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Was it worth it? Would you do it again?


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Fruff Dulwhee

So much pain in this forum. Kudos to those who stick around to offer advice and encouragement.

 

I got out of my marriage relatively easily. I was young and broke and had nothing to lose, as far as material possessions or children.

 

Knowing how difficult it was to get out, whether you lost custody of kids or had to pay alimony or give up assets, or if you are like me and just had a lot of emotional stuff to get through, I am wondering.. would you try marriage again with someone else? Or do you now feel marriage may be an unnecessary step for you to have a long term relationship with someone.

 

I am on the fence. I am not ruling it out but I think I could get through life just fine without another marriage.

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If I find the right person I will do it again but it will be with a pre-nup. The emotional part is bad enough but I will not go through the financial crap again. It should have been very easy 50/50, but he thinks 50/50 is he gets all the assets and I get all the debt. And before I get jumped on again. I was NOT a stay at home mom. I contributed more monetarily to the marriage than he did.

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Actually I might if she had the sparks and fireworks going off in my head factor. But a legal pre-nump would have to be signed. I had to come up with a lot of cash in my last one. Left a negative taste in my mouth.

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I haven't gone through the process yet. But, to me, the bigger end goal is to be with someone you truly LOVE and vice versa. Marriage, to me, is inconsequential. Too many people focus on THAT instead of just being with that person.

 

I may very well change my mind 5 years from now. :)

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Sometimes I honestly begin to ask myself the same question. Then I get involved in another circus act of lunacy via email regarding our kids. Each time it happens it's a memory refresher.

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One thing I have learned is I will never say never. I'll just go with the flow.

 

I should qualify that the "flow" will involve a prenup as well as I will not ever be pressured into getting married again.

 

I have a daughter who will always be my #1 priority. As long as any potential new woman understands she will not take that #1 spot, then I'll just go with the "flow".

 

:p

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Hi,

 

 

All I am left thinking now am hitting the five month separated mark, and she is off out drinking and sleeping around on occasion, is was it all worth it? She still has moods (possibly bipolar but ran away from treatment).

 

What I mean is, if we weren't married would it have made a difference? One expensive day, followed by financial ruin and no rights anyway - she's moved my daughter 150 miles away too. Nothing I can do except follow wherever they may roam.

 

Would I marry again? All for a bit of romance? Perhaps, with the understanding of no more kids, and she must be independent, with years behind us - then maybe. No more getting caught up in it for me!

 

I will be more aware of what to avoid in a mate, trust me!! No more women who party, sleep around, are superficial, have moods, are self-centered, unloving and uncaring, unsupportive, cheating users, who are too "me, me, me," and think they're hard done by...

 

Seems a bit pointless though as it's just a legal document that bears no significance in reality apart from laying claim to money, assets, and children.

Edited by MrE_UK
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I am wondering.. would you try marriage again with someone else?

Not just would but did and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. The problems you read here aren't with the relationship, they're with the people involved. I didn't have a bad marriage, I was married to a bad person. Big difference.

 

Much like doubles in tennis, success in marriage is all about partner selection...

 

Mr. Lucky

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2.50 a gallon

At the breakup of my marriage, I swore that I would never let myself fall in love and marry again. Simon & Garfunkel's "I am a Rock" was my theme song, the first tune I listened to every day.

 

I did a lot of dating, but never let anybody close. 15 years later, first kiss, second date, I fell in love. I never had a chance. She was a 8 year younger out of my league looker, who had just temporarily separated from her long time live in boy friend while he left the state to clean up from drugs. I thought for sure I would eventually be road kill left in the dust.

 

We have now been together for over 18 happy years. We are not married, she like me had sworn to never marry again. And perhaps that is part of our success as both of us are aware that either of can walk away and any time. And that keeps us on our toes.

 

The best 18 years of my life

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Was it worth it?
The tuition was expensive and the course work murderous but yeah, it was worth it. On balance, having been single so long, it was a nice change.
Would you do it again?
Sure, nothing is guaranteed in life and one can't take any baggage with them at the end so it might be nice holding someone's hand when I go out. What the heck.
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