xxsnowbunnyxx Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 We have currently been separated for 4 weeks. I'm in the grieving stage now. I'm very depressed. The only time I get out of bed is to go to work then i just immediately crawl back in bed when i return home. I cry constantly and cant seem to eat. Iv dropped ten pounds and i was small to begine with. I feel numb inside like I can't laugh or find joy or beauty in things. How long does this terrible grieving process last? I cant seem to move on because a divorce has not been filed yet and i feel like im in limbo. I want to work things out but he doesnt seem to know what he wants. Ill tell my story as short as possible. We had only been together for three years we fell in love almost imedietly. He was the one chasing me mostly he was very romantic and passionate. I could not help but fall in love with him. I felt my life was complete and i had found my soulmate. We got married within the first year. We had made lots of future plans together and seemed to have a great life ahead of us. Heres when things started to go wrong. My husband was struggling to find full time work. He does not make very much money seeing as he only has a part time job. I offered to fully support him so that he could go to college and better himself. Everything was fine up until about 6 months ago. I noticed that he was playing video games alot. He would stay up all night and play games. He did not want to do any house chores just play games. I started to become depressed and lonely. He stoped being affectionate with me and never came to bed and slept with me because he would be playing games all night. I of course became angry with him and started to complain alot about his behavior. He in turn became very angry that i was complaining and said that i was becoming to much of an overbearing wife... One day after we got into a big fight over him playing the game all night he packed his stuff and left to go live with his dad. I thought it was only going to be temporary and he would see how foolish and childish he was being and realize how in love we once were but i was wrong. He's became more angry after he left saying i was jealous and overbearing and i was worthless to him. It kills me inside to hear these things come from him after all the good loving stuff we experianced. I am so confused as to how somebodies mind could flip over night... Now that he lives with his father he does not have to pay rent and he can play video games all the time and from what i have heard he is out partying with other women. I feel so betrayed. I cant file for a divorce from him right now though because I am grieving so hard and I still have this tiny shred of hope that he is going to change and realize what he is loosing and come back to me. There is a big part of me that wonders if this is what I should be doing or should I be moving on and getting over a very selfish immature man... I'm just so confused right now. How long does it usually take to get over the emotional roller coaster and start thinking rationally? I know right now I'm thinking with my heart and not my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
riverratt Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 It is very tough..You have to start to think of yourself. Face the fact that you will need to start over. Now is the time to look yourself in the mirror and see what you see. Not saying this was your fault but now is the time to think of you. Realize that he let a good thing go. Don't let this kill your sole. Save it for somebody else. ..There is no easy answer and time will have to heal you. Link to post Share on other sites
debber01 Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Hard to deal with xxSnowbunnyxx. Your hubby sounds a bit immature and unable to handle real life right now. You are both young though, so there is hope. My hubby of 25 years has suddenly reverted to his adolescence and doesn't love me anymore. Sadly, we are helpless. We have to let them work through their 'stuff.' They don't seem to want our input and have to go through it on their own. In the meantime, we sit here in limbo not knowing what they're thinking, because they don't tell us and won't discuss. My heart bleeds for you. Going through the same thing after 25 years. It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
AllieKat Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 I'm going through a similar issue. My husband told me 3 1/2 mths ago he was done. He hasnt filed yet or done anything and hes still here. I went through the same stage as your going through. I still cry just not as much, ive started to eat again but I understand and it does get easier. Meds did help a little but now im off them. Im learning the best thing to do is to be busy with self improvement! Im focusing on myself and dd more and its really helping Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsnowbunnyxx Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Things have gotten worse... He sent me a text saturday night saying that he didn't care who I slept with as long as it wasn't any of his friends! This upset me because I wondered how he could not care if I was sleeping with someone else. I'm his wife! So my wheels started turning in my mind and I started thinking he is probably sleeping with someone else then. So I send him a text and i lie and say that I heard he slept with someone and he didn't deny it!! He just asked me how I found out! Now I'm really angry and upset because I know I have to be the bigger person and end this mess. I live in Nevada so I'm lucky that divorces are fairly inexpensive and easy. I'm just so depressed. What we originally started fighting over had nothing to do with seeing other people... He is throwing what we had away. I didn't realize that this whole thing was a process until I started reading around this site. I already went through the begging and pleading stage that of course didn't work... Now I'm just utterly depressed and have to sit back and wait for him to sign papers. I guess I just wish he felt a little of this pain too he seems so happy and content with his new life and I'm dying inside. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Sounds like you guys are very young (and he, especially, very immature). Move on with your life. Guys like this DO NOT CHANGE. Don't think you can change him. You never will. Be grateful you found this out now before kids and before you have so much invested. You feel pain because you fell in love with an ideal, not for real, IMO. Get out, hang with your friends, whatever. Just get OUT of the house. Force yourself. If even to see a movie by yourself. Sooner or later, you will see what a mistake this all was and you will find someone much better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
AllieKat Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 So sorry Snow! Hes a A$$, if he cheated! Keep in mind though that ppl sometimes say things to hurt others, Im not saying he didnt cheat just saying Ive heard it all well read it all on here! I think if I was you I would need to find out more details. I dunno Im thinking you tell him since hes been cheating around your getting checked for stds and whatever else you want to add just to get him to talk. I'd wanna found out who she was and her situation too. If shes big enough to help play a part in ruining a marriage( assuming she knows hes married) shes big enough to be called on it and the fallout. Id get proof and document it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsnowbunnyxx Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Honestly our relationship was so short I'm to embarrassed to look into the cheating any further. It's true I was in love with an ideal not him... I make myself sick thinking about how foolish I was. It was like dating a child and we got married! I just feel stupid. I want to move past this. I want to feel ok with being single. This will be my second failed marriage. I want to be married so bad I guess I just don't care with to who. I'm not sure why I am like this. I feel so lonely when I'm alone. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Well, I hope you are enlisting the help of a counselor. A giant red flag goes up for me when someone says "I want to be married so badly." You need to address your deep insecurities first. You're just looking for someone else to complete you - which is a always a failing proposition. And you apparently have this thing in your head that marriage is some sort of goal that is going to make your life complete. BZZT! You absolutely MUST love yourself and who you are and be able to enjoy life on your own way before you should ever even think about getting married again. If this is already your second failed marriage, something is up and we both know with who. I don't mean that to sound mean towards you. It's just that you need to spend some serious time figuring out your issues and staying away from relationships. Otherwise, this scenario is going to repeat itself (and, heaven forbid, with children involved). Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsnowbunnyxx Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 No I am not seeing a counselor but yes you are correct I do have a lot of issues I need to work out for myself. The problem it causes in my life is that I become a push over to bad men and grieve when I loose them even though they were bad for me in the first place... In all fairness to myself I am very independent. I have good job and my own house and such and such. I just feel I'm to vulnerable and easily manipulated. Believe me I'm trying to sort all this out. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 You need to find a counselor as soon as possible. And you are not "independent." Yet. You will be. Link to post Share on other sites
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