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In Need of A Good Friend


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scared2Balone

Hi everyone, I was just looking on the net and came to this site and was hoping to at least have someone sharing a similar experience to talk to. I'm 21 years old, and have been married almost three years, been together over 4. My husband has bi-polar and has walked out on me several times, the "smart" person in me told myself to never let him come back the last time he left but I love him and I guess I am really really scared to be alone. Well, he came back seven months ago and walked out on me yesterday once again. Since then I have done nothing but sit here and cry or take drives just to get out of the house, this time is so much different than all the other times he has walked out. I guess because I know we will never be together again, on the other hand if I was another person looking in on this relationship I would never understand why a person would allow someone to hurt themselves like I have allowed him to do to me. He had changed and became like the perfect working faithful husband for the past few months, and we even bought a brand new car together, he supported me and allowed me to not work and go to school. I fell in love with this person, only to find out two weeks ago that he was just acting this way to make me happy.

My heart is pretty much nonexistent and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I thought maybe not having to look at things that remind me of him would help so I packed the things he left here, which is most of his things since he didn't take very much. I don't see myself ever being able to move on with my life and that above all is why I cry. I am angry at myself because I let this happen, I know what will happen probably in a few months he will do as always and call me to "just check in" and it will turn into him wanting to come back or him saying things that will make me ask him to come back. How does anyone move on from this? I feel like my life is over, this man was everything to me, we did everything together. I have no friends because they have all either got married, had kids, or moved off somewhere. I start a new job on Tuesday so I am praying that this job will give me just a few minutes of peace away from myself. I try and try to think of other things or to realize that this definitely was for the best, but I don't want to be like these people you see who end up regretting letting someone they love go. I don't know what I would do if I happened to see him with someone else, I don't think I could make it. I am sorry this is so long, but I already at least feel a little better.

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Is your husband currently being treated for his bipolar? Does he have a psychiatrist? Does he take medication and if so, do you know if he has been taking it regularly?

 

There are a lot of sites on the internet that deal with the illness of bipolar, including several for spouses and loved ones. The best way to deal with someone with bipolar is to become as educated as you can about it.

 

If you would like more information or links to sites, PM me and I'd be glad to talk to you.

 

Best of luck to you. Take care.

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scared2Balone

My husband has been in and out of the mental hospital four different times, all of those times he starts doing really well taking his meds and going to a counselor then he just slips off the bandwagon. I do appreciate your reply, but I think no matter how I would want to fix his problems he has to be the one to want to change. His idea of changing is going back to live with his alcoholic dad's and downing a few beers or going to raise heck out with his rebellious friends. If there was some way to save our marriage I would, but I just have it in my head that since I made it clear the last time he came back that if he left again he wouldn't be able to come back then he wants it over or like my dad says "he needs a vacation from stress and bills". My husband has basically lived a stress free life with his dad who has taken care of him and bailed him out of trouble whenever he did something wrong. So I guess living the single life is much easier than having to deal with marriage, work and so on. I didn't have a job because he said he would support me while in school so luckily I found a job and start Tuesday, but other than that he had the nerve to tell me he would take the new car and pay me 200 bucks a month for over 800 bucks a month in household bills. I am going to see a lawyer about separation papers and see exactly what I am entitled to on Tuesday or whenever I have the opportunity to. I am no longer no matter how sad or upset I am going to allow him to walk on me, considering he is walking away practically squeaky clean and I am left with nothing and a mound of bills.

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It sounds like you've had quite a history with this man and have given it all you've got. I don't blame you at all for calling it quits and doing what is right for yourself. I'm glad you've worked through things and have gotten a job and seem to be headed in the right direction for moving on with your life.

 

When I offered the sites, I didn't mean to imply that you should fix his problems. I agree, that is totally up to him. What I meant to say is that there are sites that offer information and support for the loved ones of people with bipolar. But if the marriage is ending, that probably no longer applies to you. Maybe someday he'll come to his senses and get the proper intervention, but that is certainly not within your control.

 

You are young. You deserve better than what you've been dealing with, and I think you will find it. You're smart for hiring a lawyer, and hopefully you'll get things resolved soon so you can get on with your life.

 

Good luck!

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scared2Balone

Oh I really do appreciate your advice it is just like what you said, I have done all I can and I no longer feel like I have the strength to try and help him or try to change things about me to accomodate his problems. I appreciate any advice you have to offer! Thank you so much:)

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