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Wake Up! Try Not To Be An Idiot!


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Wake up, try not to be an idiot! That is what I am telling myself, still, at this moment in time, can you all believe that?

 

I am so thankful to the entire community of LS for the tremendous council I have received on our site. Also, I am so happy the LS moderators "pinned" a place for us to post our readings that have provided such critical insight on divorce and separation.

 

I regret to report, though, "Critical Readings" are not enough to cure your problems, my friends, and I am so suffering still, with the insane fall-out of a four year protracted and contentenous divorce (style of which was not of my choosing) finalized September 2012.

 

I actually decided to reveal my image the other night, ha-ha! That is really weird move for me - as I have been a "recluse" for some years more than a decade. This girl, who is a darn tough trooper, has tears in her eyes for the first time, horendously high blood pressure, anger manangement problems, AND was in the ER a couple days ago with chest pain. I didn't want to go there, but I listened exactly to my Doctor. Everything is under control - but, I need to calm down.

 

What I'm trying to say here, is, this chest pain thing that has emerged, is frightening me, big time. I am fortunent to have outstanding medical care. Tests are all scheduled for this coming week. And every doctor is involved (psychiatrist, psychologist, as well -- as some of you guys know that I have bi-polar, severe anxiety, paranoia, etc., and am a disabled person).

 

But for you "newbies" - - I'd like you guys to ask yourselves: "do you want to end up with chest pains and hypertension issues (or other mental or physical health problems) in the future that could develop or be exasparated by a dysfunctional or problematic marital situation?"

 

I think that is a pretty good question to think about if you are new to the site. As, when I first became an LS member a few years back, if I knew then what I know now - I would have perceived things much differently, and have made many different choices. But - I only started "getting it" really, about last April, after Homer McDonald got done with me on the telephone - and he was VERY DIRECT. Everything seemed to click that day.

 

But - even though I made tremendous progress, after my 28 year marriage was desolved last year, it ain't finished, by far. Actually, my personal divorce fall-out, ten months after: I am just beginning to comprehend some serious financial disasters taking place - that seem to be esculating. The cows are coming home to roost.

 

Furthermore, within recent days (concurrent with my hypertension delimma), I have observed the most antagonizingly, post-hoc legal blunders of a second attorney I hired to clean-up a mess I have with the old divorce attorney, and also to collect my Awards from the Ex Little Nazi.

 

It is overwhelming me my bi-polar desease. And I gotta get a grip. I am about to go absolutely MAD with last weeks events. Basically - my second attorney didn't do his job. And I am in a lot of trouble now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

OK. BEFORE, I was doing extremely well coping with the divorce, and even beginning to do some coffee dates, and leave the house some. I was feeling good again, and happy. I was not thinking about the Ex Lil' Nazi at all. I even decided to forget about the money he owed - it wasn't even worth the drama. I was driving with the top down on my convertable. Coming outta my "recluse shell" so to speak! Now -- two well-known Divorce and Separation cunumdrums are causing me to backslide:

 

1. No Contact

 

I also learned last week "Interest-Only" mortgage on the rental home I own suddenly "Re-amortorized" (per a ten year agreement). Bottom line, the payment has more than trippled. I didn't budget for that amount this month - and was desparate. I broke NO CONTACT and left a message for Ex Lil' Nazi to call me as I was "in a pinch." (Please note, newbies, just like all the materials say, I am all psyched out again, and back to day one, after 7 good months of NC).

 

2. Mind-Reading

 

Last June 1, I happened to notice, just by accident, that Ex Lil' Nazi did a "drive-by." I was chatting with some Fed Ex men outside my front door who had just made a delivery to my house - and, there he was, diving by, in his big Mercedes. I really even didn't care, and forgot about it. But now, that I am under financial, health and legal problems - (and BROKE NC) - I am in "Mind-Reading" mode again:

 

--"What did that drive-by mean last June?"

 

--"Does one drive-by mean other drives-by's have been happening?"

