She Left Us: Has anyone else been through this?

[chrisvo]

Hi,

 

Has anyone else been throught this?

 

My Wife of 13 1/12 years left me and my 12 yo son six weeks ago, for a guy she'd known for 5 weeks.

 

I feel hurt, betrayed and humiliated.

 

She walked out in the middle of the night, while we were asleep and left a 2 line note.

 

I thought that I should be getting over this, but I am not - still crying for no good reason, sometimes cannot function properly.

 

I miss the things we used to do together, and cannot bear the thought that she is doing them with him.

[Darkangelism]

That must be pretty rough. Time is the best healer, and for something like this it will take awhile, just stay busy and help your son out as much as possible, its going to be rough on him too.

[soccorsilly]

My wife of just under 10 years--with no warnings that I could see--decided to meet a stranger that popped on he Instant Message. While I had my three kids ona camping trip, she went up to meet his guy and came home like nothing happened. I suspected, snooped (I know I know--bad boy) and confirmed what I thought. I confronted her and tried to go to counseling, but she would not. So, with her not willing to work to save it (and she only saw this guy one other time because he dropped her when we subpoenaed him and he learned that she was NOT divorced, and that she DID have children, and that I did NOT abuse her--she wove a good tale for him), I filed for divorce and instructed my atty to proceed with speed. I filed in August of 2000 and we were final in November 2000. I know your hurt--many night crying uncontrollably--no appetite--no desire to do anythign---you will come to a time (and it will be a specific point in time) when you realize that it is indeed over and unsalvagable, and from then on it will get better for you. Focus on your son--be the parent that he needs at this time, and think about some counseling for him--even a few sessions so a doc can take the psychological temperature.

 

Focus on your kid first, and then focus on yourself. Life gets good. I have three kids 12, 9, 7 who have a very loving dad. They also spend time with their mom and they know that their parents love them. No details on the divorce--no need to know--grown up stuff. End of the conversation. Do not badmouth her to your son or anyone--well if you have one REALLY close friend, use him or her.

 

And, on a purely personal note, my life has been a million times happier since my divorce (a million times poorer as well) but I have had two great relationships since then, my kids are adjusted, and the sex is great!

 

Keep a stiff upper lip, cry when you need to and be there for your son and the rest will fall into place!

[spencer]

i know someone who was left by his wife. she packed her clothes and ran out in the middle of the night, leaving him 4 kids to raise.

im horrified a person could do this to someone.

 

you know what, though, selfishly...im glad it happened,...

 

10 years later he met and married my mom. and i got the best step-dad ever

 

better things may be around the corner for you.

[chrisvo]

Thank you all for your support. Sorry I have not replied before, has been a bit turbulent. Thanks Soccorsilly - I think I am coming to the time you talk about - I know in reality it will never work again.

I guess the hardest thing is still having to see her a lot - a clean break would probably be easier, but I do not want to deny my son a mother. There are a lot of things I want to say to her - sometimes I just want to stand up and yell exactly what I feel, but I cannot do that for his sake but I have a lot of pent up anger.

I don't know what's going on in my son's mind, and that is hard for me. I try to gently open up a dialogue, but he just clams up, and I don't want to push him too hard.

Finally, Spencer I'm glad for you that things have worked out so well for you and your stepdad