how do deal with wife moving out with our 3 year old help!!!

[OWENRICH]

My wife is moving into an apartment this weekend and taking our 3 year old son. she says she loves me but is no longer in love with me. she also says i can see him anytime i want but when asked to be more concrete on the subject she wont do it. she just wont say these are your days and these are my days. She does not have a job and is using our savings that we have saved up for 6 years. and we were going to use it for his education.

She has filed any papers for divorce or separation and says that it is not over yet and wants to go to counseling. (meaning she goes by herself) she will not go to a counsler together. she went once and said it does no good. I am very concerned about our son going through all this so sudden. leaving the only house and bedroom he has ever known and not seeing me everyday like he is use to. and she also has a small problem with anger and no patience. last night he didnt want her to rock him he wanted me to and she told him to get in bed or she will tie a f--ing not in his ass.

 

I told her he didnt deserve that but she said i was just trying to be his buddy not his father. i think she is jelous that he wants to be around me all the time when i am home.

what should I do. A lawer told me not to file for divorce and i should let her make that descision first. and that there is nothing i can do to stop her from taking our son. She says he needs to live with his mother because no one can take care of him like she can and i have to work from 830 to 6 mon thru fri so i cant keep him with me.

What am i to do.

[lioness]

It's good that you finally spoke with an attorney.

she also says i can see him anytime i want but when asked to be more concrete on the subject she wont do it. she just wont say these are your days and these are my days.

 

So pick your days and tell her when you will be taking your son. It's going to be up to you to do this, don't expect her to volunteer time away from her son. And keep him overnight too, it's your right as a parent. If you have weekends off, take him all weekend long, and an evening or two during the week as well.

 

Divorce is not easy on kids at all. See if you can find a class or a counselor that will help the both of you to understand how to better meet your son's needs during this difficult time.

 

She does not have a job and is using our savings that we have saved up for 6 years.

 

She should be responsible for paying half of that back to you, if you guys do end up getting divorced, depending on your local divorce laws.

 

Good luck!

[quankanne]

I do believe that there is a standard visitation agreement that judges or lawyers refer to when a couple is getting divorced and children are involved. I know here in Texas, the non-custodial parent visits with the child one night a week (usually Wednesdays) and gets to spend every other weekend, from Friday evening to Sunday evening with that child/children.

 

If she's not wanting to commit to anything, you need to have someone point out to her that y'alls son needs to have a sense of continuity when it comes to seeing his mommy and daddy, especially now that he's leaving the only homelife he's ever known. Additionally, having a visitation agreement in effect will help guarantee that you see your child at certain times, so that if things get bad or hairy between you and your wife, that child still gets to see you during set times of the week. If she feels comfortable with you seeing him above and beyond those set times, it just gets better for your little one. All in all, you're best off trying to establish visitation immediately so that your boy doesn't lose out because his mommy has decided that she doesn't want you having access to him.

 

If your wife refuses joint counseling to try to work on your marriage/make this separation more amenable, don't let that stop you from seeking counseling yourself. Right now, you're dealing with a double whammy -- no wife, no little one at home -- and you'd benefit from the tools and knowledge you'd gain from a good counselor. It might also help you find a sense of direction as you go through this mess.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted,

quank

[Moose]

Great advice quank!!!

 

I just want to add three words:

 

DOCUMENTATION, DOCUMENTATION, DOCUMENTATION!!!!

[Mr baseball]

I can see things are looking up! She said the "C" word! That may be the best thing for your family in a long time. She said she wanted to go and that it wasnt over. This may be where she needs to start. I also think you may see your child more than you think because of her lack of patience when she is with the child. This child will ask questions that she cant answer. She will bring your child to you because she will not be able to deal with the extras. There are things that Im sure she hasnt thought of. You have been on the bench but soon you will be up to bat!