Jump to content

Separated for 2 months, what now?


Recommended Posts

Hi, relatively new to the forum. I'm a 36 year old guy, separated 2 months ago. Wife made the decision, but I wasn't entirely happy myself. We had been together for 5 years and married for 3 and we have a 2 year old boy who I love with all my heart. I grew up in a different town from the wife and although we initially tried to live in my home town, she wanted us to move to hers where her family lived as she was miserable living away from her family and friends. I fought the good fight and moved with her and lived away from my family and friends for 3 years but I started to miss them and saw them infrequently (as I didn't drive). A combination of this and the fact that I pretty much did all the housework and looking after our son except when at work and bath times (myself up at sometimes 5am while the wife fell out of bed at 7am (we both worked) 7 days a week took its toll on our relationship. I did my best to make it work, but I think both our hearts weren't in it anymore although I was prepared to stick it out as my sons welfare was more important to me than my happiness (obviously the wife didn't feel the same).

 

My sons happiness and future will always come first, but I was wondering what I need to do next, obviously a guy has needs both emotionally and physically, but I'm not ready in the slightest for a full blown relationship and as the past few months have been really heavy and depressing, I feel I need a bit of fun to lighten things a bit for me, does anyone have suggestions or pointers and has anyone been in a similar position?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You live for your son mate. Im in a similar position with a 2 year old son. Make sure you get something sorted re seeing him regularly. We all have needs but if I could spend every day with my son I'd give all that up.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I do, but only get to see him on a sat through sun or fri through to sat. As I live a good distance away it's difficult for me to see him more than that as I'm living with my elderly father while she lives in our house that we co own. I'd love to see him more but don't drive. I'd love to learn to drive but as my father is elderly and in council accommodation, not owned, I need to sort myself out with an apartment or flat, which costs, and as I currently co own the house with my wife, I wouldn't get credit for a rental or another mortgage. Trying to get off the mortgage, but its taking a lot of time.

 

Just feel pretty down and need a pick up. Working out a lot etc to lift my mood but feel in the doldrums

Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel your pain - I've just posted what turned out to be a novel (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/414495-seperation-child-involved) but I just got lost writing and don't know what to do next neither. The way I feel I'll never trust another women again for as long as I live...it's not worth the potential heartache.

 

What gets me most of all is that I know and you hear of so many fathers who don't care about their kids or family. I've done everything possible since the very start and still it's not enough - I've been in bad relationships and ours wasn't one of them...we had trust and we loved eachother but the baby changed her. The breakup itself I can handle because it's became an impossible situation - I've told her that all I want is one thing, goes without saying really and that's to see my baby girl. In my eyes her not seeing me regular is damaging her but my ex is adamant that she needs 'time to settle'...it's destroying me and I'm sure she's just protecting her own emotions, which is so selfish.

 

I just keep saying to myself, things can only get better - but it's taking a long time coming. Fingers crossed for us all guys

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

It is hard mate, in trying to see the little fella each nite before he goes to bed via FaceTime on the iPhone, not ideal but better than nothing, I just need hope that he won't forget me or that the wife's eventual new boyfriend won't take his place in my heart. I don't really love the ex anymore and I think I've sort of known that in my heart for months now. I just don't want to end up on my own as at 36, I'm worried I'm knocking on a bit. My son will alway come first in my heart and actions, but man can't live by bread alone and I'd like eventually to have a companion on the way. Not ready for a full on relationship but a bit of fun when I'm not seeing my little boy wouldn't go a miss

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

What I'm struggling with is the quiet moments, when you get such a feeling of hopelessness and pointlessness, it feels like things are moving far too slowly, ideally I'd like to get my name off the wife and I's joint mortgage, then either save up for a deposit for a private let or save up for a deposit to buy myself a one or two bedroom flat. Living at my elderly father is one thing, but I have to constantly keep up with hygiene issues, whereas if I had my own place, it would be a lot easier to keep the place clean for junior when he comes to stay. Plus, one day I'd like a relationship, but taking a woman back to my dads at the age of 36, isn't an ideal option.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...