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Separated or not Separated....


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Hi everyone, my name is Joe. I've been married with my wife for 5 years, together since high school, two lovely kids, house, and military family.

 

Last deployment, my resources showed evidence she had an affair while I was gone. My wife had an experienced paranoid military friend who helped triggered her doubts in our relationship that screwed with her mind.

 

She wanted the separation after I gathered enough evidence and that she admitted she had an affair. It's been 2 difficult months, being a weekend dad and still coping with the situation.

 

I turned to the NC and lasted for one week, tried again for two weeks, and failed miserably every time I come see my kids and see her. Problem is I still love her and I would like to work things out before I move on in my life. I believe we still love each other because we still fight and have those emotional need from each other's attention.

 

What should I do at this point......we tried everything from therapy, to talking things out, it's always left unspoken and emotional arguments. It's never left determined due to being afraid of hurting one another. We are not trying to do paperwork at this time.

 

Any wisdom or advices is greatly appreciated as I am new to this site, thanks for taking the time to read my story.

 

R/

 

Joe

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I believe we still love each other because we still fight and have those emotional need from each other's attention.

Wow Joe, not sure I agree with your theory. I've fought with my ex-wife for 25 years and trust me, there's no love there :eek:. You might be over-thinking that part.

 

More information is needed. Is your wife still in contact with the OM? What does she want currently? Have you indeed been faithful, including deployments?

 

Some history will get you better feedback...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Thanks for the reply. I believe she has not contact him for a while because she has been with me for a month until she left last October. To be honest, I really don't know. She is telling me that she left because she felt she was not needed in the house anymore. She wanted separation because she wants to be by herself and not feel controlled. Currently, she has been looking for a job for almost 4 months, and trying to go to school, but no joy. I'm don't know what she really wants but I think she enjoys being independent and only needs me emotional and support for the her and the kids.

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I don't know if I'm doing this wrong, but my wife who separated from me 2 months ago, started to come back to the house and help me move. I asked for her help nicely and involved her in the decision that I was going to move on to start a better life for myself and to move closer to work. She helped me out but wasn't too sure why I was doing it. I think she was still waiting for me to realize why she left and expect me to change that fast. The NC has been broken but not because of our two kids, but also we fooled around too and acted like nothing happen while she was helping moved. It seemed like I got tricked into it but at the time feels good because I yearned for it since I got back from deployment. I know it was foolish but I couldn't help myself as well as her. I know she cheated but I was willing to let that go and move forward together but she still feels the same way, worried about getting hurt again and respecting her as a woman, not reassured in the marriage. I feel that too, why is she putting me on the pedestal? Isn't she on the pedestal too on cheating part...

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