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So do I expose?


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So it is a little over a year since my XW asked for a divorce (finalized in may), and a few months before that i had found out she had a EA and limited PA (kissing supposedly) during the previous 6 months. She had written him a letter that said she was sorry and they couldn't talk anymore. Fast forward to today, and I find out they are together now. I know she never admitted it to anyone, and I never exposed it back then because I was afraid the consequences would drive her away. So I swallowed my pride and unconditionally forgave her to work on the M, and obviously that didn't work out so hot. I know her story has been I'm the bad guy, and I've lost friends to that degree.

 

I know nothing will change between her and myself, but I just want the truth to be heard and to clear my name, and maybe yes a little revenge that she can't live in her rationalized lie without some sort of consequences from her actions.

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That's a tough one. I know in my case she burned all the bridges with any common friends we had by her actions. I know she probably spoke a pack of hooey about my to her new people. Thing is what would you actually gain at this point? You're divorced and as I recall don;t have any children together and therefore have no reason to be in each others lives anymore. I'd say the best thing for you is to keep moving on and put this to rest. Why stir that pot?

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vtbrokenhearted

I exposed what my stbx did in regard to his affair to some of our family and a couple of our friends. I did this because I had looked to them for help finding him and helping him because I thought he was having a mental breakdown. I was worried about him. When they finally helped me track him down, he exposed what he'd done to his parents, I guess looking for guidance. Once he told me, and our friends were then calling to see if he, myself and us as a couple were okay, I felt like I had to be honest.

 

Today, four months later, I am beginning to feeling guilty. I didn't tell anyone out of spite or to get revenge. I figured since I'd gotten them involved in the first place unknowing about the affair, I needed to be honest. Looking back on it, I wish I had given them a different answer. Like I said, I'm just beginning to feel guilty. Because like sumdude said, "what's the point?" He is beginning to and going to feel a lot of pain in the coming months and even coming years. I think by me saying something, it's going to be even harder for him to heal.

 

I know it's hard to think of your ex, the one whose caused so much pain already, as someone who needs to heal, but we once loved them and some of us still do. I don't want to have hurt him anymore. He's human and even though there were some horrible things we experienced together, I love him still. There is beauty in his soul, and I can't forget that.

 

Yeah, I guess I'm long-winded. Think about how you'll hurt your ex in the long run. It doesn't help anything; if anything, it causes even more pain for both parties. Hope this helps.

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Good to see you back, Mikey. You should check in once in awhile. :)

 

You have stated in the past that you lost friends and that those mutual friends believed her and that you were the "bad guy".

 

What makes you think they will believe you? Maybe they will believe that you are lying, stirring the pot, and trying to create trouble? Maybe they will think even less of you than they do now.

 

Not sure what good can come of this. If you have actual physical proof that you could show somebody, then I suppose that you could bring this up with the right person, quietly, at the right time, to state your case that you aren't all the "bad guy".

 

Still not sure what good can come of it unless you are trying to win back friends. But why didn't those friends hear you out in the first place? Why didn't those friends know that there is ALWAYS two sides to the story?

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I tend to agree with the others....sometimes the past just needs to be the past. Helps you get to your future.

 

Let her have the friends that believed her side...they weren't good friends for you to begin with.

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Not everyone looks at cheating the same way you do. It's practically a given in today's society, to cheat. You would only be looked upon, by her friends, as the man with sour grapes. The only people that matter now are your friends and family. Expose all you want to them because they care about you.

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