 

--Then puckist Mind-Reading of all: "Does it mean he still cares about me?"

 

Gag, gag, and gag. I need some help - I'm backsliding.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK, Here are the probable facts:

 

Ex Lil' Nazi never returned my call. And he knows what the problem is. When I discussed the "re-amortorization: with the mortgage company last weekend, I learned they had his phone number on their system. That is why I was not receiving any calls about the late payment. I never heard of that phone number either - but it is his.

 

FACT: Ex Lil' Nazi DOESN'T CARE.

FACT: Ex Lil' Nazi MAY ENJOY KNOWING I AM IN FINANCIAL TROUBLE.

 

FACT: Ex Lil' Nazi DRIVE-BY MEANS HE MISSES HIS PROPERTY (he's refused to sign the Court order documents to formally sign over the houses to me. We have sent the papers three times - he just ignores. It's all about the house, he doesn't like lossing the marital home, - nothing to do with "me.")

 

LS - Is this a correct interpretation? What's happening here? If he wants a total break from me -- why wont he finalize the papers to sign over my properties to me? Why keep these strings attached? Why drive-by? Why not make a clean break? Why keep connections? Why have a new phone number that the mortage company gave me access to? Why? That was the last thing I ever wanted.

 

I have to get control of my thought processes, and physical sleeping habits, and anger manangement issues in order to restore a normal blood pressure. I also have to handle a lot of Pro Se paperwork -- so I need to be able to think straight to accomplish that. In order to think straight so I may focus on paperwork, I need to comprehend what is happening to me.

 

Therefore it may be a good idea for me to stop being withdrawn about starting a thread on my personal problems with this divorce. These issues are freaking me out now. Yas is losing it. She is pushing submit before changing her mind again.

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I did some work today on the "Critical Reading" thread - and got a little review of DivorceBusting at the same time, but I guess it is a little late for that, haha). I was really trying to look up a formal definition of the term "Mindreading" for my posting, but couldn't find one of Michelle's site - although they throw the word around all the time. That project, as well as answering a few LS posts today kept me busy - and slow to anger. But I did not get any of the "Pro Se" legal work done that I need to do.

 

Also, I did better on my BP thoughout this day. Really, this personal post has been on my computer for about four days - me trying to get the nerve to post it. My head is really hurting though - a migraine I suppose coming on from the worries. I did manage to get some food in the house, and some doggie treats.

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On another subject....

 

Maybe I will need to take my photo down - cause I seem to be the only one putting up articles on the "Critical Readings" thread, looks like I'm trying to show off there or something. I wish you guys would post something with a consistent format like this:

 

1. Subject Line Topic

2. 250 Words or Less of your personal blog-blog.

3. The Actual Link to the Cite, for your reference, or article.

4. Basically - That's it, nothing else. No commentary, or opinions, no pat on back, nothing.

 

I'd love to have some of Tara's Kisses on there so bad. Trippi, my girl, I know you have tons of stuff, pretty please, make an entry! Certainly WrongGoneWrong has an link to post, but, I guess he's busy right now. And Gunny? Promises, promises. Come on you guys.

 

OK, I try to keep my head out of the "mind-reading" thing by talking to you right now. I hope that was ok - I guess this is how we do this kinda post. I know I'm gonna have ants in my pants by the time it gets dark. I'm already talking to myself. Yas

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Posting Mania, a little weirded out. That's all.
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OK. I just wrote a big post on "gaslighting" in our Critical Readings thread. I think I am pretty much an expert on that topic by now. I even know how to gaslight myself!

 

Bur seriously, - I got a little concerned about "knowing too much" when I came across a U-Tube starring an author that was very familiar to me, Dr. Sam Vatkin. He was providing his expertise on Gaslighting, and, of course, he is like the perfect person to do that. Man, I was shocked - he looks like Mr. Ed!

 

It took me over two years to digest his book (or autobiography) on Narcissism:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Malignant-Self-Love-Narcissism-Sam-Vaknin/dp/8023833847

 

I guess everyone is doing a Bar-B-Que or something today. We got rain in ATL. Yas

 

PS Still cannot face those legal papers. Oh dear.

