LRT Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 The man I am currently dating is newly separated(3 months).I know he's not looking for anything serious right now and I am cool with that.The thing is I am not a casual dating girl I am a relationship girl.I don't really know what the protocal here is for phone calls and making dates.I don't want to call him too much and freak him out or anything but I don't want to not call him enough and make him think I am not interested.I have known this guy for years and he means the world to me,I don't want to do anything to scare him off. Link to post Share on other sites
amish Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 LRT, I'm newly separated (2 1/2 months) and I have been talking to another woman lately, merely for conversation since I don't have that kind of relationship anymore. Anyway, recently she started asking me to come over or go out for a drink or something but the tone seems more like she wants more than that, and she has hinted at that as well. You know what, it's really kind of disgusting me. At first it was kind of nice just to have someone to confide in a little, now it's like I'm being pressured into some kind of relationship I don't even want. All these "call me's" and "let's go out's" are starting to really turn me cool on the friendship. I'm not saying your guy is the same as me, but if he wasn't the one who initiated the separation he might share some of the feelings I do. Then again, it may just be because this woman isn't my type anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LRT Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Their split was mutual they were both very unhappy for a very long time.I know he's not ready for too much more than what we are doing, we have talked about it and we can keep it casual for as long as he wants.I just don't want to overkill on the phone calls or make him feel obligated to call me x amount of times every week.Thats too relationshipish.I'm not fishing for a date when I call, sometimes I just want to talk to him,We've known each other a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 It all boils down to communication. If he is a long time friend, you should know him pretty well and vice versa. Males need to be hit over the head--innuendo NEVER works! Sit him down, tell him that you like him and that you also know he is at a strange position in life and just tell him that you don't want to screw up your "relationship" (whatever it is--friends or lovers) by making him feel awkward. Then ask him point blank "Am I calling too much?" Or just tell him to promise to let you know if he is feeling smothered. As a divorced guy going through the whole deal, more than anything, I appreciate the openness and honesty of the relationships I have been in since my divorce. I insist upon it, and they (while not many) have each been far more satisfying that my marraige. Talk to him! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 I agree with soccersilly.....be candid and upfront. DO NOT smother him, just let him know you are available for conversation or going out when he gets lonely. In between that time, continue to make your own plans and do your own thing. That way, he isn't your WHOLE life....but a pleasant PART of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Hmmmm.... my two cents, for what its worth: Listen to soccorsilly and Arabess! Common wisdom on the divorce boards I've checked out is that it is best not to get emotionally invested in a romantic sense until the other person has been -divorced- (as in final papers all signed up) for at least a year. If you decide you want to be his rebound, then prepare yourself for the "I'm confused, I need space, I want to date someone else, I think we should see other people" speech. Being up front and honest from the beginning is the only chance to keep that from happening, IMHO. Be a friend if you like, but if another EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE man happens to ask you out in the meantime and you like him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LRT Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 Yeah, I am definately keeping the lines of communication open.He knows that eventually I will want more than something casual and so will he.But I just thought that it was important for him to know that I know that isn't going to happen right now.It would be ridiculous of me to expect that right now. As of now we talk on the phone twice a week, he calls me once I call him once.we send each other the occasional funny email, chat online every now and then.We go out every other week on average.I guess we are taking turns when it comes to the asking out part. I guess the best thing to do for now is leave things as they are and follow his lead. Link to post Share on other sites
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