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Letter to OM#2


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reservoirdog1

This is the text of a letter I mailed to W's affair partner #2 on Monday. I wrote it weeks ago. Once W and I decided that there was nothing to rebuild on, I decided to send it. That piece of crap has gotten off scott-free long enough. If I can find out the name of his girlfriend, I may just send her a letter too (she should know what a sh*t she's with -- while he was having an affair with my W, he was cheating on his GF of that time).

 

I don't know if he'll respond to this or not. Maybe he'll call W and bitch to her, and she'll call me to relay said bitching. Or maybe I'll never hear anything. Who knows.

 

Anyway, just wanted to vent a bit.

 

 

S_______:

 

As you have been made aware, I know about your affair with E. Our marriage is ending, thank you very much.

 

I want to thank you for your complicity in f*cking me over. And for seven years of fake smiles and false sincerity. And for willingly coming to my home on numerous occasions and pretending to be a friend (though never a close friend – there was always a distance between us that I could never explain, and now I know it's because you were f*cking my wife). And for contributing such a great deal to the destruction of a marriage that now includes two small children.

 

It's true that it takes two to tango. E bears the vast majority of the responsibility for this and the subsequent sh*t. But that still leaves plenty left over for you. I had sworn no vows with you; that much is true. But you and I had an implicit agreement as members of the human race to not screw each other over. You broke that, and did so repeatedly. That makes you a subhuman piece of reptilian sh*t. For your sake and future happiness – such as you deserve – hopefully you’ll manage to keep that fact hidden from your girlfriend, though she'll probably find out eventually (one way or another). Sooner or later, your natural tendencies will come oozing out.

 

You’ve been pretty lucky in the last number of years that your dirty little secret was successfully kept, not only from me but from the world at large. However, I now know. So do a number of other people.

 

It's pretty likely that we will meet again at some point in the future; this is a big city, but it's not that big. I urge you, in the strongest possible terms, to avoid any future social engagements at which you suspect you may encounter me. (Needless to say, this includes the monthly poker games.) If you see me walking towards you along the street, cross to the other side. If I enter a room you are in, leave. These are not orders – just very, very strong suggestions. From this day forth, I suggest that you ensure that, as far as I am aware, you don't exist.

 

F*ck you, you c*nt.

 

R.D.

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wow.... thats the most intense f*uck you letter i have ever read.... im hoping he doesnt take your strong suggestions as threats.... because no doubt he could have you charged im just not sure..... and now ... i here by open the gates, and i strongly suggest to you to wear galloshes (no doubt youll be hearing some thick bulls*** to convince you your absolutely wrong... ahh but everyone is free to have thier own opinions) turn off your fans, and heres an extra paddle (dude your gonna need it) as well please put on your thick skin...... good luck to you.... and i hope you find happiness!! ;)

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People don't usuall refer to men as c*nts but to each his own. The letter contains veiled threats but I think you can get by with them. What happened was tragic and it would have been so much better had your partner left you before undertaking this extracurricular activity. But in the end, you are much better for being able to get rid of an unloyal partner. I'm just sorry you didn't detect this betrayal sooner. That you didn't says something about your concentration on the relationship as well.

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Anytime a relationship involves 3 people....all 3 are screwed. I've sent many a meanie mails and nasty grams myself....so, I totally undertand you wanting to write the letter. If I had it to do all over again though, I would have taken the high road and simply not said a word to anyone invloved ever again. I would have written them and posted them on my bathroom wall to refer BACK to in order to remember why I was pissed off in the firtst place and NEVER give that person a chance to enter back into my "love" thoughts.

 

Sometimes, remembering what someone did to you in a clear manner....helps you get thru all the feelings of pain and betrayal. At least in the beginning it helps. You can always 'forgive' later....when you feel sane again...because a bad relationship ending can really mess your head and heart all up. You can do and say all sorts of things you may regret later. Sometimes it's best to not react...till you are totally sure how you want to respond.

 

I really liked the letter though. Let us know if you decide to send it.