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LS - Is this a correct interpretation? What's happening here? If he wants a total break from me -- why wont he finalize the papers to sign over my properties to me? Why keep these strings attached? Why drive-by? Why not make a clean break? Why keep connections? Why have a new phone number that the mortage company gave me access to? Why? That was the last thing I ever wanted.

 

I have to get control of my thought processes, and physical sleeping habits, and anger manangement issues in order to restore a normal blood pressure. I also have to handle a lot of Pro Se paperwork -- so I need to be able to think straight to accomplish that. In order to think straight so I may focus on paperwork, I need to comprehend what is happening to me.

 

Therefore it may be a good idea for me to stop being withdrawn about starting a thread on my personal problems with this divorce. These issues are freaking me out now. Yas is losing it. She is pushing submit before changing her mind again.

 

Yas, one of the major traps that are oh so easy to fall into, is that we can understand what they are thinking. If only we read enough posts, lectures, self help books etc. Its an illusion, a myth, something we do to make ourselves feel like we are in some sort of control of the situation.... yet if the act of simply driving past your house has that effect, how much control do you really have?

 

Those days remain fresh in my mind Yas, I can remember being online dissecting everything move my ex made. Every once in awhile I still do. For all of your questions Yas, before seeking the answers, ask yourself what knowing that answer would do for you. Would it give you peace? Would it help the financial situation he has put you in? Or would it lead to more questions to gnaw at your mind?

 

Why did he drive by?>>> because he misses the house.>>>>why does he miss the house?>>> because of all the memories here?>>>why would he miss those?

 

That is just one possible chain of thought that if you allowed it could go on forever, and no answer would ever satisfy you without probing deeper.

 

If you knew why he drove by the house, would it improve your well being? NO! So why waste your energy seeking out an answer that your never going to accept fully unless it comes from his lips? If even then.

 

KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON THE SITUATION AT HAND!

Fact: aside from the business and financials of divorce, Ex lil Nazi's actions only effect you as much as you CHOOSE to allow.

 

TOJAZ

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Hi Sweetie, you are doing such a great job there not sure what else to post. Have thought about posting some articles on healing...not sure if they are appropriate for here as well as the abuse forum though. Will put them on later and if they get moved...that's fine too.

 

Keep up the great work, very proud of you and your contributions there. :)

 

PS - no more mind-reading the ex...you know there is no way to make sense of "stupid". Hugs!!

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tryingtoevolve

Yas,

I just want to tell you that this site has been a blessing for me during my separation and soon to be divorce proceedings. I read and read posts in Coping and Sep. and Divorce here. I just want to tell you how much I have appreciated your advice and words on this forum. I am truly rooting for you and wish you the very best. It broke my heart a little to hear that you are struggling. I have had my own set backs and an onslaught of questions today about my ex, and found this post while trying to make sense of my situation. I sincerely want you to know how valuable your words have been to me. You and the others here have gotten me through my darkest hours and sleepless nights. Although you are hurting, as most of us are, I want you to know you have purpose here. And your struggle has helped me cope with my own. Thank you.:love:

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Yas,

I have read many of your posts, starting with the great nack and forth stuff from WorldGoneWrong's epic saga. Always curious of your take on my story...

 

After reading what I've read here I get this horrible feeling... I almost didn't post this because I don't want to sound crass... if you were someone I knew well, I would really suggest getting laid... you are under a lot of pressure and you are backsliding into thinking of your horrid ex...

 

I'm sure there will be disagreements on this, but it could be a bandaid to get you past this speedbump.

 

Just my 2©

Dan

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Side note...

 

Always pictured you as a little asian lady from the name :)

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Yas-

Sorry to hear about the backsliding. Does that mean I'm in for another couple of years? :confused: I just signed my papers today and, wow, did it hit me hard! I think you have a good mindset. Your doing all the right things. I'd be feeling the same if my stbx was driving by my place. Unfortunately, he's just coming to pick up the kids and drop off my divorce papers.

