenever you feel that way. Give yourself hope it works. By the way, were always here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 I've never felt so much alone in all my life. I just recently revealed to her that I was a victim of sexual abuse (although she isn't aware of how severe). I'm really not trying to use it as an excuse, but it has really prevented me from being able to show my true feelings for her. She is the love of my life, and I truely believe that, and words can't express how bad I really feel. We have a beautiful 2 yr old who is the most absolute precious thing in our lives. I want to show her just how much I want her in my life, how much I need her, and how much I want to be a happy family together. I've made alot of mistakes. Things I'm not proud of. Unfortunate that you waited so long to share these things. I hope it's not too late. Definitely get into counseling. Joint would be best, but if she refuses right now, at least let her know, demostrate effort to move in the right direction. Best wishes to all of you! Link to post Share on other sites
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