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Sometimes, remembering what someone did to you in a clear manner....helps you get thru all the feelings of pain and betrayal. At least in the beginning it helps. You can always 'forgive' later....when you feel sane again...because a bad relationship ending can really mess your head and heart all up. You can do and say all sorts of things you may regret later.

 

I totally agree arabess...... i have forgave something quite a while ago now..... and its just been recently that a family crisis brought words from the person i have forgiven after such a long time of silence and bs revenge on both of our parts.... when we finally actually did sit down and have conversation and i dropped my paranoia..... i came to realize that this person is alot like me.... i continued on with anger for such a long period of time i actually didnt pay attention to the fact she was a person.... i looked at her as a problem in my past and tried so hard to just forget about the problem that i missed seeing her as someone who was either just scared or just looking for acceptance... i cant change my past as such.... but i just wish i could tell her that i actually regard her as a decent person.... someone (from the short conversation we have had) i could actually probably enjoy being friends with.... in some respects i can see where she is coming from as i was in her position at one time.... and it scared the hell out of me.... i dunno maybe im just babbling.... however these are my thoughts.... LOL ok im done being serious..... dammit who farted?!!!!!!!!!!!!

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reservoirdog1

Thanks for the feedback, everybody. I mailed it the day before I posted it. I don't think there's a problem with the "veiled threat", and in fact, I'm not trying to convey one. I don't want to encounter him at all, and I want him to take steps to guard against that.

 

About a week before I moved out of the marital home, I sat down with two of my closest friends and told them about that affair. The reason was, they are both social with that individual and I wanted to enlist their assistance in ensuring that I don't come into contact with him. (They'd long had a vague inkling that W had screwed around with him but had no hard evidence.) It's a good thing I did tell them; the Vegas reference in the letter was because, after we got back, my friend told me that the individual in question had been in Vegas that same weekend and had called and suggested that our two groups meet up. My friend told that individual that he didn't think that would be a good idea.

 

Like anybody else in my situation, I've been up and down on this. I'm not a violent person by nature, and I've never been in a fight in my life. Also, I've never had anything like this happen to me before. So, I have no idea what my reaction will be if we meet. Every guy in this situation figures they'd crack the person's skull. Would I do that? I haven't a clue. Maybe I'd just scream at him. Maybe I'd quietly excuse myself. This has been an emotionally wrenching experience, and I've never yet had to come face to face with anybody responsible for this except for W. So, I don't know what my reaction would be. I just figure it's best that I not find out. Hopefully that individual now feels the same way.

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reservoirdog1
Originally posted by Tony

People don't usuall refer to men as c*nts but to each his own.

 

Actually, the Brits do it all the time. Maybe it just hasn't found a popular following here in North America.

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Also, I've never had anything like this happen to me before. So, I have no idea what my reaction will be if we meet. Every guy in this situation figures they'd crack the person's skull. Would I do that? I haven't a clue. Maybe I'd just scream at him. Maybe I'd quietly excuse myself. This has been an emotionally wrenching experience, and I've never yet had to come face to face with anybody responsible for this except for W. So, I don't know what my reaction would be. I just figure it's best that I not find out. Hopefully that individual now feels the same way.

 

I share your pain dude...... i enlisted friends of mine as well to try and keep us (OW) apart..... she lived only 4 blocks from my house..... and i did a good job at keeping my distance..... however it got to the point where she would follow me to bars and have her brother with her to try and instigate something...... i dunno if it was because of jealousy or what..... however i finally had to involve the police and get a restraining order on her brother and her..... (helps when a good friend is a cop) it wrenched my heart everytime i seen her tho...... it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do.... but to face her without striking out..... but as time went on it healed everything..... good luck to you res... your the better man to just walk away....

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when we finally actually did sit down and have conversation and i dropped my paranoia..... i came to realize that this person is alot like me.... i continued on with anger for such a long period of time i actually didnt pay attention to the fact she was a person.... i looked at her as a problem in my past and tried so hard to just forget about the problem that i missed seeing her as someone who was either just scared or just looking for acceptance... i cant change my past as such.... but i just wish i could tell her that i actually regard her as a decent person.... someone (from the short conversation we have had) i could actually probably enjoy being friends with.... in some respects i can see where she is coming from as i was in her position at one time.... and it scared the hell out of me....