 

I'm very sorry to hear of the hospital visit. Hope the anxiety calms soon.

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Quick post to say I was too honored by the posts you all left for me. Tojaz, you really shifted my paradigm, and I am still processing that very important post.

 

I had to do Mrs. S.'s post cause I was getting really ticked about that guy. So I let you guys know I had couple days with doctor's. And taking care of myself - trying to be calm and new medicine for BP. And another kinda test coming soon. It is too much and scarey, but better getting good and scared, rather than ending up with a heart attack. Irish hot-head is too gorgeous to let that happen. Kisses. Yas

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You guys may not like me after you hear what I'm doing. No more kissy-kissy (leaving a message that I'm in a pinch!). I want to puke. Especially knowing he sends one of my payments over to that divorce ATTORNEY of mine - just to be mean. And here I am, too tight to afford some meds. Third nit oatmeal (that's ok, oatmeal is good for ya).

 

Well, I left a different type of texty-wexty today. I have a rather nice family heirloom his Mother gave me. A huge, sold 24 karat Gold coin pendant. It's worth on the auction market is about $1000 right now. But apparently, his mother loved me enough to give it to me - it is a 1960 coin.

 

I took a text photo of the family heirloom, and offered it to him for $2500, cash, firm. I would send a friend over to conduct transaction, and he could text if interested. Otherwise, it goes up on live auction Sunday. Period, end of story.

 

Now, is that mean or what? I'm dead serious. What do I want this hidious pendant for? His Greek Mama hasn't called me in all these years. I have a notion to also see every dang hand embroidered and crocheted blankets and doilies in my collection she made also. I bet I can get thousands for them. I have a totally differnt style now. What do I care about these traditional Greek arts?

 

This attitude is so like I used to be in the 80's. I charged him for everything. He slept over half the week, I would tally up what he owed me in rent. That little shyt didn't get away with eating a chicken leg without me putting it on his tab. Welcome back to the old days for the lil' Nazi. Maybe that is all he understands is the workings of a Military Government - the homeland of his early youth. Where the Greek police busted his head with clubs whenever he was out after curfew (this is one reason I had such empathy for him - all those bumps on his bald head). It is $2500 cash or forget it. All i care about is my money right now. (I have had a lot of sleep, finially, and have come out of the mania today, it appears). Have a good evening you guys. Don't hate me. Yas

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All i care about is my money right now.

 

You sure about that Yas?

 

This is a very personal move, don't try and play his game. It doesn't suit you, and even if he pays, I doubt you will get the reaction your looking for. Go read my last post again.

 

TOJAZ

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You sure about that Yas?

 

This is a very personal move, don't try and play his game. It doesn't suit you, and even if he pays, I doubt you will get the reaction your looking for. Go read my last post again.

 

TOJAZ

 

I will read and read your post, Tojaz, again, and again.. But your post tells me to "let go" and think of myself. I need some money like now. Gold sells fast and easy. I feel no attachment whatsoever to his Mother's heirloom, that may actually be a good sign here. If I can get a quick profit off the "sentiment" attached to the piece, I'll take it.

 

But if a transaction occurs, there will be a middle person handling it. I do not want to see him. And I sure would not even want him to see me under stress when I have not been well. There is no ulterior motive other than to get a large sum of money, rather than cash out a retirement check.

 

That, I tend to get "oochie-goochie" when I am in trouble or under stress, I realize that. But I also realized another thing this week. He cares more about me than I do about him. I would never in a million years drive by any place where he is. I hang out now 10 miles away from my neighborhood to prevent those "accidental" encounters where he just happens to be coming to my area of town to an out-of-the-way crappy Starbucks, my Dentist, my grocery, gas station, etc. Or, that's right, their not mine.

