I think I really screwed this one up...

[viktorious11]

Well, I'll try to keep this short. Basically my wife and I decided to divorce 4 months ago and it is the most regretful decision I have ever made in my life. I was being hard-headed, naive, and selfish- thinking if I agree to this maybe my wife will change a bit and "ease up off me." *I'm 27 she's (almost) 24, we have 1 amazing 19 month old, Daniel- and we are both very young and immature.

 

Our history goes back to when she was 13 and I was 17 and we were crazy about eachother (pictures, seeing eachother at various Hungarian events, etc.) we went out on one date, and I "dropped her." (wayyy too young!) 5 years go by, we both date around and finally we reconvene, in Hungary, mind you, for the most incredible fall-in love experience of both of our lives. However, our relationship was kinda flawed from that point on because I was more or less 'set for life' as far as romantically and just completely let myself go.

 

we got engaged, all the while living 2,000 miles apart as I was still 23 getting my MBA in KS (we are both LA centered). I ended up Moving home halfway through, reluctantly, much in part to her wanting me home and our long distance relationship failing. We end up getting pregnant, getting married, getting jobs, and moving into our own apartment, all within a year. HOLY CRAP, right!?

 

So all the while- I'm still just going through the motions of work- but mainly just caring about playing poker, hanging with buds, and being a lazy fat husband with a beautiful wife and kid. We were both so set on Our family staying together- that I took clear advantage of it and became a selfish pig. She lost her job- we move back in with her mom- and now things are looking really hopeless and depressing for us.

 

This is when we hit our lowest- we aren't even making love or even feel very connected anymore- and for some reason we keep declining our parents' request to get some serious counseling. Instead, we take the divorce route- me thinking that was more or less the first step towards one party crawling back to the other- of course subconsciously and hard headedly thinking that would never be me...

 

Well, here we are, 4 months later, my head finally popped out of my behind, I realize that I allowed our love to wilt away for my own selfish needs- and she does not even want to consider taking me back. It doesn't help that she reached out to an ex-boy-friend, right around the time that our marriage was at it's worst, to console him about a tragic accident that took his brother-in-laws life. One thing must've lead to another- she sees a new door opening as ours is slowly closing- and she ran full speed ahead.

 

Now, she did already sleep with him as he did fly home to see her already while I was too busy clouding my mind and prettending nothing was really happening. I always scratched my head when she was forcing the divorce papers down my throat- but I just begged her for more time and she obliged.

 

So here is where we stand:

 

A week ago I professed my love to her and told her I havent been appreciating her etc. etc. etc. -which is when she drops the 'i slept with him already... and oh by the way I share this amazing connection with him and he was there for me when you 'dropped me' the first time and he was there for me when you 'dropped me' this time.*

 

I never thought it could happen to me. Never, ever, ever. I just wanted to live while I was young and figured there would be plenty of time to be the man of the house and provider later on once we pop out a few more kids and get promoted and life would just be great. boy, was i wrong!

 

But I am completely and utterly heart broken now. I am desperate to have her back. I can't imagine the feeling of not spending my life with her. She is my beloved wife- forever and ever. Her love was so warm and so true- and I just refused to show her how much I appreciated her. I felt so embarrassed around friends and fam when she'd ask me to do the dishes instead of just popping up and doing them! I want to show her she's my queen- and I refuse to believe it's too late or that it's over for us!

 

So- we are doing counseling- but, as her wish, it is only to build a friendship for our child. she is more or less emotionless around me, and it's quite apparent her heart is already with another man. I'm devastated- border line traumatized. She is unresponsive to me professing my love and she is unresponsive to my low blow attempts as well (which, I know, I shouldn't even be doing.)

 

I want her to know that I'll never give up on this. I want er new boy friend to know that too, lol. He isn't moving to LA til end of summer, supposedly, so I feel the clock is ticking but I also feel there is nothing I can do. I can't imagine losing her forever. This pain is the deepest, most incredible feeling I have ever in my life felt. However, I have already begun to lose a bunch of weight- I've stopped playing poker and frivolously going out at night, and I am working towards bettering myself.

 

SO NOW: ?

 

what do I do? I'll even wait it out for her new relationship to flop- despite the pain it will bring. I know she is meant to be with me - she, is obviously doubting that alot right now. I want to tell her that I love her everyday. but she is now unresponsive to those things. I am working on building a friendship with her for the sake of our child- but it's so painful since my heart is still 100% hers yet hers was lost and quickly snatched up by an ex.

 

Oh, life. Please don't let me feel this pain forever. I want my family back more than anything in the whole entire world.

[viktorious11]

man- I guess that was a bit too long of a post. I just want my wife back so bad

[tojaz]

I read both Vik. Sounds like your in a holding pattern. A good time for you to work on your part of the break up, counseling will help, and so will this forum.

 

TOJAZ

[viktorious11]

Thx Tojaz!!

 

I feel much better today, as I said in my other post. I guess m next question to you, or anyone reading, would be how do you best prepare for for pain in the future?

 

Specifically- I fear that wifey's bf is gonna fly home to see her in 2 weeks. that's gonna kill me. I want to rush to get her back by then- but I'm only pushing her farther away it seems. What I'm doing is just texting her everyday that I love her/ miss her/ and leave it at that. usually she'll just not respond or put a smiley face of acknowledgment. I can't bombard her but I can't jut let her waltz into this new relationship without giving her some sort of guilt.

 

Which brings another good question... does guilting her with pics of me and baby and saying "we miss you mommy" work!?

 

Thx!!

[tojaz]

Thx Tojaz!!

 

I feel much better today, as I said in my other post. I guess m next question to you, or anyone reading, would be how do you best prepare for for pain in the future?

 

Specifically- I fear that wifey's bf is gonna fly home to see her in 2 weeks. that's gonna kill me. I want to rush to get her back by then- but I'm only pushing her farther away it seems. What I'm doing is just texting her everyday that I love her/ miss her/ and leave it at that. usually she'll just not respond or put a smiley face of acknowledgment. I can't bombard her but I can't jut let her waltz into this new relationship without giving her some sort of guilt.

 

Which brings another good question... does guilting her with pics of me and baby and saying "we miss you mommy" work!?

 

Thx!!

 

See post on your "question for the ladies thread" and do a search on the 180. Texting her like that is going to suffocate her.

 

Best move right now is to let go of what you have no control over anyway and keep in your head to do nothing that will reinforce her negative views of you. Even if that means sitting on your hands, right now it will be better for you to do nothing then then wrong thing.

 

TOJAZ