desperate Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 So my wife and I had an appointment with an attourney this morning. I am giving her what she wants... space away from the marriage. I am paying for an attourney. I am paying for a mediator to help us make decisions that are in both of our best interests. Here's what I don't understand... When the attourney explained to the wife about the process, when she would get the paperwork, how she is to respond etc. The wife broke down and cried. WHAT THE HELL? I am playing by her rules, I don't want a separation, I don't want a divorce, I don't want any of this sh**! It's all her idea, so why is she crying? The more we are not together, the more I question why I want to be together. I don't love who she has become in this marriage, I love who she was when we first got married. Am I just in love with the idea of being married? I am so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 She cries because the marriage isn't what she envisioned. Like many people, she probably had lots of unreasonable expectations...and she probably thought many magical things would happen after the marriage. Lots of people think getting married is like going to the Magic Kingdom. If you don't love her now, you never did. When you got married, you were in love with an idea and with the person you thought your partner was...or who you wanted to think she was. The brain has a way of fooling us. That's why it's really good to know somebody a very long time before you get married...and not to think that all kinds of crazy, magical things are going to happen after the honeymoon. The only things that happen in marriage and in all of life are the things we make happen. And in a marriage, BOTH of you have to work equally to making the magic happen. Sounds like you just didn't have a good match....or you didn't know enough about marriage to know how to pull it off. Welcome to the club, although it's hardly exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 It's sad for a marriage to break down. Even if you're unhappy in it, it means all your hopes for what could have been are crushed. It's a loss that requires mourning. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 I've been through a divorce myself. It was my idea to divorce and by the time I moved out I had virtually no doubt that divorce was the best thing for all involved; my husband, myself and my son. But it didn't stop me from being sad that it hadn't worked out, that my son would be the product of a broken home, that he wouldn't have both of us around full-time anymore. It broke my heart for him because my parents had been divorced and I knew how hard it was on us as kids. But on the other hand, I knew it was best for him not to grow up in a home where the love was gone and we weren't happy. He deserved more than that. I disagree with Tony on one point. I believe it is possible to love someone when you get married and for various reasons you grow apart or things happen that cause the marriage to break down and the love to dissolve. I don't believe that once you're in love with someone it is necessarily forever. Marriage is a lot of work, and if both parties aren't putting the necessary work into it, the other party will distance themselves and eventually give up and fall out of love. That's what I believe happened in my case anyway. But it does take time for it to sink in and to grieve and mourn for the marriage that once was. When you find the right person and the love is there and you both work hard on the marriage, it will last and the love will stay strong. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lester Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 I have not gone through a divorce yet but am as close as I can get. I'm just painfully waiting on my wife to decide what she wants. A divorce is the final step in saying " hey its over". So yes I can see her crying and I think that is the only thought that is keeping my wife from going ahead and finishing our marriage. It might be good that you dont love the woman that she has become. I dont know my wife right now and I have been married to her for 20 years but I on the other hand I am madly in love with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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