 

Actually Tojaz, I don't think he gives a dang about his Mother's heirloom. If it went in the trash he probably wouldn't care. Really, it was just nice of me to offer him a chance to get it before I am forced to sell it. Soon enough a judge is going to force me to sell the things I love, like my Mother's precious china and silver, because I cannot pay the bills. Maybe I should unload my own valuables first, to be nice.

 

Tojaz -- thank alot again for that post -- I am still processing it. But all ready could care less about his "watching behaviors" - and determined in my mind that:

 

"People that don't want you still can want you very very badly." That was the story of my unhappy marriage. It also provides an explanation for the "watching" behavior that makes sense, to ease my cognitive frustrations. In fact, the "watching behavior" occured even before we were married.

 

The most important growth I have to make is to know I am free of the entanglement for the first time in my life. I am just starting to see how he himself has "installed the chain" that he himself yanks at my desperation (when the financial noose gets tightened). I see this, now that I am coming out of the mania.

 

Perhaps I will not sell it yet Tojaz. I will wait till just before holidays, when I go to sell my own personal gold pieces. Maybe I was trying to be a lil' Hitler myself. I will cash out a small retirement check to get thru this month's disaster and pray I get a tenant in the house.

 

Sorry -- had to think out lout on this post. My computer crashed the. Other day. It is hard to edit on an old iPhone, with old tri-focals. Thank you Tojaz. I will not auction it tomorrow. Yas

 

PS. You know something I just noticed, this is an old pattern in my post marriage behavior. When I want immediate attention (or withdrawal to stop), I used to do something really really OVERBOARD - to wake him up fast. In this case I sure don't want to see him though. But perhaps do want to let him know I exist and he better quit messing with me. It has been times like these I have been known to be very unpredictable, and once or "trice" reckless - not because I wanted to either, it just happened like that way.

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Shocked Suzie
Yas, one of the major traps that are oh so easy to fall into, is that we can understand what they are thinking. If only we read enough posts, lectures, self help books etc. Its an illusion, a myth, something we do to make ourselves feel like we are in some sort of control of the situation.... yet if the act of simply driving past your house has that effect, how much control do you really have?

 

Those days remain fresh in my mind Yas, I can remember being online dissecting everything move my ex made. Every once in awhile I still do. For all of your questions Yas, before seeking the answers, ask yourself what knowing that answer would do for you. Would it give you peace? Would it help the financial situation he has put you in? Or would it lead to more questions to gnaw at your mind?

 

Why did he drive by?>>> because he misses the house.>>>>why does he miss the house?>>> because of all the memories here?>>>why would he miss those?

 

That is just one possible chain of thought that if you allowed it could go on forever, and no answer would ever satisfy you without probing deeper.

 

If you knew why he drove by the house, would it improve your well being? NO! So why waste your energy seeking out an answer that your never going to accept fully unless it comes from his lips? If even then.

 

KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON THE SITUATION AT HAND!

Fact: aside from the business and financials of divorce, Ex lil Nazi's actions only effect you as much as you CHOOSE to allow.

 

TOJAZ

 

 

This is great advice ;)

 

Unfortunately you can get told this MANY times, it just takes that one moment, comment, therapy session for the penny to finally drop! I had my moment Monday 'pretty sure' that it may at times it may need to be refreshed, but wow my brain isn't as busy.

 

Yas yourself n LS has been a huge support, I hope you have that 'moment' soon when your mind stops doing the overtime.

 

Thank you for all that you do

 

SS x

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This is great advice ;)

 

Unfortunately you can get told this MANY times, it just takes that one moment, comment, therapy session for the penny to finally drop! I had my moment Monday 'pretty sure' that it may at times it may need to be refreshed, but wow my brain isn't as busy.

 

Yas yourself n LS has been a huge support, I hope you have that 'moment' soon when your mind stops doing the overtime.

