wannabefree4me Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 New here...I've been going through some pretty restless nights and could use some advice. I wont give too much history but this should be the bulk of it: My husband and I dated for 2 years..long distance for 1 year. Then married. We have been married for over 11 years now. Have a 6 yr old little boy and another on the way. I've been dealing with some pretty major issues since the beginning. We've done counseling, he hates it. We've had 3 different counselors and really only 1 worked for a short time and that was during our physical separation...4 years ago. The major issues that I've been with are a grown man who is connected to his mother by the umbilical cord...emotional abuse...verbal abuse...extremely harsh (physcially and verbally) with raising our little boy ect. He is rarely home although he is working 2 jobs...he spends whatever free time that he gets at his mothers house. Me and our son are 2 very decent people...son and I are very involved in our church and if we arent at home, or at the park...we are at church. Alot of people ask "How are u pg again??" About a year ago, I truly believed that my husband was changing for the good....he was spending more time at home, showing more affection towards ds and I really believed that things would work out....about 2 months after I became pregnant it quickly went downhill again. His excuses are always "IM TIRED" really the only 2 sentences I hear from him are "IM TIRED" and "SHUT THE F UP B*TCH" and this is in front of our son. I asked nicely and then sternly to not talk in such a way with ds around and then period...I dont speak to him like that so I expect the same in return. Fast Forward. Ive been battling with this relationship for sooo long...5 years ago I tried to leave but husband threatened that he would automatically get full custody because he makes more money than me. I stayed. Now 6 yrs later I KNOW I need to leave,,,,but I am still afraid of loosing ds and the next baby that is coming. My little boy means the world to me...Im very concerned about how his fathers behavior has affected him thus far. Im trying to figure out a way to turn that around but im afraid its too late. Im also afraid that even if I do get %50 custody the restless nights I will have when our son is spending time with his Dad...i dont trust him. I know I have issues with self esteem and this is partly why im still around..Im not confident with myself or with my own decisions. I doubt myself alot and try to blame myself but really the only thing im guilty of is staying around..and getting pg yet again. IF I go any further in detail, im sure you all will vomit..ive heard it all before and how crazy I am to not have left a long time ago...Im here because of my fear. How can I fight this fear of leaving? He is making more than I with 2 jobs and I partly fear not being able to care for myself and 2 little boys. It is expensive where I live and My family is 6 hours from me. I also fear having this baby while still living with my husband. I dont want him to go through the same thing our son went through. These boys deserve so much better and they deserve to be happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 Hey, I am sorry you are in this predicament. It's great that you have plucked up the courage and decided to leave once and for all. You say you have family 6 hours away, that actually sounds like a perfect amount of distance to put between you and your husband while you separate and it will give your children and yourself a safety net. You could use the support of your relatives right now to be honest, because I am sure even after you leave he will try to manipulate you back. Is it an option for you to stay with your family in the meantime? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wannabefree4me Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 (edited) Thanks for you response! It could be an option. I just know that our son is crazy about his dad and when his dad isnt home, he constantly looks for him...always wondering where he is. I think it would be cruel of me to take him so far from his that he couldnt see him atleast once a week. That is something else I am struggling with. Otherwise, I would be with my family in a heartbeat, but I know its important to my son to see his father regularly. I want to do this in a way to where it will affect our son and soon-to-be born son as LESS as possible...meanwhile I do still need to live my life! does this make sense? Also I doubt he will try to get me to come back..We've been physically separated 2 times before...he moved right in with his mother and was very content..it was me that asked him to move back ....both times. He is DEFINITELY not the type to say "Let's work this out!!!" he's rather not put any work into being married. Edited July 15, 2013 by wannabefree4me Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 That makes sense, is it possible at all if you do stay with your family initially to arrange some way of meeting half way to have your son see his father? I know it isn't easy or ideal but you will need all the support you can get during this time, especially with a baby on the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 .meanwhile I do still need to live my life! You're not telling all of the story which is fine. Eleven years, two kids eleven years apart and you're not walking, it's about religion & money. I see nothing changing. Link to post Share on other sites
mbethb Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 I'm sorry that you're going through such a stressful time. You need to get way from this man. Any man that would tell you to STFU and call you a bitch has no business being around your son. Get to googling and find some resources in your area that can help make leaving a little easier. I hope you'll get away and find peace soon. Good luck with your pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wannabefree4me Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 .meanwhile I do still need to live my life! You're not telling all of the story which is fine. Eleven years, two kids eleven years apart and you're not walking, it's about religion & money. I see nothing changing. Kids will be 7 yrs apart when this one comes along. Can you elaborate on what you mean? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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