Should I break up with my rebound?

[Calvin]

I need some advice: I'm going on a year of being separated after 4 years of marriage. She had an affair. Divorce should be final in the next month or so, but Ex is dragging her feet. I'm 34 and I don't have contact with my Ex unless it's about the divorce (which is rarely). No kids.

 

I met a wonderful woman (age 28) from an online dating site about 5 months ago and she knew I was separated (going on divorce) as my profile stated. I also made it clear that I was simply looking for a fun person to do things with, not a relationship. Well, we took it really slow but hit it off pretty well and long story short, she is in love with me and talks about marriage/kids. While I think the world of her and enjoy her company/conversation/etc., I'm not interested in getting married again and I'd just like to date her. However, my conscience and my gut tells me to break up with her so that she can go do what she needs to do (e.g., meet a guy that will marry her).

 

I've discussed this with her several times hoping she'd get the clue and break up with me, but it seems to draw her in more! (Is it the challenge?). Anyway, we could both be considered each other's rebound (her fiance broke off their engagement about a year ago), however, she's totally emotionally attached to me (wants to see me ALL the time), while I'm not into her as much...even though I do like her and appreciate her a great deal (I'd be happy seeing her a couple times a week).

 

I hate to break her heart, but should I just end it with her (I'll be sad too), or just keep dating and not worrying about tomorrow (or her future). I feel selfish either way.

 

Any suggestions? Anyone go through a similar thing?

 

Thanks.

[lostforwords]

I also made it clear that I was simply looking for a fun person to do things with, not a relationship.

 

Not clear enough i dont think..... some people often confuse "love" with infatuation or lust..... neither of them are healthy.... especially in your case, mostly because of this.....

 

I've discussed this with her several times hoping she'd get the clue and break up with me, but it seems to draw her in more!

 

I have heard statitistically it takes approximately 2 years to emotionally and physically get over a divorce.... and 2 years is to say the least.... your not divorced yet.... and you may as well consider her to be divorced as she was engaged previous so it had to have been serious enough at some point.... 1 year obviously isnt long enough to be ready for a "healthy" relationship cuz if im not mistaken according to the math you 2 would have started dating after about 7 months of her split with her fiance... (please correct me if im wrong) *deep breath* LOL

 

So my point is.... id at least slow the relationship down or stop it altogether however be very honest with her in doing so...... she most likely will have a fragile reaction and you dont want her to get into a downspiral of rejection...... but be as truthful and tactful as you can..... and who says maybe perhaps it could be possible to just be friends.....