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Getting a Divorce. What's Fairest? Most Probable?


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I am about to get a divorce after 1 year of marriage. Here's how it lays out and what we brought to the marriage when we got married.

 

Me: I have a house, good car, good job, expensive engagement & wedding rings.

Spouse: Has a car that needs replacing. Almost nothing in bank account.

 

Note: We both work, I may make slightly more than my spouse.

 

My house and my car are in my name and my spouse is nowhere on any of the paperwork. A few months ago we put about 50% down on a brand new (expensive/fully loaded) car for my spouse (car of their dreams) and took out a loan on the rest of it. I sold an item of mine that I owned prior to marriage which the funds from that sale account for about 50% of the money put down on the car. For the sake of the discussion lets just say me and my spouse collectively saved the 50% down payment. We have a few other small items we purchased that are technically "both of ours" but that should be a non-issue as to who gets it, (ME) ( it is about $1000 value of stuff).

 

My spouse is refusing to sell their car and purchase a more economical in order to pay off the debt. My spouse (wife) also wants to keep the engagement and wedding rings.

 

WHAT I WANT:

 

Spouse Gets: I want to split down the middle 50/50 all money earned throughout our marraige that is in our bank account. I want spouse to keep the car and take over all car debt from the new car. Everything they brought to the marraige they leave with. I dont want any of the 50% down payment I put into the car. They can have the whole deal free and clear.

 

Me: I want everything I brought into the marriage (home, home debt, furnishings, appliances). I also want the engagement and wedding rings. I want the rings because if I ever decide to remarry in the future (not looking to) my ring dealer offers a good trade in program which will be good. I also look to keep the rings cause I lost a good portion of money when purchasing my spouses car, this money I am not looking to get back either.

 

My spouse says they will seek legal advice but only because they have no idea how a divorce process works. Spouse agreed to do nothing that requires payment to a lawyer (for now).

 

I am noticeably leaving this marriage with more than my spouse, but I also brought a lot more into it. From another viewpoint I am leaving this marriage with less than I brought in and my spouse is leaving with more. (I have lost in this time period and spouse has gained)

 

SUMMARY: Only issue is rings, car, car debt.

 

I want rings. I want spouse to have car and car debt.

 

Spouse only has issue with me wanting the rings.

 

How would you guess this may play out?

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Let her keep her ring, and you keep yours.

That's just nit-picky stuff.

 

I paid for mine and her rings. I believe I rightfully own 50% of the down payment on the car, just as I do the car debt (I own part of the car). The car can be sold, debt paid off, split the profit and spouse gets new (cheaper) car. I am not doing that though. I just request the rings and spouse can have car full and clear. The rings cost a substantial amount of money, more than average.

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The rings are hers and it's highly unlikely the court will rule in your favor on it.

Even in states with conditional gift laws she would have met the conditions of "earning" the gift. The ring's ownership is conditional upon marriage which she clearly did.

The rings are hers and you're not likely to win that point.

 

Drop the rings claim. I can tell you don't want to but it's for the best.

 

Her car. Did you co-sign?

If so, you can seek novation. But you won't get it. Well, it's unlikely you will prolly shouldn't say "no". For novation to proceed all three parties must agree and it's not likely in the "bank's" interest to do so from a risk perspective. Can't hurt to ask though.

 

Simply stipulate that she owns the car and the payment.

 

Honestly, these are nits. Drop them, be nice and move on.

 

The alternative is to face a mean SOB lawyer who decides she gets half of asset appreciation while you were M. You know, half the growth of your retirement accounts, house equity and so on. See where I'm going with this?

 

Right now you're golden. Play nice and exit the M.

 

You are having an emotional reaction over this. Drop it.

You have far more to lose than gain by walking this path (contentious D).

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Think of what is fair and what the judge will rule. Then shift it a little in your wife's favor. That's probably what will happen.

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I also want the engagement and wedding rings. I want the rings because if I ever decide to remarry in the future (not looking to) my ring dealer offers a good trade in program which will be good.

 

Forget the rings - it's not worth the potential costs to fight.

 

Plus think about it. How would a future wife feel if she found out you had got her rings on the cheap because you did a deal with the ex-wife's rings? Bad taste IMO.

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The rings are hers and it's highly unlikely the court will rule in your favor on it.

Even in states with conditional gift laws she would have met the conditions of "earning" the gift. The ring's ownership is conditional upon marriage which she clearly did.

The rings are hers and you're not likely to win that point.

 

Drop the rings claim. I can tell you don't want to but it's for the best.

 

Her car. Did you co-sign?

If so, you can seek novation. But you won't get it. Well, it's unlikely you will prolly shouldn't say "no". For novation to proceed all three parties must agree and it's not likely in the "bank's" interest to do so from a risk perspective. Can't hurt to ask though.

 

Simply stipulate that she owns the car and the payment.

 

Honestly, these are nits. Drop them, be nice and move on.

