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Well, It's Official: He's asked for a divorce


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Callisto484

My husband wrote me a long letter in which he stated that he did not wish to continue in the marriage. We then spoke on the phone since I'm currently in NY visiting family. I will not be returning to California for two weeks and thinking about this might drive me up the wall.

 

The thing that makes me mad? That he feels emotionally, mentally and psychologically drained by our relationship, BUT surprisingly enough, he does not mention feeling that way about his work/career. His career which demands so much more out of him than our relationship.

 

So basically he chose his chronic workaholic ways over our marriage. That is basically it. He loves his work so much so that he is willing to divorce me.

 

He claims that he was losing himself in our relationship. Such bull. He chose his addiction..Point blank.

 

Now I have no other recourse than to move back to NY and begin again. Since I was attendeng school full-time, I don't have a job. I don't have any money. and I don't have any real savings. Thank God, that my father has opened his home to me, but I don't want to live with my father. Practically I know what I must do, but emotionally I am just distraught. How stupid me to harbor some hope that when I return to Cali in two weeks that MAYBE he would have reconsidered his decision. But I can't bet on that....

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Yasuandio

See a NY attorney tomorrow -- no later. Start calling for free consult at 9 am whomever will take u.

 

Depending on how many times he has sent u to NY, ucould have established, or b close to esbabling residency there.

 

U must find out which state is most favorable to your case, Cali, or NY.

 

U must be smart and file first -- either in Cali or NY on behalf of Caliif necessary.

 

This gives you a slight upper hand in scheduling hearings, and evidence gathering.

 

Face it, take his words seriously. There is nothing u can do when he says the D word. It is possible always that it is just a threat, and he will back down, and when reality faces him, he won't want to follow thru.

 

But at this moment, you had better wake up my dear. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are now.

 

I will try to help you. But I regret to say, upfront, that I will absolutely desert you if you do really stupid things. It is about me (I have no patience with all out blunders, especially once a person has been carefully apprised and warned -- it's just who I am). But that is OK. There are many good people on LS that have more patience than I. Sometimes these sort of passages are needed, I am just not the person to walk you thru them.

 

So, here is the stright-up advice. See attorney tomorrow. No Contact w/ H at all. We need to know which state is best for you -- Cali or NY. Get your hands on as much money as you can, like now. Prepare yourself to file for divorce first in the next day or 2. No more than that. You must get on record before he does.

 

He may be bull------ you. Doesn't matter. He said it. You gotta look after your own interests. It is only paper. It can always be dropped. It takes a long while to get processed. Make your point now. No Contact Period.

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dreamingoftigers

Sorry to hear of your circumstance. It is so awful when they choose their own self-destruction over their relationships.

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Yasuandio

There are better people than me on this sight, that are much more balanced and insightful. I am hard-core, and will dump u in a heartbeat, if u do any stupid pathetic things. Look at what others, that have patience, say first. Dreamingoftigers is Outstanding. Debtman, WGW, Steadfast, Willow, Trippi, Tojaz, 2.5 Gal, as well as a few more I can't think of right now, will lead you correctly. I apologize -- that I am only what I am. Perhaps because Im embroiled in my own painful and confusing drama. Keep posting. Keep reaching out! You are not alone!

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There are better people than me on this sight, that are much more balanced and insightful. I am hard-core, and will dump u in a heartbeat, if u do any stupid pathetic things. Look at what others, that have patience, say first. Dreamingoftigers is Outstanding. Debtman, WGW, Steadfast, Willow, Trippi, Tojaz, 2.5 Gal, as well as a few more I can't think of right now, will lead you correctly. I apologize -- that I am only what I am. Perhaps because Im embroiled in my own painful and confusing drama. Keep posting. Keep reaching out! You are not alone!

Yas, you can say/do what you want, but... you're really too quick to apologize for yourself. You offer some great advice on these forums. Your style may be more "tough love" than others, but that makes it no less valuable. Just sayin'.

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Yasuandio

Thank you Change. I just finished watching a movie and was mortified by what I wrote to this beautiful lady. It was way too late to edit. Sometimes I think I'm inhabited by a demon of sorts. It is most likely repressed pain and anger coming out in the form of some damn tough love like you say. When people have a chance to avoid being foolish by having such wisdom in advance, it just frustrates the the heck out of me! I really am a nice person, but I am in a great deal of pain. And I so wish I had found this site two years ago!

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Callisto484
See a NY attorney tomorrow -- no later. Start calling for free consult at 9 am whomever will take u.

 

Depending on how many times he has sent u to NY, ucould have established, or b close to esbabling residency there.

 

U must find out which state is most favorable to your case, Cali, or NY.

 

U must be smart and file first -- either in Cali or NY on behalf of Caliif necessary.

 

This gives you a slight upper hand in scheduling hearings, and evidence gathering.

 

Face it, take his words seriously. There is nothing u can do when he says the D word. It is possible always that it is just a threat, and he will back down, and when reality faces him, he won't want to follow thru.

 

But at this moment, you had better wake up my dear. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are now.

 

I will try to help you. But I regret to say, upfront, that I will absolutely desert you if you do really stupid things. It is about me (I have no patience with all out blunders, especially once a person has been carefully apprised and warned -- it's just who I am). But that is OK. There are many good people on LS that have more patience than I. Sometimes these sort of passages are needed, I am just not the person to walk you thru them.

 

So, here is the stright-up advice. See attorney tomorrow. No Contact w/ H at all. We need to know which state is best for you -- Cali or NY. Get your hands on as much money as you can, like now. Prepare yourself to file for divorce first in the next day or 2. No more than that. You must get on record before he does.

 

He may be bull------ you. Doesn't matter. He said it. You gotta look after your own interests. It is only paper. It can always be dropped. It takes a long while to get processed. Make your point now. No Contact Period.

Thank you for your advice. I will consult with a lawyer ASAP. I am not a NY resident so it has to be done in CA. I have cut all communication with him and told him that we would only have contact on a NEED basis. Basically regarding the Divorce and other legal issues. I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks to everyone!

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dreamingoftigers
Thank you Change. I just finished watching a movie and was mortified by what I wrote to this beautiful lady. It was way too late to edit. Sometimes I think I'm inhabited by a demon of sorts. It is most likely repressed pain and anger coming out in the form of some damn tough love like you say. When people have a chance to avoid being foolish by having such wisdom in advance, it just frustrates the the heck out of me! I really am a nice person, but I am in a great deal of pain. And I so wish I had found this site two years ago!

 

It isn't as bad as you think it is most of the time. Sometimes I think you only overstep by 5% and at least you recognize in a fairly reasonable timeline.

 

There are a helluva lot worse on here that aren't trying to help anyone. Plus those of us that are aware can hit the red button and PM you when things get further then that 5%, which doesn't happen anywhere near as often as you fear. It'll work itself out.:)

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