 

That was a pretty awesome insight, LFW.

 

It's quite sobering when one can get past one's own feelings to see the other for who he or she really is. Very often, the people who do you wrong are coming from a difficult place of their own. They are often in worse shape than you. I finally realized, and believe, that there are very few deliberately malicious people. I can't hate anybody who wounds me out of their own pain. The wounded animal bites even the hand of those who would help it - it's not the animal's fault, it's instinctual response to pain. That perception colours most of my interactions with people. This world is filled with wounded hearts :(

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Just a note that both of my posts are of 2 different people..... one across the continent......and one in my city.

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reservoirdog1

Nothing yet. I figure he got it yesterday. I foresee three possibilities:

 

1) He does nothing.

2) He responds to me in some way (I didn't put my contact info in the letter but there's no big secret, and he can find me if he wants to).

3) He calls W and tattles on me.

 

If I had to guess, I'd say #1 is the most likely. He's not an idiot, and he's not particularly confrontational, so what is there that he could say? I haven't had any contact with him since July, which was a month before I knew about any of this. And if there's no reply, well... I've said my piece and that's that.

 

#2 obviously presents the greatest chance of confrontation of some kind. But hey... I'll deal with that if it comes up. I'm certainly not going to pursue it; this exercise was simply about venting my spleen.

 

#3 should be interesting. W will probably call me and bitch about it. I'll just tell her that it's nothing to do with her, that it's between me and him, and that the next time she talks to him she should suggest that he grow some cajones and come and talk to me himself, instead of running off to tell Momma. Of course, maybe she'll just leave it alone and agree that I have every right in the world to be pissed at him; she's already admitted to the horrible nature of her actions and her betrayal of me, and apologized profusely. I kind of doubt it and I expect I'll hear something from her, but anyway...

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Maybe you felt compelled to write the letter because you DO want to invoke a response out of her. Maybe it was another way of asking WHY? WHY? WHY?

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reservoirdog1

Entirely possible, though it wasn't the primary motivation in sending it. I can't very well ask the same question of her yet again (unless she phones me and picks a fight, as she's done a few times since I moved out), so you could be right.

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I think everyone is guilty of that from time to time Reservoir. The one time I was in a relationship with a really sloppy ending.....I wanted so bad to get a friggin suitable ANSWER....that I went from "I love you " to "I hate you" all in one sentence over and over again. It got so bad...I finally was disgusted enough with my own self to let it go.

 

The truth of the matter is....when someone cheats on you....there really ISN'T a suitable answer. You end up beating the same dead horse till you go nuts or (as in my case) just get tired of being angry and confused.

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reservoirdog1

Moimeme... I agree, there aren't many genuinely malignant people in the world. The man with whom W had A#3 didn't know me, and I don't know him. Never met him. #1 occured before we were married, and he's now living across the country and has a wife of his own (lucky bastard).

 

#2 is the most galling. It was the longest, by months. W brought him into our social circle while this was going on. She allowed me to socialize with him. I remember one night around Christmas of 1996, he called me at home and told me to come and pick her up from his apartment... she was drunk and all but passed out on his floor. I did pick her up. (Needless to say, I was totally unaware that they were boffing each other at the time and didn't become aware for almost seven years.)

 

#2 knew me personally, and he knew damned well that we were married. And yet he made a conscious decision to do what he did. In criminal law there's a presumption: if somebody does something whose outcome is forseeably certain, the law will presume that he intended that outcome. That's how I view this. As far as I'm concerned, he acted with the intention of hurting me. He took what he wanted, not giving a damn about either me, my marriage, or his girlfriend. What a collossal pr*ck. So, maybe he's one of the genuinely malignant people in this world.

 

BTW -- where abouts in Beautiful BC do you live? What's your story?

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I'm on the island and my story is a long one - best saved for PMs if you really want to know :)

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