 

The alternative is to face a mean SOB lawyer who decides she gets half of asset appreciation while you were M. You know, half the growth of your retirement accounts, house equity and so on. See where I'm going with this?

 

Right now you're golden. Play nice and exit the M.

 

You are having an emotional reaction over this. Drop it.

You have far more to lose than gain by walking this path (contentious D).

 

I am actually more excited to be done with my spouse than anything. There is no upset on my side. I still care about my spouse and will make sure they are well off. We just made a bad decision to get married and its not working out.

 

The car loan is in my name only, we are both on the car title though. We still live together and sleep in the same bed as we seem to be taking it pretty well. Plus, it's easier to work things out when I see my spouse every day.

 

As for the car we are working on "refinancing" and getting a new loan with just my spouse's name on it. After the loan successfully goes through we will then change the title to just her name.

 

Once the car dealings are worked out I want to do an online divorce clean and clear.

 

Does this seem like the correct thing to do?

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Think of what is fair and what the judge will rule. Then shift it a little in your wife's favor. That's probably what will happen.

 

Well if we agree on everything we want then their is no need for rulings correct? I am in the process of negotiations with my spouse at the moment.

 

In Addition To This:

 

Am I positioning myself to get screwed over IF before any divorce papers are filed me and my spouse get the car loan in her name only and put only her name on the car title. Then afterwards filing for an online divorce that states she is responsible for the car debt and that she owns the car?

Edited by Bill_123
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SouthernDamsel

I agree with the other posters regarding the rings. Drop the issue and move on. Engagement and wedding rings are gifts, therefore, the receiver can do whatever they want with them.

 

I am guessing that you purchased the home prior to the marriage? If so, then you really can't be forced to sell the house and split the profits. But any home equity that has accrued (as was stated above) is up for grabs.

 

I know that you are wanting to avoid attorney's fees, but I am not sure that it is the wisest path for you to take. You also have to be concerned about the before mentioned retirement accounts, checking/savings accounts, etc. I am not sure how much protection that an online quickie will give you down the road, if you have been the more financially responsible spouse. Some divorcing couples are actually able to mediate agreeably and use the same attorney. You might look into that.

 

You also need to look at your state's divorce rules. Some stipulate that you live seperately in different domiciles for a certain length of time. You may also both have to attest that you have not had marital relations for a certain length of time. Divorces can take forever because of these rules.

 

You really should protect your assests by talking to an attorney. Things sound rather civil between the two of you right now, but interactions can turn nasty very quickly, believe me. The two of you may agree to no spousal support at this time, but legally she could take you back to court in the future, long after the divorce is final (unless she remarries, then you are off the hook). Trust me about the possible future nastiness, my ex has threatened to take me back to court numerous times (I was the financially responsible one).

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I am actually more excited to be done with my spouse than anything. There is no upset on my side. I still care about my spouse and will make sure they are well off. We just made a bad decision to get married and its not working out.

 

The car loan is in my name only, we are both on the car title though. We still live together and sleep in the same bed as we seem to be taking it pretty well. Plus, it's easier to work things out when I see my spouse every day.

 

As for the car we are working on "refinancing" and getting a new loan with just my spouse's name on it. After the loan successfully goes through we will then change the title to just her name.

 

Once the car dealings are worked out I want to do an online divorce clean and clear.

 

Does this seem like the correct thing to do?

 

That sounds like a great idea.

 

And if the car loan doesn't work out - offer a subsidy. Pay a percentage of it and she can pay the rest. It's all about give and take. If you can swing a car payment subsidy (if needed) then do it. Far better to be D on good terms and out a little money than a war of a D which WILL cost you more.

 

I think you get it though.

 

You are doing what is called a kitchen table D. I'd wager at least 99% of all D happens there (mediation vs lawyers). It's far less traumatic, contentious and cheaper. The result is the same as well.

 

You DO need a lawyer. Not to be mean and nasty but to make sure you cross all of your T's and dot all of your I's. He/she will also make sure all the motions, filings and paperwork is correct. Basically, the lawyer is to do the grunt work of the D process.

 

And that's exactly how I would present it to your stbxw.

 

Sorry your M didn't work but glad that you both are handling as adults.

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Well if we agree on everything we want then their is no need for rulings correct? I am in the process of negotiations with my spouse at the moment.

 

In Addition To This:

 

Am I positioning myself to get screwed over IF before any divorce papers are filed me and my spouse get the car loan in her name only and put only her name on the car title. Then afterwards filing for an online divorce that states she is responsible for the car debt and that she owns the car?

 

Breathe.

Relax.

Slow down.

 

Do you have any reason to believe she would go this route?

If not...stop.

 

I'm not following how that would screw you over. She would have the debt (car loan) and the asset (the car title). That's the goal. Right?

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Breathe.

Relax.

Slow down.

 

Do you have any reason to believe she would go this route?

If not...stop.

 

I'm not following how that would screw you over. She would have the debt (car loan) and the asset (the car title). That's the goal. Right?