 

Thank you for all that you do

 

SS x

 

Don't worry Hon, Yas gets it. Her mind just got warped out. What I really loved about Tojaz' post is that he admits, even now, he stil gets a weak moment. I just got weak, and frieghtened and angry. Thank you for the compliments sweet girl! And congratulations on your progress! I just posted to you also! Great minds think alike! Yas

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PS. You know something I just noticed, this is an old pattern in my post marriage behavior. When I want immediate attention (or withdrawal to stop), I used to do something really really OVERBOARD - to wake him up fast. In this case I sure don't want to see him though. But perhaps do want to let him know I exist and he better quit messing with me. It has been times like these I have been known to be very unpredictable, and once or "trice" reckless - not because I wanted to either, it just happened like that way.

 

Now there is what I'm getting at. Do whatever you like with the trinket. Auction it, melt it down and make something fabulous for yourself, throw it in a lake if it makes you feel better, makes no difference.

 

Grandstanding that action to him is a different story though. You don't want to see him, yet your giving him an invite to interact with you in some way, even if that interaction is to ignore you, it still has an effect.

 

I sure don't want to see him though. But perhaps do want to let him know I exist

 

I think everyone can relate to that feeling, and I don't even think its the worst thing in the world to have something remind him your still out there. It just shouldn't come from you.

 

TOJAZ

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Now there is what I'm getting at. Do whatever you like with the trinket. Auction it, melt it down and make something fabulous for yourself, throw it in a lake if it makes you feel better, makes no difference.

 

Grandstanding that action to him is a different story though. You don't want to see him, yet your giving him an invite to interact with you in some way, even if that interaction is to ignore you, it still has an effect.

 

 

 

I think everyone can relate to that feeling, and I don't even think its the worst thing in the world to have something remind him your still out there. It just shouldn't come from you.

 

TOJAZ

 

Man, you are right! That was a BIG GRANDSTANDING! Yas' MO. I am too tired to set up an auction, plus I totally forgot my computer is crashed and I cant exactly afford a new one yet. This is how bi-polar desease looks. I really thought I would do this too! Haha! I can barely get out of bed after this last manic episode! It was a biggie. I wonder what else I've done that I'm going to be finding out about?

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Yas, are you still going to sell regardless of his response? God all mighty knows I wish I had some good sh*t to sell. Only my 8k engagement ring. I wanted to contact him today so very bad. I wanted to tell him how he'd ruined my life and our childrens.

 

Bad thoughts on my part. Just let him go. I'm only 26 days from the actual break so I know I have a long way to go.

 

You should definitely sell it if you get no response from him. But, is this contact setting you back?

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Yas, are you still going to sell regardless of his response? God all mighty knows I wish I had some good sh*t to sell. Only my 8k engagement ring. I wanted to contact him today so very bad. I wanted to tell him how he'd ruined my life and our childrens.

 

Bad thoughts on my part. Just let him go. I'm only 26 days from the actual break so I know I have a long way to go.

 

You should definitely sell it if you get no response from him. But, is this contact setting you back?

 

I needed more money than the ugly thing was worth on the market. I thought I'd give a try to hit him up for 3x what it is really worth because of the sentimental value to him. Of course, he may not give a crap about sentimental value.

 

My other choice to round up the money I need immediately is to cash out a small retirement check that is handy. I really didn't want to do that.

 

There is a third choice, and that is to screw my credit. I don't think that is wise with the serious illness I have.

 

No matter what, I gotta get my act together. No more putty parties. Good thing I have LS, and you guys.

 

I will sell his crap at Xmas time when I sell some other jewelry. I doubt he will respond, but if he does, I will gladly rob him 3 times what it is worth. He owes me over ten grand rite now. I cannot manage these assets if he doesn't pay up my share of things. I will look on your thread, Mbethb. U sound very antagonized, don't worry, it will b ok. Yas

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Setbacks really depend on the person and the state of mind. Reconciling yourself and moving forward is a sign that you have reconciled yourself and know that the only person you have power over is yourself. I have contact with my exH, both if them, very limited of course, but I never question what any if it means he said the past is the last and the future is mine and what I make it. If you always look in the rearview mirror, you miss all the best things right in front of you. Questioning what this and that means and always looking back...rearview mirror. I hated that my exH thought his past was always better than his present, he couldn't even live in the moment of being a husband and a father....truly the biggest difference in us. Looking forward is the only healthy path.

