M30USA Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Anyone else ever find that your ex-MIL is routinely getting involved with phonecalls to your children when your ex calls to speak with them? Not only does my ex call them daily (which my family counselor advises agsinst) but my ex-MIL manages to weasel into the talks routinely. I understand regular communication with direct parents, but I think her mom--as always--does not know boundaries because my understanding is that these court-ordered phonecalls are meant for direct parents. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Anyone else ever find that your ex-MIL is routinely getting involved with phonecalls to your children when your ex calls to speak with them? Not only does my ex call them daily (which my family counselor advises agsinst) but my ex-MIL manages to weasel into the talks routinely. I understand regular communication with direct parents, but I think her mom--as always--does not know boundaries because my understanding is that these court-ordered phonecalls are meant for direct parents. First and foremost....why would your family counselor advise against a parent wanting contact with their children? You speak of direct parents, and please don't bring up her abuse against you again, but unless she ever abused the kids why shouldn't she call them daily? They are children who have two parents...should she just go away and never care about them again because of your past and what your counselor advises? It's a shame you can't read between the lines of your own posts. Your kids need to learn to live above abuse and control, but forcing her communication with the children to be on your terms...that's control...and just as abusive. Perhaps you and your wife need to let go so your children can live beyond that? I'm sure I am reading too much into your post and you will correct me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 First and foremost....why would your family counselor advise against a parent wanting contact with their children? You speak of direct parents, and please don't bring up her abuse against you again, but unless she ever abused the kids why shouldn't she call them daily? They are children who have two parents...should she just go away and never care about them again because of your past and what your counselor advises? It's a shame you can't read between the lines of your own posts. Your kids need to learn to live above abuse and control, but forcing her communication with the children to be on your terms...that's control...and just as abusive. Perhaps you and your wife need to let go so your children can live beyond that? I'm sure I am reading too much into your post and you will correct me. My counselor said daily calls for 2 weeks straight on between periods of possession is a little much since it doesn't allow the children to "be where they are without feeling constantly reminded that they can't see the other parent that day". I was calling daily until I took the advice of this counselor (as well as lawyer) then I cut it down to 3x/week. As for the ex-MIL being involved in phone calls routinely, I guess nobody can understand on this thread because you haven't seen years of invasive behavior. So I guess I rest my case in that area. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 My counselor said daily calls for 2 weeks straight on between periods of possession is a little much since it doesn't allow the children to "be where they are without feeling constantly reminded that they can't see the other parent that day". I was calling daily until I took the advice of this counselor (as well as lawyer) then I cut it down to 3x/week. As for the ex-MIL being involved in phone calls routinely, I guess nobody can understand on this thread because you haven't seen years of invasive behavior. So I guess I rest my case in that area. MIL's..I deleted the paragraph of mine..she was a soul-sucking, 15 times married social security sucking whore...died of brain cancer at 50 and neither of her sons came to her funeral. Every time she bitched about me to my exH's second wife and I was informed about how much she hated me.....I felt like Sookie at a True Blood fang-fest!! She was a money-grubber and told her son to abandon me and his daughter because my dad had tax problems. He made a lot of money at that time and an owner died mid year, his son didn't file the proper papers...I learned the morals and values of my ExH's side of the family..the hard way..and so did his daughter. Do that for 9 years and then get back to me. I'll correct one thing your counselor designated....children aren't possessions nor should they ever be treated as such. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) From as outsider's viewpoint, why wouldn't it be the best world for kids to have contact with as many relatives as possible, whenever possible? If Grandma wants to call the Grand kids everyday, and the kids enjoy chatting with Grandma - what the heck is wrong with that? We live in an age where we have cell phones, and free long distance service. Even youngsters have their own cell phones and text plans - it is the wave of the future! Your "situation" (that you seem to think is a negative) I wonder myself, as a young girl, what it would have been like if I could havve chatted with my Grandma on a daily basis on a cell phone? Of course that wasn't possible when I was growing up - and Grandma lived many states away. We seldom had the luxury to have an expensive long-distance telephone call. And very few visits when I was growing up. I would have loved to have grown up having the chance to talk to my Grandma everyday! Why not apply wisdom to the situation, Mr. USA? Try to see the benefits of the "situation," rather than spinning it as something terrible. Really, it is not something so bad as your making it out to be. You "come off" as all stressed out and bent out of shape over an interaction/bonding between the kids and MIL that you could actually encourage rather than find fault with. Furthermore - did that ever occur to you that you might be sending out bad vibes to the children, causing them confusion? I would take that under serious consideration. Yas Edited August 1, 2013 by Yasuandio 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Honestly...I don't think anyone will get through to M30, he's too busy looking for blame, looking for justification and validation.....and that has moved way beyond the damage of a 2x4. I truly feel sorry for your kids, they will never know security...even women move beyond this (abuse) because they put their kids first. No, I don't know your wife and has nothing to do with her..but one of you need to be the strong parent which means making sacrifices...being a parent is NOT all about YOU. You ask any single parent woman today how they raised their kids...they will say, with patience, gratitude, fortitude and forgiveness. If you cant' do that..those things above.....then they need to be with someone who can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 Honestly...I don't think anyone will get through to M30, he's too busy looking for blame, looking for justification and validation.....and that has moved way beyond the damage of a 2x4. I truly feel sorry for your kids, they will never know security...even women move beyond this (abuse) because they put their kids first. No, I don't know your wife and has nothing to do with her..but one of you need to be the strong parent which means making sacrifices...being a parent is NOT all about YOU. You ask any single parent woman today how they raised their kids...they will say, with patience, gratitude, fortitude and forgiveness. If you cant' do that..those things above.....then they need to be with someone who can. My professional counselor thinks I'm doing well and raising my children well. God bless. Link to post Share on other sites
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