 

I always cover my butt. No real reason to believe she would go this route. I'm just being careful.

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Let her keel the rings. I think legally she gets to keep them as they were a gift and buy actually getting married they are legally hers now.

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stupidgirl22

the rings are HERS!! Just coz you paid for them doesn't mean you get them back. I bet she gave you gifts and if so has she asked you to return them? If so, refuse they're yours.

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I paid for mine and her rings. I believe I rightfully own 50% of the down payment on the car, just as I do the car debt (I own part of the car). The car can be sold, debt paid off, split the profit and spouse gets new (cheaper) car. I am not doing that though. I just request the rings and spouse can have car full and clear. The rings cost a substantial amount of money, more than average.

 

 

Legally if you proposed to her on her birthday, christmas, valentines day, or some other legal holiday or some anniversaty of sorts its LEGALLY a gift to her.

 

The only issue you can raise in an engagement riung is if its a family heirloom.

 

Also..NO next future wife will want anything to do with what ring you gave her.

 

The cost of the ring is an asset that can be used in the marriage calculation.

 

As for the house--not sure what state you live in but sge can leagally claim from living there say one year and you have a 30 yr mortgage then she owns 1/60th of your house. If its a 20 year mortgage...then 1/40th.

 

why is this divorce happening? Did you cheat on her> she on you? These are factors that could play into the divorce depending on the state.

 

What you put in your 401K and what you made in it this year is an asset she has legal right to.

 

The car payment you are both equally responsible for....say you owe $10,000 on the car...$5,000 is what you owe. By you giving her the car she then owes you $5,000.

 

 

What I would suggest to you tou let her have the ring, the small things, the car and pay your part and have the rest refinance in her name and give her some money to let her get on her feet. Say she needs to get an apartment so she needs a $500 deposit...you give her that.

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Let her keel the rings. I think legally she gets to keep them as they were a gift and buy actually getting married they are legally hers now.

 

 

When I went through my divorce...the rings were an asset that I let her keep them but it went toward the divorce. they do get counted.

 

If they were given on christmas, birthday, valentines day then they are a legal gift and dont count against the assets in the divorce

 

If they were a family heirloom of his then he has a legal right for them but they still will count as an asset in the divorce which effectivly means he gives her cash for the rings. Im sure the next wife would love used rings from the prior marriage---NOT

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whichwayisup
I am about to get a divorce after 1 year of marriage. Here's how it lays out and what we brought to the marriage when we got married.

 

Me: I have a house, good car, good job, expensive engagement & wedding rings.

Spouse: Has a car that needs replacing. Almost nothing in bank account.

 

Note: We both work, I may make slightly more than my spouse.

 

My house and my car are in my name and my spouse is nowhere on any of the paperwork. A few months ago we put about 50% down on a brand new (expensive/fully loaded) car for my spouse (car of their dreams) and took out a loan on the rest of it. I sold an item of mine that I owned prior to marriage which the funds from that sale account for about 50% of the money put down on the car. For the sake of the discussion lets just say me and my spouse collectively saved the 50% down payment. We have a few other small items we purchased that are technically "both of ours" but that should be a non-issue as to who gets it, (ME) ( it is about $1000 value of stuff).

 

My spouse is refusing to sell their car and purchase a more economical in order to pay off the debt. My spouse (wife) also wants to keep the engagement and wedding rings.

 

WHAT I WANT:

 

Spouse Gets: I want to split down the middle 50/50 all money earned throughout our marraige that is in our bank account. I want spouse to keep the car and take over all car debt from the new car. Everything they brought to the marraige they leave with. I dont want any of the 50% down payment I put into the car. They can have the whole deal free and clear.

 

Me: I want everything I brought into the marriage (home, home debt, furnishings, appliances). I also want the engagement and wedding rings. I want the rings because if I ever decide to remarry in the future (not looking to) my ring dealer offers a good trade in program which will be good. I also look to keep the rings cause I lost a good portion of money when purchasing my spouses car, this money I am not looking to get back either.

 

My spouse says they will seek legal advice but only because they have no idea how a divorce process works. Spouse agreed to do nothing that requires payment to a lawyer (for now).

 

I am noticeably leaving this marriage with more than my spouse, but I also brought a lot more into it. From another viewpoint I am leaving this marriage with less than I brought in and my spouse is leaving with more. (I have lost in this time period and spouse has gained)

 

SUMMARY: Only issue is rings, car, car debt.

 

I want rings. I want spouse to have car and car debt.

 

Spouse only has issue with me wanting the rings.

 

How would you guess this may play out?

 

Why do you want the rings? Just curious.

 

Also, you make more money yet you want her to take the car and the debt that goes with it? :confused:

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whichwayisup
Also..NO next future wife will want anything to do with what ring you gave her.

 

I doubt very much he wants to give the ring to another woman in the future. If anything he'll sell the ring to get some of the money back.

 

Haha, I just answered my own question as to why he wants the rings back.

Edited by whichwayisup
answered my own question.
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