 

As far as the trinket, do what you have to do and put you first.

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Guess what happened to me just now? (I hope you're reading mbethb).

 

I did my color myself today so my hair looked pretty smashing. Went out to get cigs (yea, 3 days off, one nite on), so I keep on keeping making friends with this nice young (too young) Indian fellow, and we were hanging out, and he bought me a big can of Arizona Ginsing Tea to sip on. Wasn't that sweet?

 

Well, he is not the only guy I got schoomzed up with. I have a date tomorrow with a nice guy I was chatting with at the pump, who was admiring my Z and me. He is going to wash and polish my bimmer in his driveway tomorrow. All I have to do is show up with my McGuires Bucket. He is retired Military. They all know him there at the place where I get my gas.

 

Howz that for a Quick Trip?

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Shocked Suzie

...I'm off to fill up my car :D

 

Seriously need to work on my eye contact n flirting :eek:

 

Enjoy your date Yas

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I don't think the financial devastation of divorce is discussed enough, but I do (think I) understand why. The emotion/coping part of it is hard enough...the recovery. Tossing in that bag o' tricks early on just isn't right.

 

But it's something most of us have to face sooner or later.

 

Five years out I'm still feeling it, but the worst has passed. Hugely unfair...I was a home and business owner when I met my ex. Two businesses. I lost everything but the businesses and a few personal items. Is there such a thing as a homeless businessman? Welcome to modern America. I'd love to unload on her about it but I'd be wasting my breath. She shuts it all out.

 

Seriously? It's only money Yas. I can say that. I've earned the right. Sell or do what you have to. I'd advise putting thought into every move. OK?

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The independent evaluation doctor that testifed even discussed that I was the sort of person you might see homeless, if not properly medicated and cared for at this stage of my illness (a woman, that used to be a vibrant, billiant research professor, with a Ph.D., misses a few rounds of med, makes some errors, ends up on the street, not knowing where she is). That cost $7000.

 

The other side said I could work at Starbucks - right. I cannot even order from their menu. I am disabled - I don't want to be, but I am. It is frieghting when you have something wrong with your mind.

 

And if a smart business woman can lose her businesses and possessions, I guess that is what is about to happen to me. Now I am getting panicy again. I am really tied to my possessions - they keep me stablizes. My possessions are pretty weird - they are a collection of a lifetime. Since I don't really have much of a life outside of my home, my little possessions are my little lining of my cocoon. I would go effing mad if I lost my art. Especially my possessions are an art collection.

 

I am getting scared again. The only hope is to get my act together and fight this divorce attorneys fees. She violated her ethics big time with me. And I can prove it with documentations - albeit cucumstancial, that is good enough for the Bar Association. But not if I don't send it to them. Now I don't have a computer. Drat. I already paid an attorney to help me and he didn't do his job. It is outrage.

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Good day 2-day. May have house rented to nice couple (plus the guy knows hoe to fix the leaks in the roof). Husband very proactive about wanting to help me get the place up to speed. This is a great prospect - I am ready to drop rent if their application checks out. They are drulling over the place.

 

Next, of course, my car is sprakling, and the retired military man was such a nice gentleman. I may invite him over to help me rip out the rest of the carpet in this house so I can finially pour my epoxy floors.

 

Next, I was just asked on a date by what appears to be an upstanding but young professional man, (from India) for dinner at Red Lobster. (I'm attracted to foreign men for some weird reason). I am now considering which day I can "fit him in.". Dang, he is 12 years my junior. But the on-line dates my age have been super duds thus far, and obnoxious on top of that.

 

Girls, this is what Mimi Tanner calls "Leading the Charmed Life." OR "Gett'in Your Flirt On.". I for sure have that going -- no problem. I exude that everywhere I go. Once you got that going on, it is habit forming, even when u hit those bumps in the road. Yas

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